Categories: Anatomy of a PhotoAwesome Italian GuysKitLook ProThe Rules

Look Pro: Baller

Pantani shows how to do it.

Whenever something tries to be something it isn’t, you wind up getting into trouble. Those Cutlass Cruisers in the 70’s and 80’s with vinyl wood panelling weren’t fooling anyone. Neither are those linoleum tiles in my kitchen; not one person in history has ever mistaken them for being marble. And Lycra has never tricked anyone into believing it was a pair of jean shorts. Despite the extra effort to add a fly and pockets to them.

Which brings up an important point. Looking Pro is not the same as Looking Fantastic. They mostly just stumble into looking cool because they’re on their bikes so much that everything becomes natural for them. But Pros frequently look completely crap, often because their sponsors are paying them to wear something no one in their right mind would ever wear. Like denim-printed bib shorts. But sometimes, when you’re baller enough, you can pull off the most horrendous of kit and still Look Fantastic.

Pantani is the only rider on the long list of those who rode for Carrera who ever pulled off this look. Shit, he even pulled off the all-denim-print long sleeve jersey. He might even have special-ordered it, just to prove he could do it.

Don’t try this at home, kids. You are not this cool, and you can not pull off that look. Pencils down, class dismissed.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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wilburrox says:

Jun 4 2015 at 5:52 pm

@Chris

A Mario Bro's mushroom ?!? Ohhh man... so classic. That was good. Really good. Quite a remarkable achievement ?? Hah, double cheers!
Mikael Liddy says:

Jun 4 2015 at 6:21 pm

@Barracuda

haha, office has floor based air con vents, causes interesting feels when you combine an upward cool breeze, freshly shaved guns & suit pants!

Also, ride departs are slightly delayed nowadays due to extra time choosing which shoes to wear...
gilly says:

Jun 4 2015 at 11:32 pm

@Nate

@gilly

@nate. Now THAT is a mullet!!

GERT!!!!!

You know it!!! Half cyclist half son of Satan
LawnCzar says:

Jun 5 2015 at 4:05 am

El Diablo in the polka dot jersey: the real deal. A climber who rides with heart and goes on these crazy, long solo breakaways? Yes, please. When I was a kid that's the rider I wanted to be (and, in my heart, that's still true). I'll admit that I wanted a polka dot jersey because when I thought of it, he was wearing it. Sometimes it's the man that makes the shirt.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OmRQ3hBz7H4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
DeKerr says:

Jun 5 2015 at 10:25 am

@Mikael Liddy

Goddammit man! Your sartorial splendour is giving me a serious case of footwear envy. Empires and Rapha GTs??

If I manage to ever make it back to the Land Down Under you and I are going for a ride.
wiscot says:

Jun 5 2015 at 10:46 am

@gilly

@Nate

@gilly

@nate. Now THAT is a mullet!!

GERT!!!!!

You know it!!! Half cyclist half son of Satan

You know what he's thinking "If I look dopey enough no-one will associate me with this monstrosity of a "bike" I'm holding. Either that or he's pretending not to see the mysteriously airborne truck right behind him.
wiscot says:

Jun 5 2015 at 10:48 am

@fignons barber

@frank

Jesus, came across this little gem searching from Figgles rockin’ the Castorama kit…helmets have really made a bit of progress in the style department, haven’t they?

That’s the old Vetta helmet. I had one around ’91 or ’92. I remember purchasing it because : 1) it was the same one Rolf Sorenson wore with Ariostea, and 2) it was $40 at Bike Nashbar. I found it in the garage a couple months ago, looks surprisingly similar to an aero-road lid of today.

The Z Peugeot rider is wearing a Giro Air Attack. Still got mine. If it wasn't a good fit out of the box you just added more and more foam padding inside.
Stephen says:

Jun 5 2015 at 2:12 pm

@unversio

@Chris

@Stephen

Never in doubt.

You were either posting pictures of yourself dressed as a Mario Bros mushroom to random internet sites or you’ve missed every point ever made on this one.

Either way, it’s quite a remarkable achievement. Chapeau.

Poor lads. You underestimate me. It all ties together with the frame colors quite nicely...
frank says:

Jun 5 2015 at 2:18 pm

@Stephen

Not to keep railing on you, but is that a fucking cup of coffee in your rear bidon??
Stephen says:

Jun 5 2015 at 2:29 pm

@frank

based on the stem, saddle, tires and bar tape combo, this was a few years ago, but I would assume it was a post ride cappuccino. The ambient lighting makes me think it was an overcast and cool day, but not Rule 9 weather.