La Vie Velominatus: Flemish Tan Lines

A select group of people appreciate this look.

Clouds hang heavy in the sky, plump with a rain which contemplates the opportunity to hurl itself towards the Earth below. I get the sense that we wait for each other, the Rain and I; the rain relishes the opportunity to soak my clothes and skin, seeking to corrode my resolve while I cherish the opportunity to prove to myself that it will not be shaped by such things.

As a kid, I had an illustrated book of Aesop’s Fables. This time of year, I’m often reminded of one fable in particular, that of the Wind and the Sun. As the tale goes, the two are in the midst of an argument over which is the stronger when they spot a traveller on the road below. The Sun suggests that whichever of them can cause the traveller to take off his cloak will be declared the winner. The Wind blows and blows with all its might but the traveller only pulls his cloak closer. The Sun, on the other hand, beams with all its yellow glory, and the traveller soon finds it too hot for his cloak and discards it.

Aesop’s moral was that kindness is more effective than severity, but that sounds a lot like it would require introspection to really digest. Instead, I like to think of myself as the traveller and my resolve as the cloak; the worse the weather, the closer I pull it to me and the more determined I am to hold my course. In fact, this concept extends to any hardship in life; the greater the challenge, the stronger my determination.

So there we are, the Rain and I, waiting for each other; me with my cloak and the Rain with its severity. At this time of year, when the skies have turned grey but the chill hasn’t yet arrived to keep it company, I enjoy waiting for the rain to fall before embarking on my rides. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the questioning looks from the neighbors who descend from their homes in coats and hiding beneath their umbrellas for the journey from front door to automobile; they serve as further evidence that the public still has some distance yet to cover before understanding the Velominatus.

The rain pours down and in minutes soaks my clothes. Rain drops drip from the brim of my cycling cap; when I clench my fist, water steams from the fingers of my gloves. The roads are soaked; both the rain and traffic cast debris towards the gutters. My path crosses between the two and the grit and dirt afloat in the rain water are flung onto my machine and body.

When I return home from the ride, the evidence of my journey is carried in my clothing which is heavy with water and debris. Overshoes and knee warmers, once removed, reveal my Flemish Tan Lines via the clean skin beneath.

Perhaps Flanders is a place not defined by the borders between people, but between wool and flesh. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • @frank

    @heinous

    Don't know if anyone has posted this elsewhere yet:

    EPMS positive, outrageous MTB rear mudguard present, facial hair replete. I present WinterWiggo for your viewing pleasure. I'm happy to say that I ride in the the same area as him and my Sunday club runs visit the same cafe as he does (see this months Cycling Plus - I've never seen him in there) so I'm in full agreement with the need for a mudguard but surely Team Sky can splash out on something a) more subtle and b) more effective!

    Great to see him back on his bike despite his recent injuries.

    He looks hella fat.

    They must have reinflated him post tdf. It looks like he put on 30lbs, looks like a normal guy befitting the epms (but not the mtb fender doo-hickey).

  • @DerHoggz Shit I like her better all mucky, she looks about 12 years old when cleaned up and much of my appreciation vanished instantly!

  • @heinous

    Don't know if anyone has posted this elsewhere yet:

    EPMS positive, outrageous MTB rear mudguard present, facial hair replete. I present WinterWiggo for your viewing pleasure. I'm happy to say that I ride in the the same area as him and my Sunday club runs visit the same cafe as he does (see this months Cycling Plus - I've never seen him in there) so I'm in full agreement with the need for a mudguard but surely Team Sky can splash out on something a) more subtle and b) more effective!

    Great to see him back on his bike despite his recent injuries.

    I also note that he hasn't burned the toe strip on his Bonts - maybe he has  man who cooks his shoes for him

  • @Deakus

    @DerHoggz Shit I like her better all mucky, she looks about 12 years old when cleaned up and much of my appreciation vanished instantly!

    No kidding!  Damn, you know you are getting old when 19 year olds start looking like they're twelve.  I walked around here on campus and everyone looks like they should be in junior high, not college!

  • hey guys,

    i would never - ever - install a silly mudguard like wiggo's but have been looking at this

    any one here knows about them??

    they say that, being dutch, they know about rain, and i tend to believe it.

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