The Rules – They were never expected to become this well known. Nor was the list ever going to get this long or be taken this seriously. The Rules were first suggested as a few basic guidelines just to keep some basic civility and decorum on the road. But we took it too far (as we do everything) and now The Rules somehow define the Velominati, the inverse of intention. I use the communal ‘we’ as all Velominati share some responsibility in this.
In the spirit of a new year and spring cleaning, we have ourselves a Rules overhaul, with some New Rules to get excited about. Rule #38, #47, #79 and #81, we forget what those were, but we are moving on. For the official stone tablet version, refer to The Rules page.
- Rule #38 – Don’t leapfrog. Don’t ride back into a group that just passed you and ruin their pace, the pace that you couldn’t keep or you wouldn’t have been passed in the first place, and especially if you’ve been passed by women. Deal with it. You’ve been chicked, get used to it. There are a lot of badass women cyclists and they are going to pass your ass. @Jen gave us this Rule, suggested from personal experience and “getting chicked” is in the lexicon.
- Rule #47 – Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples. Brett was rightly offended by someone on our facebook page suggesting “kicking back with a Corona”. Everyone should be offended by this, even people who come from the land of that other great amber embarrassment, Fosters. I’m told they export it only, there should be a Rule about that. Thirty years ago we were all excited in the USA about the massive oil cans of this exotic Fosters, except you couldn’t chill it cold enough to not taste it and there was even more of it to be gagged down. Enough! Quality beer is a recovery drink. It makes you a better cyclist. OK, that’s a stretch, a happier cyclist then.
- Rule #79 – Fight for your town lines. From our good mate @Rob; “I was out yesterday to start the serious training for the 200 on 100. Met up with a group that were strong but have no race experience. We passed through at least five town lines and one double-point town/county line (nearby is my all time favorite triple – state/county/town). There should be a Rule that says something like “Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not into it”. Every time we went through without sprinting, it was like, what a waste – this is boring! And I’m not even saying I would have won any.” When @Rob speaks, I listen, especially when sprinting is the subject. And yes, he would have won most of those sprints. I miss those rides: mindlessly rolling along when from behind, someone opens up a huge handlebar throwing sprint for a town line that everyone else is too dumb to realize is right up the road. Trash talking ensues, it’s all a way to pass the k’s, amuse each other and hone your sprint. Or nervously clicking ergo shifters so people close by hear and think you are preparing for the big shift and sprint as the town line approaches, forcing someone to do something as the ergo-clicker does nothing but rides along with a dumb grin on his face.
- Rule #81 – Don’t talk it up. Cruel but fair, tempting as it is to talk about one’s most recent road rash to one’s cycling buddies but really, if you are still riding, how bad could it have been? And it was probably your own fault so better to keep quiet. @MarkyMark gave us this gem then he disappeared. MarkyMark come back, you’re famous now.
- Rule #88 – Don’t surge. A rule concerning the mechanics of group riding: when in a paceline, ride the tempo, before you tire, pull off, slow enough to drift to the back as the line ride through. It’s not rocket science, impress people by keeping the pace, not upping the speed when you get to the front. Thanks to John Perry, Sydney Cycling Club for Rule #88.
So there you have it, a slew of new Rules for you to meditate on, discuss amongst yourselves, and of course, Obey.
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btw: brilliant prose Gianni!!
It's got to be a good real ale all the way for me.
The ultimate in post ride re-hydration.
Regarding Rule 79--when training in a double pace line one doesn't want to disrupt the line or pace at a town limit, it is ok for one or two riders to do a "faux-throw" bike throw.
Regarding Rule 81--fresh road rash should not be thought of as a badge of honor. Rather, it should be somewhat embarassing. One can, however, refer to the loss of sleep in order to gain sympathy.
@Dr C
I think we do, the Dales are fantastic, from there we can take in Fleet Moss, Buttertubs, Tan Hill.....the pain could be endless. Also VERY exited about the possibility of 2016, Yorkshire as the host of the opening stages of the Grand Buckle. I just really hope that they don't woose out and make it a flat stage through the Vale of York and send them head first into the Heart of the Dales
Rule #88 - "It's not rocket science, impress people by keeping the pace, not upping the speed when you get to the front."
Great add... can't tell you how many times I see relatively strong riders who could help keep a good pace blow themselves up and get spit out the back in local group rides.
@Dr C
The accepted method in the long term is I believe, ride more. Rule V. I do know of another way to avoid this fate Dr but I dare not speak it in these pages. ( hint..it requiers more guile than V and probably several rule violations but when riding with a group stronger than yourself one does what one must to survive).
For me there is only one rule: V.
But then, what else to expect from a student breaking all others (possible exception Rule 9) and too poor to buy a proper bicycle.
@Marko
Those are different things though - pulling through and riding on the front at the same pace is a skill one must have. Pulling up and tightening the screws is different and awesome when necessary. Good point.
@paolo
Maher was just through Maui doing his act, seemingly high on the local flora. I think he would have mercy on me for shamelessly ripping him off. Also, his range of interest come no where near intersecting with this site. We are safe.
@itburns
Well played, oh me brother. That's as clear as an un-muddied lake. +1