New Rules
The Rules – They were never expected to become this well known. Nor was the list ever going to get this long or be taken this seriously. The Rules were first suggested as a few basic guidelines just to keep some basic civility and decorum on the road. But we took it too far (as we do everything) and now The Rules somehow define the Velominati, the inverse of intention. I use the communal ‘we’ as all Velominati share some responsibility in this.
In the spirit of a new year and spring cleaning, we have ourselves a Rules overhaul, with some New Rules to get excited about. Rule #38, #47, #79 and #81, we forget what those were, but we are moving on. For the official stone tablet version, refer to The Rules page.
- Rule #38 – Don’t leapfrog. Don’t ride back into a group that just passed you and ruin their pace, the pace that you couldn’t keep or you wouldn’t have been passed in the first place, and especially if you’ve been passed by women. Deal with it. You’ve been chicked, get used to it. There are a lot of badass women cyclists and they are going to pass your ass. @Jen gave us this Rule, suggested from personal experience and “getting chicked” is in the lexicon.
- Rule #47 – Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples. Brett was rightly offended by someone on our facebook page suggesting “kicking back with a Corona”. Everyone should be offended by this, even people who come from the land of that other great amber embarrassment, Fosters. I’m told they export it only, there should be a Rule about that. Thirty years ago we were all excited in the USA about the massive oil cans of this exotic Fosters, except you couldn’t chill it cold enough to not taste it and there was even more of it to be gagged down. Enough! Quality beer is a recovery drink. It makes you a better cyclist. OK, that’s a stretch, a happier cyclist then.
- Rule #79 – Fight for your town lines. From our good mate @Rob; “I was out yesterday to start the serious training for the 200 on 100. Met up with a group that were strong but have no race experience. We passed through at least five town lines and one double-point town/county line (nearby is my all time favorite triple – state/county/town). There should be a Rule that says something like “Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not into it”. Every time we went through without sprinting, it was like, what a waste – this is boring! And I’m not even saying I would have won any.” When @Rob speaks, I listen, especially when sprinting is the subject. And yes, he would have won most of those sprints. I miss those rides: mindlessly rolling along when from behind, someone opens up a huge handlebar throwing sprint for a town line that everyone else is too dumb to realize is right up the road. Trash talking ensues, it’s all a way to pass the k’s, amuse each other and hone your sprint. Or nervously clicking ergo shifters so people close by hear and think you are preparing for the big shift and sprint as the town line approaches, forcing someone to do something as the ergo-clicker does nothing but rides along with a dumb grin on his face.
- Rule #81 – Don’t talk it up. Cruel but fair, tempting as it is to talk about one’s most recent road rash to one’s cycling buddies but really, if you are still riding, how bad could it have been? And it was probably your own fault so better to keep quiet. @MarkyMark gave us this gem then he disappeared. MarkyMark come back, you’re famous now.
- Rule #88 – Don’t surge. A rule concerning the mechanics of group riding: when in a paceline, ride the tempo, before you tire, pull off, slow enough to drift to the back as the line ride through. It’s not rocket science, impress people by keeping the pace, not upping the speed when you get to the front. Thanks to John Perry, Sydney Cycling Club for Rule #88.
So there you have it, a slew of new Rules for you to meditate on, discuss amongst yourselves, and of course, Obey.
I actually enjoy a good Pilsner. Victory Prima is awesome.
@Buck Rogers
I’m really pumped about it just wondering how to structure my training, whether to concentrate on doing just miles and miles or to set out and concentrate on strengthening with Hill Reps and Intervals. Also how much fluid/food would u take on a 3-4 hour race, if i can avoid it i’d rather takes someones advice than be caught short and plunge into the Red Zone
@scaler911
I’ll assume you’re joking, or have no taste buds.
Sam Adams is decent for a big brewery, and certainly better than most of the piss water that is passed off as beer in this country, but to put up against any beer in the world, Belgian, Dutch, Czech, whatever is a strong, strong claim. Wow.
There are better choices in that city, such as Harpoon. If you want a Boston beer, Harpoon is awesome.
This is what I have been enjoying the most since summer, from Astoria Oregon:
Lager based on a pre-prohibition recipe, to celebrate Astoria’s Bicentennial. Very tasty.
@Calmante
I too have enjoyed the odd Corona (with lime) though I rarely drink alcohol and I never drink coffee. I like a nice cup of tea (Tetley blend) pre-ride, post-ride, thinking about a ride and when wrenching. As has been discussed regarding winter clothing, I hope what’s most important is that one gets out on the bike as much as possible no matter what gets you there, no matter what you do after.
Rule #51 has also been updated for the cockring wearers…
Yawn. Blink, blink, blink. Ahem. What’s this I hear? Aroused from my slumber by talk of beer in absolute terms? Beer as a mere RECOVERY drink? Real contentions that the argument is–gasp!–pointless?
Seriously, people, have I offered you nothing? It’s enough peel a Montanan off the trainer and out of hibernation.
Commence the cold weather beverage testing…
@Calmante
Well, not really. I’d drink a Sam before a Steel Reserve Ice, or Bud. But as McSqueek stated, putting Sam Adams up against any beer in the world? And you’re questioning my tastebuds? I’ll take that challenge, and we don’t even have to leave one street in Portland.
@JC Belgium
Wasn’t referring to you, actually. But right you are that trappists must be drunk from their respective glasses. Of course, La Trappe lost its status, so is now an abbey ale or some such. That’s an old glass.
My favorite, of course, is my Westvleteren glass of which I have two and which I believe are somewhat rare – certainly in the United States.
I’ll qualify my grandiose claim. Big brewers. And yes, I stand by it. There is a time and place for all kind of brews. There is a small brewery not too far from the base of Mount Washington with the best beer I’ve ever had, but what good does that do if I can’t bring it home?
This is the best I’ve tasted in a long while… brewed by a Dane living in NZ, a one-man operation that cleaned up at the BrewNZ awards (or something like that). Amazing hopiness, fruity and malty to boot, with a 7% kick. 8 Wired
He also has just released a Belgian Quadruple, 10% and the most drinkable Belgian I’ve tried. One bottle and you’re history. (Although I did manage to get down a Saison after it…)
@Calmante
Let me get this straight. You start off saying arguing over beer is idiotic, then proceed to make the world’s most grandios beer argument claim in the history of the world ever.
Not to mention how fucking wrong it is. Sam Adams is good enough to drink while waiting at an airport, but there is absolutely nothing remarkable about it. You don’t even have to go to a microbrew to get something better. Try Red Hook, just to name one.
Next thing you’ll do is declare that you love this site except that you think The Rules, The Articles, and the posts are useless.
Oh, wait…
@Sam
I am by no means an authority on this subject. I was at best a mid-packer Cat 3 in New Enlgand back in the early ’90’s. There are a ton of guys around here who know way more than I do.
But, that being said, not knowing what the hell I was talking about never stopped me before.
Here are my humble and probably worthless ideas on the subject: Yes to both of the ideas that you had. You have to do tons of miles, in all honesty a few years of tons of miles have to be in your legs before you can really hang after 120 to 150 k’s with a lot of climbing at race pace(or even 200 k if you are in the Pro/1/2 Cats.
I currently ride only four times a week b/c of wife/kids/work (and have no true regrets either I might add!) but I try to do at least one long ride a week of 3 to 6 hours, one high intensity interval/hill repeat ride of around 1.5 hours (including warm up and cool down) and two moderate-to-easy rides of 1.5 to 2 hours. That is an ideal week for me. When I was a young punk I rode 6 days a week, with an extra interval day and another 2 hour day thrown in (currently 40 years old and even if I had the time I would no longer do that training, I do NOT recover like I used to).
As for hydration, on the longer races you need someone to hand up a bottle to you in the feed zones. I try to drink one bottle of fluid per hour of racing, usually alternating one heed/gatorade/what-have-you with one of just water.
Gu’s every half hour with something more substantial every hour while racing.
Like I said, I was never beyond a Cat 3 but I do LOVE road racing. I am sure that others will have better advice than mine.
My next race is in 4 weeks. It’s a 125 k race with 32 k of gravel and dirt roads. It will be AWESOME!!! Praying for rain!
@frank
What Frank said…………
all this beer talk reminds me. where’s my damn v-pint. I erhhhnt it! the old fashioned way, as John houseman used to say.
@Joshua
The trick will be managing the convergence of Rule #47 with Rule #5 and avoiding a catastrophic violation of Rule #88.
http://www.velominati.com/general/beer-in-the-bidon-field-test-update/
Ooh la la
Anyone who thought the Rainbow Bands were going to struggle just got a spot of reassurance today – Cav smoked em in a pretty high powered field
Big bunch of classics boys, Gilbert, Faboo, Boonen, and Farrar for good measure – a flat course – Cav jollied along in Bernie and JAF’s wheels like he was out for a Sunday roll, but then dissected the field like they weren’t there at the end – pretty frickin impressive for someone languishing in bed for a few days with a fever – I assumed he had just rumbled round Day 1 and 2, but he’s now 3rd overall, so he must have stayed with the bunch day 1 – he looks super relaxed, jumping from wheel to wheel at will – maybe the big train isn’t that necessary after all??
Gowan ma san!!!!
I hate you.
@Dr C
And Tomeke was there for hs second “second” of the season to go with his two firsts! Man, I am so hopeful for this Classics season!!!
@frank
it certainly is rare! Did you make the phone call to the monks to receive a crate AND two glasses?? AND they sent it to the US and A? hmm, you must have connections…
I should stop reading the discussion about beer, there is no end to this. Me likes Belgian beer, one one beer, the other other beer. as Benjamin Franklin once said: “Beer is the living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” Amen
@A lot of ya
Enjoying a local East End Monkey Boy (finishing the growler) followed up with a Big Hop. All beers are not created equal, nor are their drinkers and I respect your choices, I really do. But when it comes to comparing swill (Corona, Lite, Fosters, etc) to finer micros and Belgian ambrosia, then do like I tell my legs: Shut Up! If you care to drink it in certain circumstances, fine, I won’t judge you, but for fuck’s sake, don’t advertise it and whine later.
@JC Belgium
Nipple Lube, and fixed your post.
@frank, @scaler
Wasn’t there some threat of beer-in-the-bidonage for last weekend’s Cogal? It’s been a while since I conducted any research as my preparations for @sgt’s upcoming event mean I am primarily consuming beer as a recovery beverage.
@frank
Posts like this are why you run this place…pure gold good sir.
@Buck Rogers
Thanks. Stole it from a buddy that I was overseas with. He rides mountain, otherwise a good guy.
Beer, riding and the rules – what could be better?
No comments on CAS & Bertie today?
@monkeyman
Welcome Monkeyman. Thank you for trying to steer this ship away from the pointless beer argument. It didn’t really work but yes, paceline, town-line sprint, resume paceline. Repeat until done.
@Joshua
Thank hebben, Josh has fired up the generator for his electricity. He’s alive! This thread has gone way off the rails. Your expert, methodical drinking and cycling experience is needed. Yes, let the cold weather testing begin.
@mcsqueak
Boston has Cambridge Brewing Co and Pretty Things, why bother with Sam Adams?
@seemunkee
CBC Pumpkin Fest. Yummmmmm
@seemunkee
Well, that was my thought exactly. Harpoon’s Leviathan Ãœber-Bock was my personal favorite beer that I found while I was out there in September.
@Tartan1749
Dogfish Head’s Punkin’ ale is really good. Too bad I can only find their IPA out here.
Let’s move on with it!
Boonen is back to winning pretty good sprints & wearing a leader’s jersey.
Cavendish is winning & almost making it look easy & his kit is Fucking Fantastic! Black bike, black shorts, white jersey, black helmet, white shades. Awesomeness.
I’ll have a fun & happy 2012 race campaign if Boonen & Cavendish are making it happen. I’m pumped.
@Ron
Fucken A. Boom Boom Boonen, a new and increasing bunch of Kiwi and Aussies on Pro tour teams, and Cav showing speed early. There’s a few knives being sharpened at Qatar, and I can’t wait till Griepel gets into the mix as well. That guys a fucking A grade monster.
@frank
Whilst your knowledge of cycling and how to look “simply fabulous, dahling” is unquestionable, describing Stella as a light and refreshing beer is worrying.
As for your objection to beers with added flavours, you come from a corner of Europe where they put strawberries in beer! WTF is that all about? Is that where this started out, did Fronk Snr start you on Raspberry beer as a kid?
@Dr C
@Dr C
I’m not sure you’re taking the role of Designated Responsible Adult or Kebab Prevention Officer seriously! Nevermind, I sure we won’t find ourselves in the sort of frame of mind that would encourage swimming across swimming pools full of snow or polluting ourselves with dead cat and chilli sauce, we are athletes and Velominati afterall
@Chris and Dr C…
I have some expertise in the field of hunt the elephants leg. Much as it pains me, the standard of offering in europe has been consistently higher than Londinium over the last few years. Now if we could only mix euro ‘bab with british beer, we’d be on to something. On the subject of Guinness, this is pinned up on the wall at my local (which serves a mighty good pint)
“I will read with interest Mr Lomax’s letter (Viz. this issue) re: lager commercials. I personally am a fan of the clever Guinness adverts, with their challenging visual imagery, their air of illusion, and the maturity and mystique which actor Rutger Hauer provides. If I have one criticism it is that they fail to mention that Guinness turns your shit to treacle.
P. McMurphy, Derby”
@Frank – dismissing Mexican beer underestimates the considerable potential of one of their national drinks, the Michelada…beer, tomato juice, hot sauce and maybe even mezcal, all mixed up into salty, spicy, ice cold goodness. Close to a perfect recovery beverage, for both the post aerobic and alcoholic exertions.
From my recent visits, US brewing has come a long way. Now all they need to do is wind down the fizz and alcohol so it can be consumed in the +5 pint measures more befitting the requirements of a thirsty athlete….
@Buck Rogers
When I was a young punk I rode 6 days a week, with an extra interval day and another 2 hour day thrown in (currently 40 years old and even if I had the time I would no longer do that training, I do NOT recover like I used to).
My next race is in 4 weeks. It’s a 125 k race with 32 k of gravel and dirt roads. It will be AWESOME!!! Praying for rain!
Young punk! (I’m of the same vintage as you!)= Halcyon days! We’d reminisce with riders I bump into from the 80’s/90’s. The carefree days days of tearing up the k’s, minimum 2 hours after school. Later on when working/apprentice two to three nights a week of 3 to 4 hours in the winter! (Australia)
In the summer didn’t have to train at all!
Thursday night – at the club velodrome
Friday night – drive out 150km for the country velodrome twilight racing
Saturday – at the club velodrome, night at other hosting club tracks
Sunday morning – 1 hour crit, followed by post race group ride ~60km
Monday – rest day
Tuesday night – summer crit racing in football stadium car park
Wednesday – 2 hour cruisin ride.
Getting buggered just recalling the amount of riding down back then!
Rootin for ya in your next 125k race!
@Joe
Strong work, it would seem that you have put a lot of effort into learning your trade. perhaps we should start a website / blog thing extolling the virtues of being Delightfully Squiffy and nominate ourselves as “Keepers of the Kitty”.
I must try this Michelada, although if Guinness turns your shit to treacle, god only know what that would do.
The reason I was calling on the good doctor’s services as Kebab Prevention Officer is that ever since my student days I’ve had terrible nightmares every time I have a kebab reliving the night when my mate Phil asked the kebab shop owner in his best Turkish accent “how much for your daughter”. It turned out that the rather fit young lady serving customers was in fact his daughter and we were promptly chased out of his establishment.
@Buck Rogers
Ditto! Tommeke is looking good and happy and back on a Spesh. He’s not got the speed to beat Cav head-to-head these days but he’ll take Cav in the northern classics.
@sthilzy
Definitely need to get together for a drink and talk about those “good ol’days!”
Yeah, after school nothing to do but ride and the weekends were for racing. I used to average about 350 k a week during the season (which, granted, was short as it was Northern New England and could only ride from early April through October).
Hell, now I am happy if I get 165 k a week!
Oh well, still love turning the pedals. Sometimes I forget that I am 40 and think that I am 17 when out on a ride, nothing else in my life makes me feel like that.
@wiscot
TOMEKE, TOMEKE, TOMEKE!!!
(Just praying that he did not have any recent visits to see Luc Van den Broeck … uuhhgg, yes I actually did just say that.)
@frank
That’s funny that you say that, because that’s usually the only place I drink Sam Adams.
@Ron
Second that Cav is looking awesomely rule-compliant.
@Chris
I have repeatedly disavowed Dutch Beer. Also shit. All of it. Belgium is OK, but these days, I’d happily declare that the ales being micro-brewed in the States is leading the charge.
I’m not declaring Stella a good beer; I’m merely stating that if you have a character flaw that dictates you drink a light refreshing beer, that is a better choice than that other shit.
@JC Belgium
My brother and I would drive down from Delft and pick it up at the market across the street. I had a special suitcase that I could carry-on on the plane and I used it solely for transporting Wesvleteren back stateside.
Of course, that would never work anymore, so that train has sailed. Methinks perhaps I need to make a pitstop up there when we’re there in April…
@wiscot
And Cav, as much as it pains me, is looking fucking magnificent in his kit, and he’s looking nice and trim as well. Methinks this will be a good season!
@frank
Jesus fuck Frank, that explains a lot. You need to extend your trip to include a tour of England to get some proper real ale down your neck.
@Chris – absolutely spot on mate. Frank, sort it out. 8-10 pints of wonder, a roofblaster of a ruby then we can smash it around some badly rutted, 20%’ers the next day…
Our local café pretty much hates cyclists because of the number of individuals taking the opportunity to ‘slim down to racing weight’ the morning after, prior to setting off for a ride.
@Chris, @Joe
Thats settled then: bring along some of your favorites, I’ll bring along some of mine to Keeper’ Tour. We’ll settle this.
@frank
Now we’re talking…..
@frank, @Joe
Real ale doesn’t come to you, @frank, you have to go to real ale.
We’re not talking about picking up a few tinnies or a six pack, but a cask which needs to be given time after transportation to settle before venting and further settling before it is ready to drink. It will not be served with the assistance of any form of gas to get it from the cask to the glass.
You can get real in a bottle but that’s just wrong and it never quite tastes the same.
Given that we’re being hosted by a brewery and stuff is limitless it would be churlish not to drink the local beer.
@Dr C
Yep, Irish but living in NZ, I couldn’t imagine a better pair of topics, Guinness and cycling while consuming copious of said liquid in a pub in Ireland.
Guinness is shite here but thankfully there’s a strong micro brewery industry building, still though cooking lager is popular. I was actually a Murphy’s man in Ireland!!!