Whenever something tries to be something it isn’t, you wind up getting into trouble. Those Cutlass Cruisers in the 70’s and 80’s with vinyl wood panelling weren’t fooling anyone. Neither are those linoleum tiles in my kitchen; not one person in history has ever mistaken them for being marble. And Lycra has never tricked anyone into believing it was a pair of jean shorts. Despite the extra effort to add a fly and pockets to them.

Which brings up an important point. Looking Pro is not the same as Looking Fantastic. They mostly just stumble into looking cool because they’re on their bikes so much that everything becomes natural for them. But Pros frequently look completely crap, often because their sponsors are paying them to wear something no one in their right mind would ever wear. Like denim-printed bib shorts. But sometimes, when you’re baller enough, you can pull off the most horrendous of kit and still Look Fantastic.

Pantani is the only rider on the long list of those who rode for Carrera who ever pulled off this look. Shit, he even pulled off the all-denim-print long sleeve jersey. He might even have special-ordered it, just to prove he could do it.

Don’t try this at home, kids. You are not this cool, and you can not pull off that look. Pencils down, class dismissed.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @Nate

    Frankly, it's the mullet that disturbs me the most. Why would you sign someone who makes such irresponsible decisions regarding his personal appearance? Oh, yeah, because they got to wear the Castorama kit.

    That being said, the fact that we still discuss the Castorama kit means the designer did their job. Most of use could give the cops a pretty good description of it from memory - more than could be said for most kits past and present.

    Let's have a good kit/bad kit discussion again. They always liven things up. First rule of Good Kit Club - Atala from the 80s is top 5 cool together with La Vie Clair, Del Tongo, Skil-Sem and Peugeot.

  • @Teocalli

    Here’s a bit of a review…………..

    Thanks for posting! Rock Racing? Are you kidding me? Whoa! Where to start - they cite TI Raleigh and show Fignon in Systeme U kit. They talk Bianchi and show Ullrich - not Gimondi.  No Peugeot checkered bands? The Kit of Merckx, Thevenet, Millar, Esclassan et al? Saeco FFS? What about Flandria - the original Red Guard? DeMayer, Maertens, Kelly. Put together by a hipster intern who knows SFA I think.

  • @Teocalli

    @wiscot

    Don’t shoot me I’m only the messenger!   I didn’t say I agreed with the list (which I don’t either).

    Oh Merckx no, I'm not blaming you. I called for fire and you, very amiably, poured gasoline on it! Let's add Anquetil's Ford France jersey to the killer list. The Cilo-Aufina one from the 80s was ace too.

  • OK so Pantani making denim the look look good..............amongst a shed load of other kit.........

  • Let's just all be thankful that Member's Only, and whoever the hell it was who made parachute pants didn't sponsor a team.

  • This has proven to be some of the best kit that I've tried in awhile -- le coq sportive.

    hot enough to go full mesh

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