La Vie Velominatus: Flemish Tan Lines

A select group of people appreciate this look.

Clouds hang heavy in the sky, plump with a rain which contemplates the opportunity to hurl itself towards the Earth below. I get the sense that we wait for each other, the Rain and I; the rain relishes the opportunity to soak my clothes and skin, seeking to corrode my resolve while I cherish the opportunity to prove to myself that it will not be shaped by such things.

As a kid, I had an illustrated book of Aesop’s Fables. This time of year, I’m often reminded of one fable in particular, that of the Wind and the Sun. As the tale goes, the two are in the midst of an argument over which is the stronger when they spot a traveller on the road below. The Sun suggests that whichever of them can cause the traveller to take off his cloak will be declared the winner. The Wind blows and blows with all its might but the traveller only pulls his cloak closer. The Sun, on the other hand, beams with all its yellow glory, and the traveller soon finds it too hot for his cloak and discards it.

Aesop’s moral was that kindness is more effective than severity, but that sounds a lot like it would require introspection to really digest. Instead, I like to think of myself as the traveller and my resolve as the cloak; the worse the weather, the closer I pull it to me and the more determined I am to hold my course. In fact, this concept extends to any hardship in life; the greater the challenge, the stronger my determination.

So there we are, the Rain and I, waiting for each other; me with my cloak and the Rain with its severity. At this time of year, when the skies have turned grey but the chill hasn’t yet arrived to keep it company, I enjoy waiting for the rain to fall before embarking on my rides. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the questioning looks from the neighbors who descend from their homes in coats and hiding beneath their umbrellas for the journey from front door to automobile; they serve as further evidence that the public still has some distance yet to cover before understanding the Velominatus.

The rain pours down and in minutes soaks my clothes. Rain drops drip from the brim of my cycling cap; when I clench my fist, water steams from the fingers of my gloves. The roads are soaked; both the rain and traffic cast debris towards the gutters. My path crosses between the two and the grit and dirt afloat in the rain water are flung onto my machine and body.

When I return home from the ride, the evidence of my journey is carried in my clothing which is heavy with water and debris. Overshoes and knee warmers, once removed, reveal my Flemish Tan Lines via the clean skin beneath.

Perhaps Flanders is a place not defined by the borders between people, but between wool and flesh. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • Whilst out on the Sunday Club run yesterday in the crappiest weather the Gower could throw at us, complete with sheep shit covered roads, it was suggested to me that I "get a winter bike, and old hack, £300 should do it...., saves all that cleaning"

    Truth is, I couldn't ride a dirty bike just from a personal pride point of view. Secondly, cleaning/maintaining a bike properly helps to ensure it doesn't let you down because the chances are, when it does it will be pissing down!

    ... and since when did 300 quid get you anything that looks remotely respectable anyway!

  • @il ciclista medio

    Yeah I am trying to get more comfortable with it myself, as even sitting on a trainer or rollers during the winter cannot replace good outdoor rides for maintaining a nice level of fitness through the dark months.

    It's always easier to start when it's dry, as once you're out there and it's raining, what can you do? You just have to keep going. And it's never as bad as it looks from inside your dry, warm house once you get going.

  • @Gervais here in Alberta what we lack in shitty roads we make up with angry redneck drivers.  I would take Quebec in a heartbeat!

  • @mcsqueak

    @il ciclista medio

    Yeah I am trying to get more comfortable with it myself, as even sitting on a trainer or rollers during the winter cannot replace good outdoor rides for maintaining a nice level of fitness through the dark months.

    It's always easier to start when it's dry, as once you're out there and it's raining, what can you do? You just have to keep going. And it's never as bad as it looks from inside your dry, warm house once you get going.

    Yeah, I used to think that way too. Start out dry and if it rains, deal with it. Nowadays it's more like... just start out. Whether you're wet now or an hour later doesn't really matter does it? There's that magical moment when one is riding in the rain, covered in whatever protective kit is used, that you feel completely drenched. You know that point where your waterproof booties are working and the next, squelch on the downward stroke! Aaaaah, heaven.....

     

  • @Mark1 I have a rain bike, but I find that I don't always use it in the rain? Go figure? No 1 or No 2 get used instead. As you say, a well maintained steed will rarely let one down, regardless of weather

  • Ahh.... riding in the rain ....especially on our country roads is a very special experience.  Some may say its madness tackling cars and trucks and other associated road heavies in the pooring rain but given the right clothing, layering helps, its a time to get all introspective and solve the problems of the world.  It keeps the cafe racers off the roads as well and also the "daddy bought me a porsche" riders that only have one bike, but that bike doesnt come out unless its 28 degrees and no wind.

    Sometimes, those are the rides you crave, solo, heading over country roads, rain making that familiar sound on the helmut and rain jacket, no one else around but the smell of wet grass and steamy bitumen......

    Stop it, I like it........

  • @frank

    I was very tempted to give you shit about the absurdity of running white Belgian booties in the rain, having the good sense to run black myself. Then I saw that the Flandrien gunk made a sort of distorted, cog-like pattern around the cuff, and I realized it was pure genius.

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