The Rules – They were never expected to become this well known. Nor was the list ever going to get this long or be taken this seriously. The Rules were first suggested as a few basic guidelines just to keep some basic civility and decorum on the road. But we took it too far (as we do everything) and now The Rules somehow define the Velominati, the inverse of intention. I use the communal ‘we’ as all Velominati share some responsibility in this.
In the spirit of a new year and spring cleaning, we have ourselves a Rules overhaul, with some New Rules to get excited about. Rule #38, #47, #79 and #81, we forget what those were, but we are moving on. For the official stone tablet version, refer to The Rules page.
- Rule #38 – Don’t leapfrog. Don’t ride back into a group that just passed you and ruin their pace, the pace that you couldn’t keep or you wouldn’t have been passed in the first place, and especially if you’ve been passed by women. Deal with it. You’ve been chicked, get used to it. There are a lot of badass women cyclists and they are going to pass your ass. @Jen gave us this Rule, suggested from personal experience and “getting chicked” is in the lexicon.
- Rule #47 – Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples. Brett was rightly offended by someone on our facebook page suggesting “kicking back with a Corona”. Everyone should be offended by this, even people who come from the land of that other great amber embarrassment, Fosters. I’m told they export it only, there should be a Rule about that. Thirty years ago we were all excited in the USA about the massive oil cans of this exotic Fosters, except you couldn’t chill it cold enough to not taste it and there was even more of it to be gagged down. Enough! Quality beer is a recovery drink. It makes you a better cyclist. OK, that’s a stretch, a happier cyclist then.
- Rule #79 – Fight for your town lines. From our good mate @Rob; “I was out yesterday to start the serious training for the 200 on 100. Met up with a group that were strong but have no race experience. We passed through at least five town lines and one double-point town/county line (nearby is my all time favorite triple – state/county/town). There should be a Rule that says something like “Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not into it”. Every time we went through without sprinting, it was like, what a waste – this is boring! And I’m not even saying I would have won any.” When @Rob speaks, I listen, especially when sprinting is the subject. And yes, he would have won most of those sprints. I miss those rides: mindlessly rolling along when from behind, someone opens up a huge handlebar throwing sprint for a town line that everyone else is too dumb to realize is right up the road. Trash talking ensues, it’s all a way to pass the k’s, amuse each other and hone your sprint. Or nervously clicking ergo shifters so people close by hear and think you are preparing for the big shift and sprint as the town line approaches, forcing someone to do something as the ergo-clicker does nothing but rides along with a dumb grin on his face.
- Rule #81 – Don’t talk it up. Cruel but fair, tempting as it is to talk about one’s most recent road rash to one’s cycling buddies but really, if you are still riding, how bad could it have been? And it was probably your own fault so better to keep quiet. @MarkyMark gave us this gem then he disappeared. MarkyMark come back, you’re famous now.
- Rule #88 – Don’t surge. A rule concerning the mechanics of group riding: when in a paceline, ride the tempo, before you tire, pull off, slow enough to drift to the back as the line ride through. It’s not rocket science, impress people by keeping the pace, not upping the speed when you get to the front. Thanks to John Perry, Sydney Cycling Club for Rule #88.
So there you have it, a slew of new Rules for you to meditate on, discuss amongst yourselves, and of course, Obey.
View Comments
@Bean
This is not a new prohibition - in fact its one of the older Rules. I don't think the Rule applies to MTB Racese but only recreational pot-smoking/mountain biking kind of stuff that 99.9% of MTBers do.
*dons flame-retardent suit*
Joking aside, I agree the Rule should be go under consideration for amendment to clarify the oversight. Brett, our resident serious MTBer will need to weigh in, though since my MTB is from 1991 and gets laughed at every time I post a picture of it.
@Tuvelo
Ha, like the Tour de Trump? Good one.
@frank
I think Tour de Trump is correctly pronounced Tour de Asshole
@wiscot
I think Tour de Trump is pronounced as written
@frank
I think I'll have to consign myself to Rule 89 noncompliance at the outset.
@frank
We need to get back to ten rules...
@Bean
Indeed, it's common sense and doesn't really need to be stated. If you're racing XC, lycra up. If you're trail riding, keep that shit under baggies. And never mix baggies with a race jersey, or bibs with a loose fit top.
Common sense, people of dirt.
@The Oracle
"Care shall be taken to pronounce the name as well as possible." - That doesn't mean you have to get it right. But show respect for the name and do your best. Its not the "Tour Day FRANSE" - it's the "Tour duh Frahnce". Things of that nature.
@Jarvis
I think you're missing the point of The Rules...
@frank
In addition I will say that there's always something special and different,to me at least, about watching for example Giro d'Italia on RAI 3,RAI SPORT or Ronde Van Vlaanderen on Sporza or NOS.Today for example I picked up this on France 3
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xonlyh_44eme-tour-du-haut-var-matin-etape-1-samedi-18-02-2012_tv?start=40
@frank
you know that I have long argued that some of The Rules miss the point...
@brett
Common sense? But what of Rule 37?