The Rules – They were never expected to become this well known. Nor was the list ever going to get this long or be taken this seriously. The Rules were first suggested as a few basic guidelines just to keep some basic civility and decorum on the road. But we took it too far (as we do everything) and now The Rules somehow define the Velominati, the inverse of intention. I use the communal ‘we’ as all Velominati share some responsibility in this.
In the spirit of a new year and spring cleaning, we have ourselves a Rules overhaul, with some New Rules to get excited about. Rule #38, #47, #79 and #81, we forget what those were, but we are moving on. For the official stone tablet version, refer to The Rules page.
- Rule #38 – Don’t leapfrog. Don’t ride back into a group that just passed you and ruin their pace, the pace that you couldn’t keep or you wouldn’t have been passed in the first place, and especially if you’ve been passed by women. Deal with it. You’ve been chicked, get used to it. There are a lot of badass women cyclists and they are going to pass your ass. @Jen gave us this Rule, suggested from personal experience and “getting chicked” is in the lexicon.
- Rule #47 – Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples. Brett was rightly offended by someone on our facebook page suggesting “kicking back with a Corona”. Everyone should be offended by this, even people who come from the land of that other great amber embarrassment, Fosters. I’m told they export it only, there should be a Rule about that. Thirty years ago we were all excited in the USA about the massive oil cans of this exotic Fosters, except you couldn’t chill it cold enough to not taste it and there was even more of it to be gagged down. Enough! Quality beer is a recovery drink. It makes you a better cyclist. OK, that’s a stretch, a happier cyclist then.
- Rule #79 – Fight for your town lines. From our good mate @Rob; “I was out yesterday to start the serious training for the 200 on 100. Met up with a group that were strong but have no race experience. We passed through at least five town lines and one double-point town/county line (nearby is my all time favorite triple – state/county/town). There should be a Rule that says something like “Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not into it”. Every time we went through without sprinting, it was like, what a waste – this is boring! And I’m not even saying I would have won any.” When @Rob speaks, I listen, especially when sprinting is the subject. And yes, he would have won most of those sprints. I miss those rides: mindlessly rolling along when from behind, someone opens up a huge handlebar throwing sprint for a town line that everyone else is too dumb to realize is right up the road. Trash talking ensues, it’s all a way to pass the k’s, amuse each other and hone your sprint. Or nervously clicking ergo shifters so people close by hear and think you are preparing for the big shift and sprint as the town line approaches, forcing someone to do something as the ergo-clicker does nothing but rides along with a dumb grin on his face.
- Rule #81 – Don’t talk it up. Cruel but fair, tempting as it is to talk about one’s most recent road rash to one’s cycling buddies but really, if you are still riding, how bad could it have been? And it was probably your own fault so better to keep quiet. @MarkyMark gave us this gem then he disappeared. MarkyMark come back, you’re famous now.
- Rule #88 – Don’t surge. A rule concerning the mechanics of group riding: when in a paceline, ride the tempo, before you tire, pull off, slow enough to drift to the back as the line ride through. It’s not rocket science, impress people by keeping the pace, not upping the speed when you get to the front. Thanks to John Perry, Sydney Cycling Club for Rule #88.
So there you have it, a slew of new Rules for you to meditate on, discuss amongst yourselves, and of course, Obey.
View Comments
@frank
That's funny that you say that, because that's usually the only place I drink Sam Adams.
@Ron
Second that Cav is looking awesomely rule-compliant.
@Chris
I have repeatedly disavowed Dutch Beer. Also shit. All of it. Belgium is OK, but these days, I'd happily declare that the ales being micro-brewed in the States is leading the charge.
I'm not declaring Stella a good beer; I'm merely stating that if you have a character flaw that dictates you drink a light refreshing beer, that is a better choice than that other shit.
@JC Belgium
My brother and I would drive down from Delft and pick it up at the market across the street. I had a special suitcase that I could carry-on on the plane and I used it solely for transporting Wesvleteren back stateside.
Of course, that would never work anymore, so that train has sailed. Methinks perhaps I need to make a pitstop up there when we're there in April...
@wiscot
And Cav, as much as it pains me, is looking fucking magnificent in his kit, and he's looking nice and trim as well. Methinks this will be a good season!
@frank
Jesus fuck Frank, that explains a lot. You need to extend your trip to include a tour of England to get some proper real ale down your neck.
@Chris - absolutely spot on mate. Frank, sort it out. 8-10 pints of wonder, a roofblaster of a ruby then we can smash it around some badly rutted, 20%'ers the next day...
Our local café pretty much hates cyclists because of the number of individuals taking the opportunity to 'slim down to racing weight' the morning after, prior to setting off for a ride.
@Chris, @Joe
Thats settled then: bring along some of your favorites, I'll bring along some of mine to Keeper' Tour. We'll settle this.
@frank
Now we're talking.....
@frank, @Joe
Real ale doesn't come to you, @frank, you have to go to real ale.
We're not talking about picking up a few tinnies or a six pack, but a cask which needs to be given time after transportation to settle before venting and further settling before it is ready to drink. It will not be served with the assistance of any form of gas to get it from the cask to the glass.
You can get real in a bottle but that's just wrong and it never quite tastes the same.
Given that we're being hosted by a brewery and stuff is limitless it would be churlish not to drink the local beer.
@Dr C
Yep, Irish but living in NZ, I couldn't imagine a better pair of topics, Guinness and cycling while consuming copious of said liquid in a pub in Ireland.
Guinness is shite here but thankfully there's a strong micro brewery industry building, still though cooking lager is popular. I was actually a Murphy's man in Ireland!!!