The Rules – They were never expected to become this well known. Nor was the list ever going to get this long or be taken this seriously. The Rules were first suggested as a few basic guidelines just to keep some basic civility and decorum on the road. But we took it too far (as we do everything) and now The Rules somehow define the Velominati, the inverse of intention. I use the communal ‘we’ as all Velominati share some responsibility in this.
In the spirit of a new year and spring cleaning, we have ourselves a Rules overhaul, with some New Rules to get excited about. Rule #38, #47, #79 and #81, we forget what those were, but we are moving on. For the official stone tablet version, refer to The Rules page.
- Rule #38 – Don’t leapfrog. Don’t ride back into a group that just passed you and ruin their pace, the pace that you couldn’t keep or you wouldn’t have been passed in the first place, and especially if you’ve been passed by women. Deal with it. You’ve been chicked, get used to it. There are a lot of badass women cyclists and they are going to pass your ass. @Jen gave us this Rule, suggested from personal experience and “getting chicked” is in the lexicon.
- Rule #47 – Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples. Brett was rightly offended by someone on our facebook page suggesting “kicking back with a Corona”. Everyone should be offended by this, even people who come from the land of that other great amber embarrassment, Fosters. I’m told they export it only, there should be a Rule about that. Thirty years ago we were all excited in the USA about the massive oil cans of this exotic Fosters, except you couldn’t chill it cold enough to not taste it and there was even more of it to be gagged down. Enough! Quality beer is a recovery drink. It makes you a better cyclist. OK, that’s a stretch, a happier cyclist then.
- Rule #79 – Fight for your town lines. From our good mate @Rob; “I was out yesterday to start the serious training for the 200 on 100. Met up with a group that were strong but have no race experience. We passed through at least five town lines and one double-point town/county line (nearby is my all time favorite triple – state/county/town). There should be a Rule that says something like “Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not into it”. Every time we went through without sprinting, it was like, what a waste – this is boring! And I’m not even saying I would have won any.” When @Rob speaks, I listen, especially when sprinting is the subject. And yes, he would have won most of those sprints. I miss those rides: mindlessly rolling along when from behind, someone opens up a huge handlebar throwing sprint for a town line that everyone else is too dumb to realize is right up the road. Trash talking ensues, it’s all a way to pass the k’s, amuse each other and hone your sprint. Or nervously clicking ergo shifters so people close by hear and think you are preparing for the big shift and sprint as the town line approaches, forcing someone to do something as the ergo-clicker does nothing but rides along with a dumb grin on his face.
- Rule #81 – Don’t talk it up. Cruel but fair, tempting as it is to talk about one’s most recent road rash to one’s cycling buddies but really, if you are still riding, how bad could it have been? And it was probably your own fault so better to keep quiet. @MarkyMark gave us this gem then he disappeared. MarkyMark come back, you’re famous now.
- Rule #88 – Don’t surge. A rule concerning the mechanics of group riding: when in a paceline, ride the tempo, before you tire, pull off, slow enough to drift to the back as the line ride through. It’s not rocket science, impress people by keeping the pace, not upping the speed when you get to the front. Thanks to John Perry, Sydney Cycling Club for Rule #88.
So there you have it, a slew of new Rules for you to meditate on, discuss amongst yourselves, and of course, Obey.
View Comments
@Souleur
surely anything goes, provided it's done with taste. There are some disgusting creations that have come out of the Trek project one custom stuff, but that shouldn't rule out any given colour.
Given that the definition of a Pro as actually being paid to ride for a team and having matching kit and bike is a part of it, no matter the colour scheme
@Souleur
Not this:
Regarding rule numbers.I like the idea that there must be a finite set of rules, that cannot be created or destroyed, but merely rearranged and re-evaluated into different interpretations. For all rules contained in the system, the import of individual edicts shall always be measured relatively to the amount of V laid down by the individual. A Law of Conservation of V, perhaps?
@Dr C
Since those are the only town line sprints I ever win, I showboat across them.
@zalamanda
Some cultures believe that you pour beer with lots of head to keep the beer's flavor in. To me, that's kind of like getting dropped just to feel what its like to have to bridge up to a group.
@The Oracle
what can one say...
@scaler911
clearly not poured in Ireland outside of the big 4 cities, coz the bar staff get sacked if they do that thing on the top - head looks a bit frothy, maybe sitting too long (a sin in itself) - I might suggest this is more what you might wish for...
@Sam
So now we have a good starting point for another English Cogal....
@Dr C
Misread your post. I mistakenly thought you asked what the policy is on town line sprints when riding solo. THOSE are the only ones I win, so I celebrate extensively and look behind me in amazement, at being alone in the photo.
@scaler911
'Fraid not. The head should stop at the harp.
@Souleur
I think after you watch even the ugliest paint job cross the line first, it starts to become beautiful. So long as the finish is a good quality one, I think you're in the clear for any paint job.
@scaler911
+1. Except those old Kleins! Its made worse by the matched stem/bars. Too much!
@scaler911
@scaler: exactly
I mean, I hate to say it, being a purist, but recycle that bastard and beat the marketing guru who came up with that pile o shit
thanks
@frank: I am trying to absorb this, and have a little more give and take on the colors. I do the absolutes, but the relative colors are the hard one.
LIKE: Here is what the old schoolers use to teach
white is bat shit fast, its fast standing still, its fast moving, throw a little silver dust in the paint, and the crowd goes wild
Black is always in style....but now that everyone is 'stealthy' its so overdone its become epic...if you know what I mean
red and blue, you must be careful
and...pegoretti is the only one who can do what he does with paint schemes and be called 'GENIUS'