La Vie Velominatus: Perched Eyewear

Pantani was a master at reading the V-Meter

There is something supremely Fantastic about a precisely manicured set of sunglasses, particularly when they’re not being used for their intended purpose. Certainly, there are times when circumstance offer no alternative but to actually look through them, but for the most part, it’s a bit pedestrian to use sunglasses for seeing through.

I’ve been obsessed with sunglasses since I was a kid; photos of the Smallest Frank Imaginable feature sunglasses in close proximity, usually perched atop my head of wavy brown hair and rarely anywhere near my eyes. As an athlete, sunglasses have never been far adrift, whether in skiing or cycling, and – in all seriousness – for good reason: eyes are fragile things that should be protected.

Nevertheless, whenever any kind of effort is required, I quickly find myself moving the eyeglasses away from my eyes in an almost claustrophobic panic, and it wasn’t until my most recent ride up Haleakala in my 30th year of sport that the reason for this occurred to me. As athletes, we are hugely dependent on our vision to gauge our effort.

Flying by V-Meter only, our vision offers a constant feedback loop to how near the Man with the Hammer has wandered, and how sharp his blow might be. As we approach sustained effort at or above aerobic threshold, one of the early signs of Diminishing V Returns is the flushing of blood from our cheeks followed closely by the tunneling of our vision. Color is desaturated, then the sides box in a bit, then things get a bit narrow and blurry, and after that the deterioration is not normally recalled in any degree of clarity.

It struck me like a bolt from Merckx’s Crankset: when my vision starts to go, I tear away my sunglasses in order to gauge my effort without the abstraction of the lens. So long as I ride within myself, the shades happily cover my eyes; when I am at my limit, they come off and pop onto the helmet. I used to blame claustrophobia, now I realize it is a matter of gaining an unobstructed view on the V-Meter.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @DerHoggz

    Eyewear looks best perched on a cycling cap IMO.

    I have devised a theory as to why @frank cannot find an acceptable cycling cap these days, helmets. Not to start a debate, but they don't go well together. In order to not have the helmet pushed back-up at a terrible angle, the peak of the cap must be very short, this short peak looks awful once the helmet is removed. In the old days of the cycling cap, helmets were not worn, and the leather hairnets had a higher "brim" which allowed the wearing of a proper cap while still maintaining the ability to see.

    You just have to know how to wear the cap without the helmet, and you just have to know how to wear it with it.

    Start here, with the three point system.

    http://www.velominati.com/tradition/look-pro-part-i-three-point-system/

    Then move on to the discussion on the proper cycling cap; this is not a theory, by the way - it is simply the way it is.

    http://www.velominati.com/folklore/look-pro-part-ix-proper-cycling-caps/

    When worn correctly with a helmet, it is quite a good looking combination on all counts.

    The search for the V-Cap continues predominantly because those companies who make the right size brim with the right fabric all make their caps in China and with China comes enormous volume requirements - and I'm just not willing to do that. I continue my quest for a good vendor and actually have a good lead from @Adrian, but I've not picked that up as we were busy with our book deadline (it was Jan 1), redesigning the V-Kit and socks, running the site, and (for me) starting a new job.

    Bidons are coming as well, by the by.

  • @frank At the Worlds in Geelong year before last, they were handing out free caps to everyone, that were perfect - the brim is 50cm at its widest point.  Branded Cyling Australia, no manufacturers label but had a Santini brand printed on the back.  sorry dont have a photo.

  • @ChrisO

    @frank

    I wouldn't consider the Cav pics to be a short peak.  Maybe it is a combination of my head/helmet/position that causes problems.  However, going off the 3PS article, none of the people who are wearing a helmet properly could wear a cap with such a peak.  The classic position has the cap up around one's hairline (possibly lower for you older gents), which then puts the peak into the proper position.  I have two caps, the one with the short peak is wool and the peak can't be more then 3cm (I don't have it on hand ATM) and fits perfectly, while the one with the standard length blocks my view unless I adjust my helmet so it isn't covering my forehead.

    Do you have any pics of proper helmet+cap wearing?

  • @frank new job? We all thought your job was right here taking care of us assholes.

    Sox? Bidons? Cool!

  • Very timely thread for me. I was out this evening in the pissing rain, coming down hard enough that it was difficult to ride without the glasses on because it was uncomfortable to keep my eyes open; but the rain was beading on the lenses so badly that it was nearly impossible to see. The problem became much worse when it became dark as every street light and head/taillight was refracted 10,000 ways in the droplets on the lenses.

    Is there anything to put on the lenses to bead and shed the water? Like Rain-X for the windshield? I would try that, but I'm afraid of what it would do to plastic lenses.

  • @Spun Up

    Very timely thread for me. I was out this evening in the pissing rain, coming down hard enough that it was difficult to ride without the glasses on because it was uncomfortable to keep my eyes open; but the rain was beading on the lenses so badly that it was nearly impossible to see. The problem became much worse when it became dark as every street light and head/taillight was refracted 10,000 ways in the droplets on the lenses.

    Is there anything to put on the lenses to bead and shed the water? Like Rain-X for the windshield? I would try that, but I'm afraid of what it would do to plastic lenses.

    Urine.

  • @PeakInTwoYears

    Straight from the tap or chilled? Does women's urine work better than men's? How about pregnant women, or animals? I have a bottle of doe urine in the garage. Will that get it? If I eat asparagus before I pee on my glasses, will everyone be able to tell or just me?

    Inquiring minds want to know...

  • @Spun Up

    Well, I tried doe urine. No bucks came around, and my glasses fogged up, and I ate my deer tag that season. I suggest trying the urine of an attractive young woman. But as my neighbor Cooter will tell you, you really want to make sure she's of legal age, first thing.

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