Categories: Anatomy of a PhotoAwesome Italian GuysKitLook ProThe Rules

Look Pro: Baller

Pantani shows how to do it.

Whenever something tries to be something it isn’t, you wind up getting into trouble. Those Cutlass Cruisers in the 70’s and 80’s with vinyl wood panelling weren’t fooling anyone. Neither are those linoleum tiles in my kitchen; not one person in history has ever mistaken them for being marble. And Lycra has never tricked anyone into believing it was a pair of jean shorts. Despite the extra effort to add a fly and pockets to them.

Which brings up an important point. Looking Pro is not the same as Looking Fantastic. They mostly just stumble into looking cool because they’re on their bikes so much that everything becomes natural for them. But Pros frequently look completely crap, often because their sponsors are paying them to wear something no one in their right mind would ever wear. Like denim-printed bib shorts. But sometimes, when you’re baller enough, you can pull off the most horrendous of kit and still Look Fantastic.

Pantani is the only rider on the long list of those who rode for Carrera who ever pulled off this look. Shit, he even pulled off the all-denim-print long sleeve jersey. He might even have special-ordered it, just to prove he could do it.

Don’t try this at home, kids. You are not this cool, and you can not pull off that look. Pencils down, class dismissed.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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unversio says:

Jun 5 2015 at 3:35 pm

@Mikael Liddy

@Teocalli

@osbk67

Lace-ups were good enough for The Prophet (not that he had much choice) so as long as the bike is of a suitable era and riding clips I see no sin. In fact I have a pair (though not so shiny) for riding The Butler. As they say, Cuff and Tails should match so I trust @stephen also has leather gloves with string backs.

now I’m going to pull you lot up on this, there’s no need for laced shoes to be reserved for vintage days…

Get some shoe modeling talent to hire for any other images like this -- or just don't do it.
Mikael Liddy says:

Jun 5 2015 at 4:25 pm

@unversio

yeah I wasn't particularly happy with it either, but it was the only shot I had of that pair in use & uncovered at this stage. Belgian Booties are all I'm seeing at the moment with pre-dawn winter rides.
Joe says:

Jun 5 2015 at 5:07 pm

@wiscot

@Nate

Frankly, it’s the mullet that disturbs me the most. Why would you sign someone who makes such irresponsible decisions regarding his personal appearance? Oh, yeah, because they got to wear the Castorama kit.

That being said, the fact that we still discuss the Castorama kit means the designer did their job. Most of use could give the cops a pretty good description of it from memory – more than could be said for most kits past and present.

Let’s have a good kit/bad kit discussion again. They always liven things up. First rule of Good Kit Club – Atala from the 80s is top 5 cool together with La Vie Clair, Del Tongo, Skil-Sem and Peugeot.

The "designer" was Larry Fignon, according to his autobio. He apparently did up the Systeme U kit as well. As for the mullet, well, the two-time Grand Boucle winner had a little more class than that . . .
Ron says:

Jun 9 2015 at 5:18 am

@wiscot

Thanks for posting! Rock Racing? Are you kidding me? Whoa! Where to start – they cite TI Raleigh and show Fignon in Systeme U kit. They talk Bianchi and show Ullrich – not Gimondi. No Peugeot checkered bands? The Kit of Merckx, Thevenet, Millar, Esclassan et al? Saeco FFS? What about Flandria – the original Red Guard? DeMayer, Maertens, Kelly. Put together by a hipster intern who knows SFA I think.

Many of these top 10 lists out there are put together by some dopey intern who thinks history begins in about 1998. It's pathetic. As a historian, it's depressing. I have no idea how anyone is going to impress upon someone raised with a smart phone and wikipedia that there is more to the world than googling something for instant gratification, which then goes out the window to be forgotten.
chuckp says:

Jun 9 2015 at 8:31 am

Since this has somehow morphed into a shoe, sock, and kit thread ... Rode my retro-mod steel is real Hollands over the weekend with retro Renault-Elf jersey and modern Sock Guy plaid socks. Stripes and plaid. Le Blaireau meets Sock Guy style.
wiscot says:

Jun 9 2015 at 9:13 am

@Ron

@wiscot

Thanks for posting! Rock Racing? Are you kidding me? Whoa! Where to start – they cite TI Raleigh and show Fignon in Systeme U kit. They talk Bianchi and show Ullrich – not Gimondi. No Peugeot checkered bands? The Kit of Merckx, Thevenet, Millar, Esclassan et al? Saeco FFS? What about Flandria – the original Red Guard? DeMayer, Maertens, Kelly. Put together by a hipster intern who knows SFA I think.

Many of these top 10 lists out there are put together by some dopey intern who thinks history begins in about 1998. It’s pathetic. As a historian, it’s depressing. I have no idea how anyone is going to impress upon someone raised with a smart phone and wikipedia that there is more to the world than googling something for instant gratification, which then goes out the window to be forgotten.

Amen brother. I'm not that old, but my point of reference for "old" is pre WW2. After that we're in the modern era. I fear we are going to be succeeded by generations of people with the attention-spans of fruit flies.
DeKerr says:

Jun 9 2015 at 11:18 am

@chuckp

Lookin' good... wait... why is your Hollands in the little ring / big cog?

@Stephen

What the hell man? Those shorts don't tie anything together.
Mikael Liddy says:

Jun 9 2015 at 5:29 pm

@chuckp

nice, especially liking the socks.
Barracuda says:

Jun 9 2015 at 11:26 pm

@Stephen

@frank

based on the stem, saddle, tires and bar tape combo, this was a few years ago, but I would assume it was a post ride cappuccino. The ambient lighting makes me think it was an overcast and cool day, but not Rule #9 weather.

You Sir, are surely taking the piss ! Please tell me Im right.
Teocalli says:

Jun 10 2015 at 1:14 am

@Stephen

Poor lads. You underestimate me. It all ties together with the frame colors quite nicely…

While we may give you credit for a piss take, that frame is mostly black. 'nuf said.