Categories: Anatomy of a PhotoAwesome Italian GuysKitLook ProThe Rules

Look Pro: Baller

Pantani shows how to do it.

Whenever something tries to be something it isn’t, you wind up getting into trouble. Those Cutlass Cruisers in the 70’s and 80’s with vinyl wood panelling weren’t fooling anyone. Neither are those linoleum tiles in my kitchen; not one person in history has ever mistaken them for being marble. And Lycra has never tricked anyone into believing it was a pair of jean shorts. Despite the extra effort to add a fly and pockets to them.

Which brings up an important point. Looking Pro is not the same as Looking Fantastic. They mostly just stumble into looking cool because they’re on their bikes so much that everything becomes natural for them. But Pros frequently look completely crap, often because their sponsors are paying them to wear something no one in their right mind would ever wear. Like denim-printed bib shorts. But sometimes, when you’re baller enough, you can pull off the most horrendous of kit and still Look Fantastic.

Pantani is the only rider on the long list of those who rode for Carrera who ever pulled off this look. Shit, he even pulled off the all-denim-print long sleeve jersey. He might even have special-ordered it, just to prove he could do it.

Don’t try this at home, kids. You are not this cool, and you can not pull off that look. Pencils down, class dismissed.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

unversio says:

Jun 4 2015 at 1:16 pm

sportif sportif sportif
fignons barber says:

Jun 4 2015 at 1:36 pm

@frank

Jesus, came across this little gem searching from Figgles rockin’ the Castorama kit…helmets have really made a bit of progress in the style department, haven’t they?

That's the old Vetta helmet. I had one around '91 or '92. I remember purchasing it because : 1) it was the same one Rolf Sorenson wore with Ariostea, and 2) it was $40 at Bike Nashbar. I found it in the garage a couple months ago, looks surprisingly similar to an aero-road lid of today.
gilly says:

Jun 4 2015 at 2:16 pm

@DaftPunk

I think Claudio Chiapucci rocked it just as well, a decade before Il Pirata.

Totally agree, Chiapucci rocked it in Carrera denim
gilly says:

Jun 4 2015 at 2:27 pm

@frank

Jesus, came across this little gem searching from Figgles rockin’ the Castorama kit…helmets have really made a bit of progress in the style department, haven’t they?

I'm not so sure Frank. That monstrosity Kristoff wears looks alarmingly similar.
gilly says:

Jun 4 2015 at 2:38 pm

@wiscot

@Nate

Frankly, it’s the mullet that

J

disturbs me the most. Why would you sign someone who makes such irresponsible decisions regarding his personal appearance? Oh, yeah, because they got to wear the Castorama kit.

That being said, the fact that we still discuss the Castorama kit means the designer did their job. Most of use could give the cops a pretty good description of it from memory – more than could be said for most kits past and present.

Let’s have a good kit/bad kit discussion again. They always liven things up. First rule of Good Kit Club – Atala from the 80s is top 5 cool together with La Vie Clair, Del Tongo, Skil-Sem and Peugeot.
gilly says:

Jun 4 2015 at 2:40 pm

@nate. Now THAT is a mullet!!
Nate says:

Jun 4 2015 at 2:58 pm

@gilly

@nate. Now THAT is a mullet!!

GERT!!!!!
osbk67 says:

Jun 4 2015 at 3:31 pm

@Teocalli

@osbk67

Lace-ups were good enough for The Prophet (not that he had much choice) so as long as the bike is of a suitable era and riding clips I see no sin. In fact I have a pair (though not so shiny) for riding The Butler. As they say, Cuff and Tails should match so I trust @stephen also has leather gloves with string backs.

Far be it from me to accuse another cyclist of sin. More a comment on the overall look really. To me red socks don't go with nothing... Merckx may have worn black lace-ups, but with red socks? Not unless they were soaked with the blood of crushed fools perhaps...

Anyway, a nostalgic vote here for the first cycling jersey I owned which did not have chest pockets (as wrong then as now) - Ceramiche Ariostea in wool, before printing technology allowed the addition of a red and yellow inverted fish scale pattern. From the sublime to the ridiculous, yet again...
Mikael Liddy says:

Jun 4 2015 at 4:51 pm

@Teocalli

@osbk67

Lace-ups were good enough for The Prophet (not that he had much choice) so as long as the bike is of a suitable era and riding clips I see no sin. In fact I have a pair (though not so shiny) for riding The Butler. As they say, Cuff and Tails should match so I trust @stephen also has leather gloves with string backs.

now I'm going to pull you lot up on this, there's no need for laced shoes to be reserved for vintage days...
Barracuda says:

Jun 4 2015 at 5:49 pm

@Mikael Liddy

@Teocalli

@osbk67

Lace-ups were good enough for The Prophet (not that he had much choice) so as long as the bike is of a suitable era and riding clips I see no sin. In fact I have a pair (though not so shiny) for riding The Butler. As they say, Cuff and Tails should match so I trust @stephen also has leather gloves with string backs.

now I’m going to pull you lot up on this, there’s no need for laced shoes to be reserved for vintage days…

Strong Empire game ! However why has the shower got carpet in it ?