The Rules – They were never expected to become this well known. Nor was the list ever going to get this long or be taken this seriously. The Rules were first suggested as a few basic guidelines just to keep some basic civility and decorum on the road. But we took it too far (as we do everything) and now The Rules somehow define the Velominati, the inverse of intention. I use the communal ‘we’ as all Velominati share some responsibility in this.
In the spirit of a new year and spring cleaning, we have ourselves a Rules overhaul, with some New Rules to get excited about. Rule #38, #47, #79 and #81, we forget what those were, but we are moving on. For the official stone tablet version, refer to The Rules page.
- Rule #38 – Don’t leapfrog. Don’t ride back into a group that just passed you and ruin their pace, the pace that you couldn’t keep or you wouldn’t have been passed in the first place, and especially if you’ve been passed by women. Deal with it. You’ve been chicked, get used to it. There are a lot of badass women cyclists and they are going to pass your ass. @Jen gave us this Rule, suggested from personal experience and “getting chicked” is in the lexicon.
- Rule #47 – Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples. Brett was rightly offended by someone on our facebook page suggesting “kicking back with a Corona”. Everyone should be offended by this, even people who come from the land of that other great amber embarrassment, Fosters. I’m told they export it only, there should be a Rule about that. Thirty years ago we were all excited in the USA about the massive oil cans of this exotic Fosters, except you couldn’t chill it cold enough to not taste it and there was even more of it to be gagged down. Enough! Quality beer is a recovery drink. It makes you a better cyclist. OK, that’s a stretch, a happier cyclist then.
- Rule #79 – Fight for your town lines. From our good mate @Rob; “I was out yesterday to start the serious training for the 200 on 100. Met up with a group that were strong but have no race experience. We passed through at least five town lines and one double-point town/county line (nearby is my all time favorite triple – state/county/town). There should be a Rule that says something like “Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not into it”. Every time we went through without sprinting, it was like, what a waste – this is boring! And I’m not even saying I would have won any.” When @Rob speaks, I listen, especially when sprinting is the subject. And yes, he would have won most of those sprints. I miss those rides: mindlessly rolling along when from behind, someone opens up a huge handlebar throwing sprint for a town line that everyone else is too dumb to realize is right up the road. Trash talking ensues, it’s all a way to pass the k’s, amuse each other and hone your sprint. Or nervously clicking ergo shifters so people close by hear and think you are preparing for the big shift and sprint as the town line approaches, forcing someone to do something as the ergo-clicker does nothing but rides along with a dumb grin on his face.
- Rule #81 – Don’t talk it up. Cruel but fair, tempting as it is to talk about one’s most recent road rash to one’s cycling buddies but really, if you are still riding, how bad could it have been? And it was probably your own fault so better to keep quiet. @MarkyMark gave us this gem then he disappeared. MarkyMark come back, you’re famous now.
- Rule #88 – Don’t surge. A rule concerning the mechanics of group riding: when in a paceline, ride the tempo, before you tire, pull off, slow enough to drift to the back as the line ride through. It’s not rocket science, impress people by keeping the pace, not upping the speed when you get to the front. Thanks to John Perry, Sydney Cycling Club for Rule #88.
So there you have it, a slew of new Rules for you to meditate on, discuss amongst yourselves, and of course, Obey.
View Comments
Let's move on with it!
Boonen is back to winning pretty good sprints & wearing a leader's jersey.
Cavendish is winning & almost making it look easy & his kit is Fucking Fantastic! Black bike, black shorts, white jersey, black helmet, white shades. Awesomeness.
I'll have a fun & happy 2012 race campaign if Boonen & Cavendish are making it happen. I'm pumped.
@Ron
Fucken A. Boom Boom Boonen, a new and increasing bunch of Kiwi and Aussies on Pro tour teams, and Cav showing speed early. There's a few knives being sharpened at Qatar, and I can't wait till Griepel gets into the mix as well. That guys a fucking A grade monster.
@frank
Whilst your knowledge of cycling and how to look "simply fabulous, dahling" is unquestionable, describing Stella as a light and refreshing beer is worrying.
As for your objection to beers with added flavours, you come from a corner of Europe where they put strawberries in beer! WTF is that all about? Is that where this started out, did Fronk Snr start you on Raspberry beer as a kid?
@Dr C
@Dr C
I'm not sure you're taking the role of Designated Responsible Adult or Kebab Prevention Officer seriously! Nevermind, I sure we won't find ourselves in the sort of frame of mind that would encourage swimming across swimming pools full of snow or polluting ourselves with dead cat and chilli sauce, we are athletes and Velominati afterall
@Chris and Dr C...
I have some expertise in the field of hunt the elephants leg. Much as it pains me, the standard of offering in europe has been consistently higher than Londinium over the last few years. Now if we could only mix euro 'bab with british beer, we'd be on to something. On the subject of Guinness, this is pinned up on the wall at my local (which serves a mighty good pint)
"I will read with interest Mr Lomax's letter (Viz. this issue) re: lager commercials. I personally am a fan of the clever Guinness adverts, with their challenging visual imagery, their air of illusion, and the maturity and mystique which actor Rutger Hauer provides. If I have one criticism it is that they fail to mention that Guinness turns your shit to treacle.
P. McMurphy, Derby"
@Frank - dismissing Mexican beer underestimates the considerable potential of one of their national drinks, the Michelada...beer, tomato juice, hot sauce and maybe even mezcal, all mixed up into salty, spicy, ice cold goodness. Close to a perfect recovery beverage, for both the post aerobic and alcoholic exertions.
From my recent visits, US brewing has come a long way. Now all they need to do is wind down the fizz and alcohol so it can be consumed in the +5 pint measures more befitting the requirements of a thirsty athlete....
@Buck Rogers
When I was a young punk I rode 6 days a week, with an extra interval day and another 2 hour day thrown in (currently 40 years old and even if I had the time I would no longer do that training, I do NOT recover like I used to).
My next race is in 4 weeks. It's a 125 k race with 32 k of gravel and dirt roads. It will be AWESOME!!! Praying for rain!
Young punk! (I'm of the same vintage as you!)= Halcyon days! We'd reminisce with riders I bump into from the 80's/90's. The carefree days days of tearing up the k's, minimum 2 hours after school. Later on when working/apprentice two to three nights a week of 3 to 4 hours in the winter! (Australia)
In the summer didn't have to train at all!
Thursday night - at the club velodrome
Friday night - drive out 150km for the country velodrome twilight racing
Saturday - at the club velodrome, night at other hosting club tracks
Sunday morning - 1 hour crit, followed by post race group ride ~60km
Monday - rest day
Tuesday night - summer crit racing in football stadium car park
Wednesday - 2 hour cruisin ride.
Getting buggered just recalling the amount of riding down back then!
Rootin for ya in your next 125k race!
@Joe
Strong work, it would seem that you have put a lot of effort into learning your trade. perhaps we should start a website / blog thing extolling the virtues of being Delightfully Squiffy and nominate ourselves as "Keepers of the Kitty".
I must try this Michelada, although if Guinness turns your shit to treacle, god only know what that would do.
The reason I was calling on the good doctor's services as Kebab Prevention Officer is that ever since my student days I've had terrible nightmares every time I have a kebab reliving the night when my mate Phil asked the kebab shop owner in his best Turkish accent "how much for your daughter". It turned out that the rather fit young lady serving customers was in fact his daughter and we were promptly chased out of his establishment.
@Buck Rogers
Ditto! Tommeke is looking good and happy and back on a Spesh. He's not got the speed to beat Cav head-to-head these days but he'll take Cav in the northern classics.
@sthilzy
Definitely need to get together for a drink and talk about those "good ol'days!"
Yeah, after school nothing to do but ride and the weekends were for racing. I used to average about 350 k a week during the season (which, granted, was short as it was Northern New England and could only ride from early April through October).
Hell, now I am happy if I get 165 k a week!
Oh well, still love turning the pedals. Sometimes I forget that I am 40 and think that I am 17 when out on a ride, nothing else in my life makes me feel like that.
@wiscot
TOMEKE, TOMEKE, TOMEKE!!!
(Just praying that he did not have any recent visits to see Luc Van den Broeck ... uuhhgg, yes I actually did just say that.)