The Rules – They were never expected to become this well known. Nor was the list ever going to get this long or be taken this seriously. The Rules were first suggested as a few basic guidelines just to keep some basic civility and decorum on the road. But we took it too far (as we do everything) and now The Rules somehow define the Velominati, the inverse of intention. I use the communal ‘we’ as all Velominati share some responsibility in this.
In the spirit of a new year and spring cleaning, we have ourselves a Rules overhaul, with some New Rules to get excited about. Rule #38, #47, #79 and #81, we forget what those were, but we are moving on. For the official stone tablet version, refer to The Rules page.
- Rule #38 – Don’t leapfrog. Don’t ride back into a group that just passed you and ruin their pace, the pace that you couldn’t keep or you wouldn’t have been passed in the first place, and especially if you’ve been passed by women. Deal with it. You’ve been chicked, get used to it. There are a lot of badass women cyclists and they are going to pass your ass. @Jen gave us this Rule, suggested from personal experience and “getting chicked” is in the lexicon.
- Rule #47 – Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples. Brett was rightly offended by someone on our facebook page suggesting “kicking back with a Corona”. Everyone should be offended by this, even people who come from the land of that other great amber embarrassment, Fosters. I’m told they export it only, there should be a Rule about that. Thirty years ago we were all excited in the USA about the massive oil cans of this exotic Fosters, except you couldn’t chill it cold enough to not taste it and there was even more of it to be gagged down. Enough! Quality beer is a recovery drink. It makes you a better cyclist. OK, that’s a stretch, a happier cyclist then.
- Rule #79 – Fight for your town lines. From our good mate @Rob; “I was out yesterday to start the serious training for the 200 on 100. Met up with a group that were strong but have no race experience. We passed through at least five town lines and one double-point town/county line (nearby is my all time favorite triple – state/county/town). There should be a Rule that says something like “Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not into it”. Every time we went through without sprinting, it was like, what a waste – this is boring! And I’m not even saying I would have won any.” When @Rob speaks, I listen, especially when sprinting is the subject. And yes, he would have won most of those sprints. I miss those rides: mindlessly rolling along when from behind, someone opens up a huge handlebar throwing sprint for a town line that everyone else is too dumb to realize is right up the road. Trash talking ensues, it’s all a way to pass the k’s, amuse each other and hone your sprint. Or nervously clicking ergo shifters so people close by hear and think you are preparing for the big shift and sprint as the town line approaches, forcing someone to do something as the ergo-clicker does nothing but rides along with a dumb grin on his face.
- Rule #81 – Don’t talk it up. Cruel but fair, tempting as it is to talk about one’s most recent road rash to one’s cycling buddies but really, if you are still riding, how bad could it have been? And it was probably your own fault so better to keep quiet. @MarkyMark gave us this gem then he disappeared. MarkyMark come back, you’re famous now.
- Rule #88 – Don’t surge. A rule concerning the mechanics of group riding: when in a paceline, ride the tempo, before you tire, pull off, slow enough to drift to the back as the line ride through. It’s not rocket science, impress people by keeping the pace, not upping the speed when you get to the front. Thanks to John Perry, Sydney Cycling Club for Rule #88.
So there you have it, a slew of new Rules for you to meditate on, discuss amongst yourselves, and of course, Obey.
View Comments
@Buck Rogers
i must confess i have only ever done a crit or two but thats just because they're accessible
it's the first RR/crit thing of the year this saturday at Croft, is 4 laps of a motor circuit = 45mins so not sure what you wanna call it. Pulling on the jersey for an actual team as well and man i'm a ball of nerves and excitement just looking for a solid start to the season. I just prefer the idea of being out for hours getting know those in the race and reacting to a break or not depending on the scenario as opposed to the crit i just have to hang on cos they're not coming back type thing
@Dr C
Qué?
I am innocent! the picture above the article keeps changing, I saw some serious Anti-Beer - the Tripel Karmeliet in a wine glass or something...
Rule 88 needs to be posted along the roads 'round here. On the past few groups rides I've done there has been constant surging as well as someone riding three abreast for far too long, as if they haven't noticed it's a double paceline. It's been pissing me off a lot, especially because most of these jerks should/do know better.
I think I bent the Rules a bit. After weeks of trying to sort out a recabling job I conceded defeat and took my bike to the shop today. Crazy internal routing, housing seized to the TT for my rear brake cable & despite searching high & low, could never find the proper sized cable liner to make the recabling job easy. Oh, what I wouldn't give for some 1.75mm liner...
I decided I was spending more time looking at German industrial supply sites than I was riding, so I had to give up & move on, something I'm not very good at.
Rule #88 should be titled "Either pull, pull-through or pull-off (and no surging!)". Nothing frustrates me more than noobies who don't have a clue about the rules of riding a pace line. Of course all town lines must be contested after which we resume the pace line. Peace!
@Ron
Three abreast on a double paceline should be a shootable offence - I f..ing hate that - just smacks of arrogance, which is a big word for fuckingrude
@Sam
Awesome for you to be out racing again this weekend.
I have raced the last two weekends, the first one a road race of just under 60 k and the race last weekend was a "circuit" race which only lasted 30 minutes, but at least it was a 4 k circuit with a decent climb on every lap.
I know what you mean about nerves and excitement, there is nothing like lining up for a race to get your heart rate up in my opinion.
I do not know how much RR'ing you have done but it just gets better and better and you weed out the deadwood so much more in the 3 to 4 hour races. Guys that can hang and kill it on a 30 minute crit are out the back after about 90 minutes or so.
Should be a new rule that only races lasting longer than two hours really "count" toward Hard Man points!
But I am most probably biased as I suck at the 1 k, 6 corner, 30 minute crit races!
But, crits are better than group rides b/c at least you are officially racing and "in the arena". It seems hard to find RR these days as they are so much harder to put on than a crit, but if you can find one, I totally encourage you to give it a go. Totally different feel to them from crits.
@Dan_R
NICE poster. Need that one for my office!
@mcsqueak
I like Modelo myself. It's available here in Southern California, but I'm not sure about the rest of the country.
Beer arguments are pointless. I'm not ashamed of any of the brews I drink. I'll drink a Corona with a meal sometimes, and it doesn't keep me from kicking ass on the road. So, The Rules are giving me dietary advice now, too?
For the sake of conversation, though, my go-to beer is Samuel Adams Boston Lager, which I will put up against any beer in the world, Belgian, Dutch, Czech, whatever.
@Calmante
Sam Adams? Bwahahahahah!!!! You're killing me dude.