Categories: La Vie VelominatusLook ProThe Rules

La Vie Velominatus: Perched Eyewear

Pantani was a master at reading the V-Meter

There is something supremely Fantastic about a precisely manicured set of sunglasses, particularly when they’re not being used for their intended purpose. Certainly, there are times when circumstance offer no alternative but to actually look through them, but for the most part, it’s a bit pedestrian to use sunglasses for seeing through.

I’ve been obsessed with sunglasses since I was a kid; photos of the Smallest Frank Imaginable feature sunglasses in close proximity, usually perched atop my head of wavy brown hair and rarely anywhere near my eyes. As an athlete, sunglasses have never been far adrift, whether in skiing or cycling, and – in all seriousness – for good reason: eyes are fragile things that should be protected.

Nevertheless, whenever any kind of effort is required, I quickly find myself moving the eyeglasses away from my eyes in an almost claustrophobic panic, and it wasn’t until my most recent ride up Haleakala in my 30th year of sport that the reason for this occurred to me. As athletes, we are hugely dependent on our vision to gauge our effort.

Flying by V-Meter only, our vision offers a constant feedback loop to how near the Man with the Hammer has wandered, and how sharp his blow might be. As we approach sustained effort at or above aerobic threshold, one of the early signs of Diminishing V Returns is the flushing of blood from our cheeks followed closely by the tunneling of our vision. Color is desaturated, then the sides box in a bit, then things get a bit narrow and blurry, and after that the deterioration is not normally recalled in any degree of clarity.

It struck me like a bolt from Merckx’s Crankset: when my vision starts to go, I tear away my sunglasses in order to gauge my effort without the abstraction of the lens. So long as I ride within myself, the shades happily cover my eyes; when I am at my limit, they come off and pop onto the helmet. I used to blame claustrophobia, now I realize it is a matter of gaining an unobstructed view on the V-Meter.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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il ciclista medio says:

Jan 10 2013 at 4:06 am

I leave my sunnies on regardless of how much effort is being exerted. Even in the rain I find it more comfortable and practical to have them on rather than water and road grit being flung into my eyes. Oh, one must look fabulous at all times as well whilst on the bike....
wiscot says:

Jan 10 2013 at 5:19 am

@ChrisO

@DerHoggz

Eyewear looks best perched on a cycling cap IMO.

I have devised a theory as to why @frank cannot find an acceptable cycling cap these days, helmets. Not to start a debate, but they don't go well together. In order to not have the helmet pushed back-up at a terrible angle, the peak of the cap must be very short, this short peak looks awful once the helmet is removed. In the old days of the cycling cap, helmets were not worn, and the leather hairnets had a higher "brim" which allowed the wearing of a proper cap while still maintaining the ability to see.

Cycling caps had short brims in the 'old days' too, as you'll see from the various images of Merckx, de Vlaeminck etc which adorn this site.

Whether or not you wear it with a helmet irrelevant. The peak has to be short so that you can see ahead when you're riding, especially if you are in the drops. It's a perfect combination of form and function - you see just far enough ahead to be safe but not so much the the sun or rain comes through.

As for whether the short peak looks awful without the helmet, I fundamentally disagree. I think they look much better than a baseball-style cap, and terrible under a helmet - it's always wrong. See below...

Does this look awful ?

Does this look awful ?

The upper pic is ok, it's the jaunty hipster placement in the lower picture that is just awful.
Paul 8v says:

Jan 10 2013 at 6:17 am

How about this:

for some vintage eyewear placement on the late Pierre Cogan...
the Engine says:

Jan 10 2013 at 6:39 am

I've been told very firmly on here before that modern cap brims must always be flipped down as they are too big to be flipped up - especially the Pearl Izumi ones that I was rocking last year.

Rule #22 only covers the general prohibition of off bike cap wear - I feel very strongly that the Keepers should hew in to the granite of the walls of the hollowed out volcano wherein the original rules are guarded 24 hours a day an addendum (I could never suggest an additional Rule as I am not worthy) giving the law on cap peaks.

Additionally - whilst Rules #36, #37 and #39 give specific instructions on wearing eyewear on the bike in the first place; point out that it must be cycling specific and that it shall always be worn over helmet straps there is no guidance to the off-bike wearing of cycling specific eyewear.

Is sporting Jawbones whilst driving a Ferrari, perusing "Cyclist" on the balcony of one's condo or shark fishing ok or is one automatically rendered a douche?
VeloVita says:

Jan 10 2013 at 7:47 am

@sthilzy

Over the years I've tried the perching look, and fail at it. Destroyed a few pairs if Oakley razor blades, frogskins. gave up buying specific eyewear. Can a cord attached to each arm going around the back of the neck acceptable?

Do you mean a cord from each arm of the sunglasses? or each of your arms and around your neck like little kids wear to keep from losing their mittens? Either way I'd say 'no'.
PeakInTwoYears says:

Jan 10 2013 at 7:48 am

@the Engine

@Fausto

As @the Engine must know, contacts don't help with presbyopia (what happens when you get old as fuck and your eyes won't focus on stuff up close and you have to pull reading glasses out of your pocket and sit them in front of your contacts).

Yeah, the mtb thing and maps is just a pain in the ass. I can get by using the display on my Android phone, zooming in and out in the app I'm running. Generally, though, I have a pair of cheap, thin, plastic readers in my jersey or jacket because I've gotten to the point at which I always have a pair on my person anyway.
VeloVita says:

Jan 10 2013 at 7:56 am

Apparently Delgado disagrees with me
scaler911 says:

Jan 10 2013 at 8:03 am

Stylin group of a-holes right here.
ChrisO says:

Jan 10 2013 at 8:06 am

@VeloVita

Apparently Delgado disagrees with me

Michael Mcintyre agrees with you if it's any consolation. The bit about using a cord is about 2 mins in.
seemunkee says:

Jan 10 2013 at 8:33 am

@the Engine

Now that I need reading glasses I'm stuck with The V-Meter because I can't see the frikkin readout on my Cateye.

Map reading on the MTB is particularly hilarious if you forget to squirrel away a pair of specs.

Solutions and suggestions please...

You can get some stick on magnifyers and just cut a small piece to put in your sunnies. I've been meaning to do this but can still read my Cateye if I squint. I should order some since the day will come soon when I'll get lost and cant read the GPS on my phone.