Categories: Anatomy of a PhotoAwesome Italian GuysKitLook ProThe Rules

Look Pro: Baller

Pantani shows how to do it.

Whenever something tries to be something it isn’t, you wind up getting into trouble. Those Cutlass Cruisers in the 70’s and 80’s with vinyl wood panelling weren’t fooling anyone. Neither are those linoleum tiles in my kitchen; not one person in history has ever mistaken them for being marble. And Lycra has never tricked anyone into believing it was a pair of jean shorts. Despite the extra effort to add a fly and pockets to them.

Which brings up an important point. Looking Pro is not the same as Looking Fantastic. They mostly just stumble into looking cool because they’re on their bikes so much that everything becomes natural for them. But Pros frequently look completely crap, often because their sponsors are paying them to wear something no one in their right mind would ever wear. Like denim-printed bib shorts. But sometimes, when you’re baller enough, you can pull off the most horrendous of kit and still Look Fantastic.

Pantani is the only rider on the long list of those who rode for Carrera who ever pulled off this look. Shit, he even pulled off the all-denim-print long sleeve jersey. He might even have special-ordered it, just to prove he could do it.

Don’t try this at home, kids. You are not this cool, and you can not pull off that look. Pencils down, class dismissed.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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frank says:

Jun 4 2015 at 9:30 am

@rfreese888

How about real denim, spandex and a syrup? In fairness he’s from Vegas.

I've been blinded.
frank says:

Jun 4 2015 at 9:32 am

@wiscot

@frank

@Oli

Fuck yeah faux jeans

Cappuchino gets away with this on two counts: 1) he’s Italian and 2) the polka dots are so loud and dominant that they distract the eye away from the “denim” shorts.

Really, it should be the French who started this look as the word denim is sourced from a cloth known as serge de Nimes.

Castorama was naff, but I still maintain a quiet liking for AG2R’s kit.
frank says:

Jun 4 2015 at 9:34 am

Jesus, came across this little gem searching from Figgles rockin' the Castorama kit...helmets have really made a bit of progress in the style department, haven't they?
frank says:

Jun 4 2015 at 9:41 am

@Nate

This thread needs some Castorama. Not even Cipo could make that look good.

I beg to differ.
AJ says:

Jun 4 2015 at 10:30 am

@frank

@Nate

This thread needs some Castorama. Not even Cipo could make that look good.

I beg to differ.

WTF is that?! Was there some sort of race across the Serengeti where they riders had to worry about lion attacks?

I must admit, it might look cool to see the whole team wearing that and moving.
Nate says:

Jun 4 2015 at 10:31 am

@frank

Jesus, came across this little gem searching from Figgles rockin’ the Castorama kit…helmets have really made a bit of progress in the style department, haven’t they?

At least le Professeur is rocking the 3-point system. Otherwise that kit looks like something a fat French appliance repairman would wear.

@frank

@Nate

This thread needs some Castorama. Not even Cipo could make that look good.

I beg to differ.

That is crazy and Cipo pulls it off, but it does not prove that he could have made the Castorama kit look good.

Where is one of our Photoshop mavens? Get on putting Cipo in Castorama, please.
Nate says:

Jun 4 2015 at 10:32 am

@AJ

@frank

@Nate

This thread needs some Castorama. Not even Cipo could make that look good.

I beg to differ.

WTF is that?! Was there some sort of race across the Serengeti where they riders had to worry about lion attacks?

I must admit, it might look cool to see the whole team wearing that and moving.

An ironic bit of kit for the Lion King, no?
Nate says:

Jun 4 2015 at 10:34 am

@frank

@wiscot

@frank

@Oli

Fuck yeah faux jeans

Cappuchino gets away with this on two counts: 1) he’s Italian and 2) the polka dots are so loud and dominant that they distract the eye away from the “denim” shorts.

Really, it should be the French who started this look as the word denim is sourced from a cloth known as serge de Nimes.

Castorama was naff, but I still maintain a quiet liking for AG2R’s kit.

Check out the attention to detail there -- little epaulettes over the suspender straps.

To say nothing of the mullet.
chuckp says:

Jun 4 2015 at 10:39 am

@frank

@Nate

This thread needs some Castorama. Not even Cipo could make that look good.

I beg to differ.

LOVE! Takes more balls to wear this than denim. For those who dare, you can buy here:

Jersey http://procyclegear.com/acqua-sapone-zebra-retro-jersey/

Bib shorts (XS only) http://procyclegear.com/acqua-sapone-zebra-retro-bib-shorts/
frank says:

Jun 4 2015 at 10:42 am

@AJ

@frank

@Nate

This thread needs some Castorama. Not even Cipo could make that look good.

I beg to differ.

WTF is that?! Was there some sort of race across the Serengeti where they riders had to worry about lion attacks?

I must admit, it might look cool to see the whole team wearing that and moving.

The idea was the lead out train was the pack of zebras that the Lion King was chasing.