La Vie Velominatus: Perched Eyewear

Pantani was a master at reading the V-Meter

There is something supremely Fantastic about a precisely manicured set of sunglasses, particularly when they’re not being used for their intended purpose. Certainly, there are times when circumstance offer no alternative but to actually look through them, but for the most part, it’s a bit pedestrian to use sunglasses for seeing through.

I’ve been obsessed with sunglasses since I was a kid; photos of the Smallest Frank Imaginable feature sunglasses in close proximity, usually perched atop my head of wavy brown hair and rarely anywhere near my eyes. As an athlete, sunglasses have never been far adrift, whether in skiing or cycling, and – in all seriousness – for good reason: eyes are fragile things that should be protected.

Nevertheless, whenever any kind of effort is required, I quickly find myself moving the eyeglasses away from my eyes in an almost claustrophobic panic, and it wasn’t until my most recent ride up Haleakala in my 30th year of sport that the reason for this occurred to me. As athletes, we are hugely dependent on our vision to gauge our effort.

Flying by V-Meter only, our vision offers a constant feedback loop to how near the Man with the Hammer has wandered, and how sharp his blow might be. As we approach sustained effort at or above aerobic threshold, one of the early signs of Diminishing V Returns is the flushing of blood from our cheeks followed closely by the tunneling of our vision. Color is desaturated, then the sides box in a bit, then things get a bit narrow and blurry, and after that the deterioration is not normally recalled in any degree of clarity.

It struck me like a bolt from Merckx’s Crankset: when my vision starts to go, I tear away my sunglasses in order to gauge my effort without the abstraction of the lens. So long as I ride within myself, the shades happily cover my eyes; when I am at my limit, they come off and pop onto the helmet. I used to blame claustrophobia, now I realize it is a matter of gaining an unobstructed view on the V-Meter.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • Alas I wear prescription eyewear so it is never perched on helmet or cap for me... unless I am resting my eyes at the end of a ride.  I will also admit that Rule #37 doesn't really work for prescriptio eyewear, but I am guessing that the over the helmet straps thinking is related to facilitating the eyewear perching.

  • @all,

    When discussing which eyewear is the best I think it's like jabbering about which bike is the best for any given person. Any given brand is going to fit different face types. I was a huge fan of Smith for a long time. Oakley's have never worked for me as cycling eyewear. Casual only.

    I'm stoked by Rudy Project stuff for me personally. I think (and hope that Keepers would agree), that you should try on everything you can get your hands on, and if it looks good, buy it.

  • @the Engine

    @seemunkee

    @the Engine

    Now that I need reading glasses I'm stuck with The V-Meter because I can't see the frikkin readout on my Cateye.

    Map reading on the MTB is particularly hilarious if you forget to squirrel away a pair of specs.

    Solutions and suggestions please...

    You can get some stick on magnifyers and just cut a small piece to put in your sunnies. I've been meaning to do this but can still read my Cateye if I squint. I should order some since the day will come soon when I'll get lost and cant read the GPS on my phone.

    Do pros wear stick on magnifiers?

    Do they look fantastic?

    1.  Pros have closed roads and routes laid out for them.

    B.  Maybe when they get into their 50s they will.

    iii.  Yes they do.

  • @PeakInTwoYears

    Well, I AM from Arkansas, so my middle name is Cooter and I have a sistercousin who has reached the age of consent (12) who will be happy to oblige...

    But seriously, I can't see shite when my glasses have raindrops all over them. Anybody have a solution? wiping them with my gloves just makes a mess.

  • @starclimber

    Inverted through the helmet vents is usually pretty secure. Usually.

    Depends on which shades and which helmet; Bell Volt or Sweep are very secure, to the point of staying in on the cobbles - upside down or not will depend on your shades. Giro seems much less firm, based on the VMH's helmet.

    @Sauterelle

    :::drool:::

  • @Fausto

    I'm blind as a bat so I have to ride with them to see anything past about 30cm.

    (I'm referring to the Ray Charles at 0:10, of course.)

  • @Spun Up

    I have Puma frames for my prescription glasses with photo chromatic lenses they go on at 5:15am and come off at 10:00pm! I sweat like a waterfall the only thing that seams to help clear the lenses during a ride is to lick your finger and wipe the spit across the lens like a windshield wiper, this also works as an anti fog treatment, but alas not for long!

    Anyone got any good recommendations for keeping sweat out of the eyes? I use a Gut 'R and a Halo skull cap with a rubber strip to push the sweat to the side of the head.

  • @chezzie

    My current set of cycling eyewear is photosensitive, so covers all possibilities from pitch black (before dawn) to sunny days with the snow here. I'm happy with that, but they do sometimes go in the helmet on a climb.

    D.

    My new Radar Locks are photo sensitive; I wore them with a headlight yesterday - and at the top of Haleakala, they were jet black. Amazing how far that technology has come. Knowing that now, I'd have forgone the clear spare lens for a polarized or iridium option.

    I suspect this will be my most-used pair of Oakleys. But I still love my Jawbones - fantastic in cooler weather especially.

  • @wiscot

    This. Just...this.

    @Paul 8v

    How about this:

    for some vintage eyewear placement on the late Pierre Cogan...

    Its a great look - very Desert Fox, who despite being a Nazi was a master of the aesthetic.

    @the Engine

    I've been told very firmly on here before that modern cap brims must always be flipped down as they are too big to be flipped up - especially the Pearl Izumi ones that I was rocking last year.

    Rule #22 only covers the general prohibition of off bike cap wear - I feel very strongly that the Keepers should hew in to the granite of the walls of the hollowed out volcano wherein the original rules are guarded 24 hours a day an addendum (I could never suggest an additional Rule as I am not worthy) giving the law on cap peaks.

    Additionally - whilst Rules #36, #37 and #39 give specific instructions on wearing eyewear on the bike in the first place; point out that it must be cycling specific and that it shall always be worn over helmet straps there is no guidance to the off-bike wearing of cycling specific eyewear.

    Is sporting Jawbones whilst driving a Ferrari, perusing "Cyclist" on the balcony of one's condo or shark fishing ok or is one automatically rendered a douche?

    Yes, unless your name is John Bonham, in which case you can do whatever the fuck you want while shark fishing from a balcony.

  • @Ron

    Frank, I was intrigued to see you in the Volcano Climb sticking your shades into your helmet with one hand. I don't think I've ever tried this & I'm not sure if it is due to being extremely careful with mine or that I've tried it and have needed two.

    My approach is not that complicated, really. I just don't drop them. And I was very annoyed at how flubbed that shade perching went. Very unpro. Normally its one straight move.

    @DerHoggz

    Do you have any pics of proper helmet+cap wearing?

    Yes, see my response to @Sauterelle.

1 4 5 6 7 8 11
Share
Published by
frank

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

7 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

7 years ago