The Rules – They were never expected to become this well known. Nor was the list ever going to get this long or be taken this seriously. The Rules were first suggested as a few basic guidelines just to keep some basic civility and decorum on the road. But we took it too far (as we do everything) and now The Rules somehow define the Velominati, the inverse of intention. I use the communal ‘we’ as all Velominati share some responsibility in this.
In the spirit of a new year and spring cleaning, we have ourselves a Rules overhaul, with some New Rules to get excited about. Rule #38, #47, #79 and #81, we forget what those were, but we are moving on. For the official stone tablet version, refer to The Rules page.
- Rule #38 – Don’t leapfrog. Don’t ride back into a group that just passed you and ruin their pace, the pace that you couldn’t keep or you wouldn’t have been passed in the first place, and especially if you’ve been passed by women. Deal with it. You’ve been chicked, get used to it. There are a lot of badass women cyclists and they are going to pass your ass. @Jen gave us this Rule, suggested from personal experience and “getting chicked” is in the lexicon.
- Rule #47 – Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples. Brett was rightly offended by someone on our facebook page suggesting “kicking back with a Corona”. Everyone should be offended by this, even people who come from the land of that other great amber embarrassment, Fosters. I’m told they export it only, there should be a Rule about that. Thirty years ago we were all excited in the USA about the massive oil cans of this exotic Fosters, except you couldn’t chill it cold enough to not taste it and there was even more of it to be gagged down. Enough! Quality beer is a recovery drink. It makes you a better cyclist. OK, that’s a stretch, a happier cyclist then.
- Rule #79 – Fight for your town lines. From our good mate @Rob; “I was out yesterday to start the serious training for the 200 on 100. Met up with a group that were strong but have no race experience. We passed through at least five town lines and one double-point town/county line (nearby is my all time favorite triple – state/county/town). There should be a Rule that says something like “Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not into it”. Every time we went through without sprinting, it was like, what a waste – this is boring! And I’m not even saying I would have won any.” When @Rob speaks, I listen, especially when sprinting is the subject. And yes, he would have won most of those sprints. I miss those rides: mindlessly rolling along when from behind, someone opens up a huge handlebar throwing sprint for a town line that everyone else is too dumb to realize is right up the road. Trash talking ensues, it’s all a way to pass the k’s, amuse each other and hone your sprint. Or nervously clicking ergo shifters so people close by hear and think you are preparing for the big shift and sprint as the town line approaches, forcing someone to do something as the ergo-clicker does nothing but rides along with a dumb grin on his face.
- Rule #81 – Don’t talk it up. Cruel but fair, tempting as it is to talk about one’s most recent road rash to one’s cycling buddies but really, if you are still riding, how bad could it have been? And it was probably your own fault so better to keep quiet. @MarkyMark gave us this gem then he disappeared. MarkyMark come back, you’re famous now.
- Rule #88 – Don’t surge. A rule concerning the mechanics of group riding: when in a paceline, ride the tempo, before you tire, pull off, slow enough to drift to the back as the line ride through. It’s not rocket science, impress people by keeping the pace, not upping the speed when you get to the front. Thanks to John Perry, Sydney Cycling Club for Rule #88.
So there you have it, a slew of new Rules for you to meditate on, discuss amongst yourselves, and of course, Obey.
View Comments
@A lot of ya
Enjoying a local East End Monkey Boy (finishing the growler) followed up with a Big Hop. All beers are not created equal, nor are their drinkers and I respect your choices, I really do. But when it comes to comparing swill (Corona, Lite, Fosters, etc) to finer micros and Belgian ambrosia, then do like I tell my legs: Shut Up! If you care to drink it in certain circumstances, fine, I won't judge you, but for fuck's sake, don't advertise it and whine later.
@JC Belgium
Nipple Lube, and fixed your post.
@frank, @scaler
Wasn't there some threat of beer-in-the-bidonage for last weekend's Cogal? It's been a while since I conducted any research as my preparations for @sgt's upcoming event mean I am primarily consuming beer as a recovery beverage.
@frank
Posts like this are why you run this place...pure gold good sir.
@Buck Rogers
Thanks. Stole it from a buddy that I was overseas with. He rides mountain, otherwise a good guy.
Beer, riding and the rules - what could be better?
No comments on CAS & Bertie today?
@monkeyman
Welcome Monkeyman. Thank you for trying to steer this ship away from the pointless beer argument. It didn't really work but yes, paceline, town-line sprint, resume paceline. Repeat until done.
@Joshua
Thank hebben, Josh has fired up the generator for his electricity. He's alive! This thread has gone way off the rails. Your expert, methodical drinking and cycling experience is needed. Yes, let the cold weather testing begin.
@mcsqueak
Boston has Cambridge Brewing Co and Pretty Things, why bother with Sam Adams?
@seemunkee
CBC Pumpkin Fest. Yummmmmm
@seemunkee
Well, that was my thought exactly. Harpoon's Leviathan Ãœber-Bock was my personal favorite beer that I found while I was out there in September.
@Tartan1749
Dogfish Head's Punkin' ale is really good. Too bad I can only find their IPA out here.