La Vie Velominatus: Flemish Tan Lines

A select group of people appreciate this look.

Clouds hang heavy in the sky, plump with a rain which contemplates the opportunity to hurl itself towards the Earth below. I get the sense that we wait for each other, the Rain and I; the rain relishes the opportunity to soak my clothes and skin, seeking to corrode my resolve while I cherish the opportunity to prove to myself that it will not be shaped by such things.

As a kid, I had an illustrated book of Aesop’s Fables. This time of year, I’m often reminded of one fable in particular, that of the Wind and the Sun. As the tale goes, the two are in the midst of an argument over which is the stronger when they spot a traveller on the road below. The Sun suggests that whichever of them can cause the traveller to take off his cloak will be declared the winner. The Wind blows and blows with all its might but the traveller only pulls his cloak closer. The Sun, on the other hand, beams with all its yellow glory, and the traveller soon finds it too hot for his cloak and discards it.

Aesop’s moral was that kindness is more effective than severity, but that sounds a lot like it would require introspection to really digest. Instead, I like to think of myself as the traveller and my resolve as the cloak; the worse the weather, the closer I pull it to me and the more determined I am to hold my course. In fact, this concept extends to any hardship in life; the greater the challenge, the stronger my determination.

So there we are, the Rain and I, waiting for each other; me with my cloak and the Rain with its severity. At this time of year, when the skies have turned grey but the chill hasn’t yet arrived to keep it company, I enjoy waiting for the rain to fall before embarking on my rides. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the questioning looks from the neighbors who descend from their homes in coats and hiding beneath their umbrellas for the journey from front door to automobile; they serve as further evidence that the public still has some distance yet to cover before understanding the Velominatus.

The rain pours down and in minutes soaks my clothes. Rain drops drip from the brim of my cycling cap; when I clench my fist, water steams from the fingers of my gloves. The roads are soaked; both the rain and traffic cast debris towards the gutters. My path crosses between the two and the grit and dirt afloat in the rain water are flung onto my machine and body.

When I return home from the ride, the evidence of my journey is carried in my clothing which is heavy with water and debris. Overshoes and knee warmers, once removed, reveal my Flemish Tan Lines via the clean skin beneath.

Perhaps Flanders is a place not defined by the borders between people, but between wool and flesh. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • Lately I got 75k into a 120k , and was at a junction I could have been home going right in 10k, or ride out the last 45 by going left. Wet and cold, I thought hypothermia may have been an issue. Then I thought of what the folk here may do. I literally said out loud "If I start to shiver, I can just ride harder to warm up." and went left..

    @Cyclops Doesn't matter as long as you're quick! Berms are the best thing about riding dirt...

  • Purely in the interests of marital harmony and domestic fair play, I'm now, for the first time in a number of years, the owner of a mountain bike. I've been getting my dirt and mud legs back for the last couple of weeks, and I suspect that the shape in which my mtb and I return home will only encourage me to feel more at home on the road bike in Rule 9 conditions. I'm getting more efficient with the hose-wipedown-lube routine.

  • @Cyclops you are a fat cow on a bike, railing a corner in a race.  If that makes you a fat cow, you are a fucking awesome fat cow.

  • I used to dislike ridig in the rain. I would look up, scanning the sky for any dark clouds that may interfere with my day's ride. Thoughts of being wet through to the skin, that constant feeling of water spraying up one's arse (a Flemish bidet perhaps?), chain skipping and hearing the grit grating through it after an hour or so, coming home covered in crap and then having to spend an inordinate amount of time cleaning the aforementioned crap off of everything. Not something I looked forward to.

    Then I realised the folly of my thoughts. Rain bike was set up accordingly. Ride is pre-planned and regardless of weather, I head out. Still get covered in whatever gets thrown at me but I now find that I enjoy the feeling of being wet. I think frank has written before of that sensation of being more alert, more attuned to one's bike when riding in the rain; the sound of tyres slicing through the rain soaked roads, focused on the task at hand, i.e. being a cyclist. The rain may try to despoil bike and kit yet it never fails to cleanse the spirit methinks.

  • Tis the season here in the holy land. Wet dirty grity rides on farm roads. We now opt for singletrack in the woods on the Cross bike. If I could post a picture of my Flanders bike tans I would!

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