Categories: The Rules

Study of a Madman: Riding in the Rain

Riding high up on a deep depression.

I awoke Sunday morning to the sound of the driving rain on the windows, buffeted by gusts of wind. I got up, made myself a double espresso, and called to the dogs for their walk. Smackimus, the mutt who embodies Rule #5 in everything he does, came bounding down the stairs. Beene, the lummoxy Great Dane, followed quite a distance behind, yawning and smacking her lips. I opened the front door and the three of us headed outside. I made my way down the stairs and zipped up my jacket as both dogs followed. Smackimus slowed noticeably as we left the shelter of the front porch and stepped into the rain, and Beene stopped altogether.

After using all my skills of persuasion, I managed to get both the dogs to do their business, but it was a minimum-commitment operation; both dogs did what they needed to do and bolted back up the steps to the shelter of the front porch.

A great day for a ride, obviously.

We are a sick lot, those of us who find more pleasure in riding in bad weather than in good. I have decided, however, to remove my fenders from the Rain Bike, as they do tend to detract from the considerable pleasure of feeling the spray from the road coat your body in Rule #9; the fenders definitely diminish the indulgence in the rain, and, generally, the volume of Suck that the weather is dispensing on your person. Fenders or not, the ride still merited camera-phone self-portraits, Dan O-style.

Oh, and – Merckx help us all – I think Rule #9 might actually be a Garbage Song.

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Only Happy When it Rains/”/]

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

michael says:

Oct 27 2010 at 7:47 pm

I believe this may apply here

http://vimeo.com/16259685
frank says:

Oct 27 2010 at 8:20 pm

@michael
Yeah. I don't see any fucking mud gaurds. Just dudes and Velomihotties layin' down loads of The V in massive Rule 9 conditions.

My Merckx I want a cross bike. Let me rephrase that, I need a cross bike.
michael says:

Oct 27 2010 at 9:46 pm

@frank
I fear your height may put you at a disadvantage on that thing.
michael says:

Oct 28 2010 at 12:19 am

I just read a comment above about not using mudguards because you wouldn't want to clean the cow shit out of them at home and would rather spray it on people following you.

I suppose that the rest of your frame, brakes, components, drivetrain, kit, shoes, glasses,WATER BOTTLES, etc. probably won't get covered with the aforementioned cow shit that is also spraying on your riding companions without the mudguards?

I would much rather clean the cow shit out of a couple fenders than off all of my shit including my mouth. But that's just me.
George says:

Oct 28 2010 at 1:51 am

Shit. I make a stupid comment and people are STILL reading it a fortnight later??? This could seriously limit the amount I write in future if people think it's serious!

Michael,
Yes, but the rest of the bike is easily washed down. My Rule 9 kit is old, worn and cheap. My comment went on to point out that I really don't think it's wise for people to be drafting in proper Rule 9 conditions anyway and what could be a better disincentive than a stream of liquid shit up your nose.
Anyway, there's not that much shit around on wet days, it's not like we're all doing cyclocross races in slurry lagoons. HTFU and take the odd mouthful as a high fibre snack.
torrefie says:

Oct 28 2010 at 2:42 am

All this talk of mud guards makes me die a little inside each time i read it.. Mudguards, in my opinion, are for commuters and pensioners. There are so many reasons that they are bad but possibly the most important one is that they reduce the amount of badass that you experience when you are fiving it up.

My main peeve is the fact that they keep your shoes and saddle drier than necessary. Is there a more glorious feeling than getting up on a sunny sunday (obviously feeling a little disappointed that it is dry) and putting your feet into a wet pair of shoes, the cold water slowly absorbing into your socks, and being reminded of how badass you were indulging in what was a glorious nine day previously? i think not.
Steampunk says:

Oct 28 2010 at 4:46 am

frank :My Merckx I want a cross bike. Let me rephrase that, I need a cross bike.

A little out of the way for you, perhaps, but check these guys out. I've been eyeing a nice ti custom build cross from these folks for a little while. And once I knock over a bank it will be mine...
Marko says:

Oct 28 2010 at 5:14 am

@michael

Les Claypool can always be relied on for a kick-ass soundtrack. I wonder if I should put a Bocephus sticker on the cross bike, hmmmmmmmmmm.

@Steampunk

There are some pretty looking steeds on that site. I like the Pegoretti inspired paint job on one of them.
michael says:

Oct 28 2010 at 11:12 am

@George
It was just one of those things, the page loaded I scrolled a bit, it caught my eye. Having a mudFLAP on the back of your mudguards is merely a gentlemen's courtesy to your riding companions.

@The rest of you
I think you anti-fender guys don't understand what riding in the rain means and your ignorance is forgiven. Here in Portland where it rains 151 days a year and we have clear skies 67 days a year, it doesn't mean scheduling your riding week around the weather, it means looking at the temp and choosing the temperature appropriate clothing, then going on a ride, with no regard to the rain. It doesn't mean looking at the radar to see if you can squeeze your ride in between showers, it means going out at 11am because that's when you want to go. It doesn't mean that you have a few months of riding a bit less, it means riding as much as you did all summer but this time in the rain, continuously, for hours on end, every single fucking day. It doesn't mean you get the pleasure of putting wet shoes on a sunny day as a reminder of yesterday's rain, it means every time you put your shoes on they are wet because yesterday you rode in the rain, today you are riding in the rain, and tomorrow you will ride in the rain. It doesn't mean your fenders keep your saddle dry, it means your saddle is wet, all the time, despite any fenders. There is no getting fed up with the rain, after a hundred some days of riding in the rain, you will still want to ride the bike and won't look outside and say "Fuck it, I'm sick of this rain". And it certainly doesn't mean, "Look how badass I am for riding in that thunderstorm yesterday and not having fenders, I'm truly a hardman". That is nothing, I eat thunderstorms for breakfast then go for a ride in a extratropical cyclone for lunch (for dinner I eat sausage like the rest of you). I intend to ride at least 4 days a week this winter and that will more than likely mean riding 4 days a week in the rain.

That is a madman riding in the rain.
Nate says:

Oct 28 2010 at 12:29 pm

@michael
A-Merckx. That my friend is a worthy manifesto.