Whenever something tries to be something it isn’t, you wind up getting into trouble. Those Cutlass Cruisers in the 70’s and 80’s with vinyl wood panelling weren’t fooling anyone. Neither are those linoleum tiles in my kitchen; not one person in history has ever mistaken them for being marble. And Lycra has never tricked anyone into believing it was a pair of jean shorts. Despite the extra effort to add a fly and pockets to them.

Which brings up an important point. Looking Pro is not the same as Looking Fantastic. They mostly just stumble into looking cool because they’re on their bikes so much that everything becomes natural for them. But Pros frequently look completely crap, often because their sponsors are paying them to wear something no one in their right mind would ever wear. Like denim-printed bib shorts. But sometimes, when you’re baller enough, you can pull off the most horrendous of kit and still Look Fantastic.

Pantani is the only rider on the long list of those who rode for Carrera who ever pulled off this look. Shit, he even pulled off the all-denim-print long sleeve jersey. He might even have special-ordered it, just to prove he could do it.

Don’t try this at home, kids. You are not this cool, and you can not pull off that look. Pencils down, class dismissed.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @DeKerr

    Thank you.

    End of my ride. I pretty much start and end all my rides from home these days. Gives me a chance to both warm up and cool down riding in an urban environment. So I'm always in my small ring leaving and returning. Plus my Hollands is old school gearing.  53/39 up front and 12x23 in back -- used to be 12x21 when I raced but I had to make an accommodation for getting old(er). :-)  Even so, 39x23 is hardly that small a gear compared to modern compact gearing.

    @chuckp

    Lookin’ good… wait… why is your Hollands in the little ring / big cog?

  • @Mikael Liddy

    Thanks Mikael! I see a pair of their La Cubiste socks in my future.

    @chuckp

    you may be keen on the work of Jeremy Dunn & The Athletic – http://www.theathleticcommunity.com/

  • @wiscot

    @Cary

    @wiscot

    the mullet is an underappreciated and unfairly maligned haircut.

    0

    It is? Where the hell do you live man?

    0

    In some parts of the world the mullet is a purely functional hair style. The flowing locks down the back help keep the sun off of the neck. The more trimmed look on the top and sides helps keep one cool (temp wise). This should actually be perfect for pro cyclist. However, function often follows fashion.

Share
Published by
frank

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

8 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

8 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

8 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

8 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

8 years ago