La Vie Velominatus: Flemish Tan Lines

A select group of people appreciate this look.

Clouds hang heavy in the sky, plump with a rain which contemplates the opportunity to hurl itself towards the Earth below. I get the sense that we wait for each other, the Rain and I; the rain relishes the opportunity to soak my clothes and skin, seeking to corrode my resolve while I cherish the opportunity to prove to myself that it will not be shaped by such things.

As a kid, I had an illustrated book of Aesop’s Fables. This time of year, I’m often reminded of one fable in particular, that of the Wind and the Sun. As the tale goes, the two are in the midst of an argument over which is the stronger when they spot a traveller on the road below. The Sun suggests that whichever of them can cause the traveller to take off his cloak will be declared the winner. The Wind blows and blows with all its might but the traveller only pulls his cloak closer. The Sun, on the other hand, beams with all its yellow glory, and the traveller soon finds it too hot for his cloak and discards it.

Aesop’s moral was that kindness is more effective than severity, but that sounds a lot like it would require introspection to really digest. Instead, I like to think of myself as the traveller and my resolve as the cloak; the worse the weather, the closer I pull it to me and the more determined I am to hold my course. In fact, this concept extends to any hardship in life; the greater the challenge, the stronger my determination.

So there we are, the Rain and I, waiting for each other; me with my cloak and the Rain with its severity. At this time of year, when the skies have turned grey but the chill hasn’t yet arrived to keep it company, I enjoy waiting for the rain to fall before embarking on my rides. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the questioning looks from the neighbors who descend from their homes in coats and hiding beneath their umbrellas for the journey from front door to automobile; they serve as further evidence that the public still has some distance yet to cover before understanding the Velominatus.

The rain pours down and in minutes soaks my clothes. Rain drops drip from the brim of my cycling cap; when I clench my fist, water steams from the fingers of my gloves. The roads are soaked; both the rain and traffic cast debris towards the gutters. My path crosses between the two and the grit and dirt afloat in the rain water are flung onto my machine and body.

When I return home from the ride, the evidence of my journey is carried in my clothing which is heavy with water and debris. Overshoes and knee warmers, once removed, reveal my Flemish Tan Lines via the clean skin beneath.

Perhaps Flanders is a place not defined by the borders between people, but between wool and flesh. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @Deakus Diesel does much the same degreasing as petrol, but with a higher flashpoint.

    @All I love learning pointless shit due to threads like this, for I am an information whore. The topic pointed me to Wikipedia on rainfall. Where I live is 2000mm, Seattle proper 990mm, Some areas of Seattle metro 2500mm, and I feel for our fellow Velominati in Scotland, some areas there are 4500mm!

  • @frank  Heinrich's hair represents externally his internal battle in deciding between German or Australian nationality. 'Do I measure my seat post height to the exact millimetre Deutscher style or do I not give a fuck, she'll be right Digger?''

  • @The Pressure

    Looks like our UK mates have more important things to worry about than guards...http://www.bikeradar.com/road/news/article/shane-sutton-in-hospital-after-cycling-crash-35725/

    Buzz is that the driver in Wiggo's case will get put on an "Awareness Course". There were no arrests in the Sutton case.

    But if you really want to depress yourself read what the trolls are saying in the article commentaries in the press. Thousands of innocent pedestrians are killed and maimed by cyclists and people get sooooo frustrated when they can't pass people on bikes because they do less than 110kmh.

    Frankly many of my fellow citizens are a thoroughly nasty intolerant lot.

    Although when it comes to golf and ill trained dogs on paths the veins stand out on my forehead too - sigh.

  • @Giles

    @IcemanYVR Fixed your post, but "done right, they don't look that bad on a rain bike".

    Now I've got visions of people with trouser clips, bowler hats and mudguards on Crits!  Even I can't condone that...;)

  • @the Engine

    @The Pressure

    Looks like our UK mates have more important things to worry about than guards...http://www.bikeradar.com/road/news/article/shane-sutton-in-hospital-after-cycling-crash-35725/

    Buzz is that the driver in Wiggo's case will get put on an "Awareness Course". There were no arrests in the Sutton case.

    But if you really want to depress yourself read what the trolls are saying in the article commentaries in the press. Thousands of innocent pedestrians are killed and maimed by cyclists and people get sooooo frustrated when they can't pass people on bikes because they do less than 110kmh.

    Frankly many of my fellow citizens are a thoroughly nasty intolerant lot.

    Although when it comes to golf and ill trained dogs on paths the veins stand out on my forehead too - sigh.

    Apparently Wiggo was hit by a driver turning out of a petrol station.....

  • Yeah, probably going in the penality box for this one but, come on Frahnk, they are Flemish Tan lines, right?

  • @Giles

    @IcemanYVR Fixed your post, but "done right, they don't look that bad on a rain bike".

    @Deakus

    @Giles

    @IcemanYVR Fixed your post, but "done right, they don't look that bad on a rain bike".

    Now I've got visions of people with trouser clips, bowler hats and mudguards on Crits! Even I can't condone that...;)

    Yes to both of you... I did in fact mean "RAIN" bike... cycling version of a freudian slip ;)

  • I only hope that Wiggo's crash will result in some new awareness by drivers, both in the UK and around the world. I doubt it will but I'll keep hoping. It's a stretch and definitely apples to oranges but I've been trying to channel the energies and attitude of those fighting for civil rights, whether in the U.S. or anywhere. It's a long haul, the deck is stacked against us, but you have to keep on trying, can't get too pessimistic, and can't go around cussing and finger saluting everyone who is a reckless driver.

    More bike lanes, more cyclists by the day in my city. That's great! And I'm getting involved with the cycling coalition. I really, really want to work on a mass Kids Bike to School day. If folks saw all those kids and were able to connect a bit more that everyone on a bike, whether 10 or 45, deserves more respect, space, and safety I think it could only help the situation improve.

    I had a dude tell me on Wednesday that I was going to get run over if I kept biking like that. "Oh Defensively Aggressive, do you mean?" I wanted to ask. Yeah right. Sorry I signaled and then moved over when you were 200 meters back. I definitely should have dismounted and used the crosswalk to navigate the intersection. I told him to have a nice day.

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