Categories: La Vie VelominatusThe HardmenThe RulesUnforgettable Rides

La Vie Velominatus: The Gifts of Rule #9

An early morning ride on Keepers Tour 2013. Photo: Brett Kennedy

We’re not really supposed to have favorites, but everyone does. Just ask your parents. So while I’m not supposed to have a favorite, I do, and its Rule #9.

Bad weather immediately separates the wheat from the chaff, and so the weekend warriors stay indoors and leave the roads to the devout. I talk most often about riding in the rain, with the drops of water dripping from my cap acting as my personal metronome as I carve a path through the chaos towards a happier self. But sunny days in the cold can provide their own glorious solitude.

On Keepers Tour 2013, we had unseasonably cold weather, and some of the best rides we had were early morning spins before heading off to the races. With the sun hanging low over the horizon, we rode through our frozen breath, together in close formation yet each of us retreating inward as we steeled ourselves against the cold. These were beautiful, peaceful rides.

This winter in Seattle has been relatively dry, but also cold. On the weekends, the country roads are nearly deserted and all that is left is the silent, still air and the burning of cold air as it enters my lungs. On a recent solo ride on Whidbey Island, I spun down the same roads which only a few months earlier I had ridden with friends on the annual Whidbey Island Cogal. The island seems a full place then, now it looked like an entirely different place – empty and beautiful.

There is something about the way the bike handles in the cold. The tires are firmer, the rubber less supple. The connection between bicycle and road seems simultaneously harsher and more fragile than in the warm. The muscles in my arms and hands are also more twitchy in the cold. Not twitchy like I can suddenly sprint; twitchy like I have difficulty controlling what they are doing – where normally I pride myself on holding a clean line, in the cold a small bump in the road might trigger a spasm that sends the bike into a wobble. Its an exciting way to ride.

Quiet roads, a still harbor, an early morning sunrise; these are the gifts reserved for those who ventured out when others stay in. These are the gifts of Rule #9.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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wiscot says:

Jan 8 2014 at 9:24 am

@Chris

@frank

Scaler posted a photo somewhere of a PNW highway with a faux electronic street sign with the message, "ITS SNOWING! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!"

On par with this gem...

Is that the Erskine bridge over the Clyde? Looks like it.
frank says:

Jan 8 2014 at 11:03 am

@KW

@frank

@KW

@frank

Snow rules, but fuck me if anyone outside the midwest knows what the fuck to do with it.

Two years ago, the VMH and I were in your fair city for a visit. There was a snow "storm" that came through right before we flew in-I think it dropped 2-3 inches, max. The woman at the rental car counter tried to convince us to rent a tank and not the compact we had reserved. When we declined and said we'd be fine, she look at us like we were nuts. I told her we were from Milwaukee and we'd call this a dusting.

We stayed downtown, and fuck me if we could find a restaurant open. We walked around for quite a while and ended up having to eat in our hotel. Now, I know it doesn't snow there a lot, but I grew up in the PNW and I know damn well that it does snow from time to time. Should take more than 3 inches to shut down a city. Rule #5 Seattle!

Scaler posted a photo somewhere of a PNW highway with a faux electronic street sign with the message, "ITS SNOWING! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!"

What I've learned living here and in the Southeast is that its not so much whether you can drive in the snow, its all the people around you. Without the infrastructure to support it, you'll be driving along happily in control and some idiot will come spinning out at you and crash into you.

Hell, even around here you have to be careful about that. People think they can drive in the snow, but then you get huge pileups on the freeway. "You mean I can't drive 80 in this? But I drive a giant SUV!" Morons.

Every car has four-wheel brakes. Your four-wheel drive will only become a fact when you try to drive out of the ditch.
frank says:

Jan 8 2014 at 11:23 am

@scaler911

@Mike_P

So, there I was at lunchtime today. I'd left my phone in the car in the morning so popped along to the multi-storey carpark to collect it. When I got there, there was a hatchback (apologies, I don't know what our Murican brethren call them) with its tailgate open and a radio playing. Nothing odd in that. I thought the owner may have been fixing it or a tire. Then I noticed a whirring sound and the guy in the space between the front of the car and the carpark wall, on his turbo, banging out a training session. With it having rained sideways here for a few days, he's obviously kept his bike and turbo in his car and used his lunchtime and some ingenuity to train. Top marks.

That's fucking fab! Here though, you'd come out for a trainer session in the parking garage and find the hatchback open, bike and turbo missing, stereo gone, and when you got your shit together and started your car, it'd be super loud. Why loud you ask? Because the catalytic converter would be gone.

EXACTLY.
SimonH says:

Jan 8 2014 at 2:03 pm

@frank

As I wrote in my column for Cyclist a few months ago, chewing on a rooster tail is just the price you pay for the luxury of a draft. Don't like it? Go the front, don't demand others besmirch their magnificent steed with unnecessary accouterment.

I didn't think bikes with fenders was a bad thing if done right. I offer my N+1 as an example, specifically for Rule 9 rides.
unversio says:

Jan 8 2014 at 2:20 pm

@frank

As I wrote in my column for Cyclist a few months ago, chewing on a rooster tail is just the price you pay for the luxury of a draft. Don't like it?

Admittedly I do like it -- even better without eyewear. It's also the price you pay for having the wherewithal to stay on.
unversio says:

Jan 8 2014 at 2:31 pm

@SimonH Nice machine. It just appears to be saying, "O my fenders."
Duntov says:

Jan 8 2014 at 4:49 pm

I really like this article a lot but --- I guess rule #9 is a bit transitory in nature --- meaning, if you are in the Pacific Northwest (I am "from" Portland) then riding in the rain is compulsory. You do it or you do not ride. The same goes for Phoenix/Scottsdale (where I have also lived) in the summer but is heat related. But I find myself living in Georgia these days so rain is not an issue (except during hurricane season).....but mind melting heat and humidity are the norm during the late spring to early fall. But then again after returning to cycling after many many years and riding around Georgia I found a new menace --- any random "Badass" can handle heat, cold, wind rain, humidity, hail, etc etc ---- but running over a rattle snake at speed (Like around 35 KPH) should qualify one as a "BADASS" --- weather notwithstanding.... " I mean I'm just sayin "---- (By the way --- the dam things still slither away!!!!)------

Post Script: I don't want to violate any rules and would never do so but now I need to find some rattle snake decals (not stickers) for my road bike --- I need three (really) ---- kinda like enemy flags on the side of a fighter plane ----

Regards Duntov (Bill)
frank says:

Jan 8 2014 at 7:02 pm

@SimonH

Ok, I'll concede that if you have your bike made with custom matching mud guards and have them (apparently) welded to the frame, then yes, it can look quite fine.

Its still an implicit contravention of Rules 5 and 9.
frank says:

Jan 8 2014 at 7:07 pm

@Duntov

I would be afraid they'd wrap themselves around the wheel and whip up and bike you in the face in some horrifying Furious Five Viper attack.
Duntov says:

Jan 8 2014 at 7:44 pm

Frank:

They in fact recoil rather violently --- so you kinda time the stroke to keep your leg (the side nearest the head) at the top of the circuit if possible ---- the good news is they are going backward when they do so ---- the key at that point is to keep moving!!! They are actually much more dangerous just hanging out on the side of the road in a coiled position --- the little buggers have eyes in the side of their heads---!!!

Later Duntov (Bill)