The Rules – They were never expected to become this well known. Nor was the list ever going to get this long or be taken this seriously. The Rules were first suggested as a few basic guidelines just to keep some basic civility and decorum on the road. But we took it too far (as we do everything) and now The Rules somehow define the Velominati, the inverse of intention. I use the communal ‘we’ as all Velominati share some responsibility in this.
In the spirit of a new year and spring cleaning, we have ourselves a Rules overhaul, with some New Rules to get excited about. Rule #38, #47, #79 and #81, we forget what those were, but we are moving on. For the official stone tablet version, refer to The Rules page.
- Rule #38 – Don’t leapfrog. Don’t ride back into a group that just passed you and ruin their pace, the pace that you couldn’t keep or you wouldn’t have been passed in the first place, and especially if you’ve been passed by women. Deal with it. You’ve been chicked, get used to it. There are a lot of badass women cyclists and they are going to pass your ass. @Jen gave us this Rule, suggested from personal experience and “getting chicked” is in the lexicon.
- Rule #47 – Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples. Brett was rightly offended by someone on our facebook page suggesting “kicking back with a Corona”. Everyone should be offended by this, even people who come from the land of that other great amber embarrassment, Fosters. I’m told they export it only, there should be a Rule about that. Thirty years ago we were all excited in the USA about the massive oil cans of this exotic Fosters, except you couldn’t chill it cold enough to not taste it and there was even more of it to be gagged down. Enough! Quality beer is a recovery drink. It makes you a better cyclist. OK, that’s a stretch, a happier cyclist then.
- Rule #79 – Fight for your town lines. From our good mate @Rob; “I was out yesterday to start the serious training for the 200 on 100. Met up with a group that were strong but have no race experience. We passed through at least five town lines and one double-point town/county line (nearby is my all time favorite triple – state/county/town). There should be a Rule that says something like “Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not into it”. Every time we went through without sprinting, it was like, what a waste – this is boring! And I’m not even saying I would have won any.” When @Rob speaks, I listen, especially when sprinting is the subject. And yes, he would have won most of those sprints. I miss those rides: mindlessly rolling along when from behind, someone opens up a huge handlebar throwing sprint for a town line that everyone else is too dumb to realize is right up the road. Trash talking ensues, it’s all a way to pass the k’s, amuse each other and hone your sprint. Or nervously clicking ergo shifters so people close by hear and think you are preparing for the big shift and sprint as the town line approaches, forcing someone to do something as the ergo-clicker does nothing but rides along with a dumb grin on his face.
- Rule #81 – Don’t talk it up. Cruel but fair, tempting as it is to talk about one’s most recent road rash to one’s cycling buddies but really, if you are still riding, how bad could it have been? And it was probably your own fault so better to keep quiet. @MarkyMark gave us this gem then he disappeared. MarkyMark come back, you’re famous now.
- Rule #88 – Don’t surge. A rule concerning the mechanics of group riding: when in a paceline, ride the tempo, before you tire, pull off, slow enough to drift to the back as the line ride through. It’s not rocket science, impress people by keeping the pace, not upping the speed when you get to the front. Thanks to John Perry, Sydney Cycling Club for Rule #88.
So there you have it, a slew of new Rules for you to meditate on, discuss amongst yourselves, and of course, Obey.
View Comments
@Chris
Sorry, but Corona, Miller, and PBR are all in the same category. There is something fundamentally wrong with any beer requiring you to add a lime or tabasco sauce in order to give it some flavor.
Want a light, refreshing beer? Have a Stella, or if it must be mexican, even dos equis which is more palatable than Corona.
@RedRanger
The old one or the new one? The old one was boss, they died a little when they moved.
@frank
Or if it's getting late and desperate, Costco Ipa.........
@frank
I'm guessing the new one down west 7th. Near Mickeys diner.
Yup the good old West End. Some really good memories and some really bad ones.
Tecate is my go-to Mexican cheap beer. Love it during the summer.
Then again I've watched my share of foot-bol whilst drinking copious amounts of Miller Lite.
I figure if you don't drink the crap once in awhile, you can't truly enjoy the good stuff for what it is.
If anyone has input on the validity of the current picture, please take a number.
@Dan_R
For what its worth, @Scaler lives in the land of headwinds call the Hood Fucking River, one of the most famous places for wind surfing. Its famous for a fucking reason: 55kmph headwinds ain't no joke.
@scaler911
*ahem* I'll be killing myself then...
@mcsqueak
That's the kind of mystery I prefer to leave "unsolved".
@frank
For us in the flat lands, wind is our mountain. I only know that the wind can knock over moving semis on the highway - I try not to ride on those days. We did have a time trial once during heavy gusts, adn some idiots tried to use aerobars and disc wheels. I stayed in the drops and kept upright.
And for a delivery from the complaint department...
@frank
Have mercy on @JC Belgium, I think he may not yet be aware of the significance of the Hallowed Goblet, and I am sure was merely pointing out due reverence for the Tripel vessel, rather than conclude any degree of comparison between blah blah blah blah blah, must get back to work....