The Rules – They were never expected to become this well known. Nor was the list ever going to get this long or be taken this seriously. The Rules were first suggested as a few basic guidelines just to keep some basic civility and decorum on the road. But we took it too far (as we do everything) and now The Rules somehow define the Velominati, the inverse of intention. I use the communal ‘we’ as all Velominati share some responsibility in this.
In the spirit of a new year and spring cleaning, we have ourselves a Rules overhaul, with some New Rules to get excited about. Rule #38, #47, #79 and #81, we forget what those were, but we are moving on. For the official stone tablet version, refer to The Rules page.
- Rule #38 – Don’t leapfrog. Don’t ride back into a group that just passed you and ruin their pace, the pace that you couldn’t keep or you wouldn’t have been passed in the first place, and especially if you’ve been passed by women. Deal with it. You’ve been chicked, get used to it. There are a lot of badass women cyclists and they are going to pass your ass. @Jen gave us this Rule, suggested from personal experience and “getting chicked” is in the lexicon.
- Rule #47 – Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples. Brett was rightly offended by someone on our facebook page suggesting “kicking back with a Corona”. Everyone should be offended by this, even people who come from the land of that other great amber embarrassment, Fosters. I’m told they export it only, there should be a Rule about that. Thirty years ago we were all excited in the USA about the massive oil cans of this exotic Fosters, except you couldn’t chill it cold enough to not taste it and there was even more of it to be gagged down. Enough! Quality beer is a recovery drink. It makes you a better cyclist. OK, that’s a stretch, a happier cyclist then.
- Rule #79 – Fight for your town lines. From our good mate @Rob; “I was out yesterday to start the serious training for the 200 on 100. Met up with a group that were strong but have no race experience. We passed through at least five town lines and one double-point town/county line (nearby is my all time favorite triple – state/county/town). There should be a Rule that says something like “Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not into it”. Every time we went through without sprinting, it was like, what a waste – this is boring! And I’m not even saying I would have won any.” When @Rob speaks, I listen, especially when sprinting is the subject. And yes, he would have won most of those sprints. I miss those rides: mindlessly rolling along when from behind, someone opens up a huge handlebar throwing sprint for a town line that everyone else is too dumb to realize is right up the road. Trash talking ensues, it’s all a way to pass the k’s, amuse each other and hone your sprint. Or nervously clicking ergo shifters so people close by hear and think you are preparing for the big shift and sprint as the town line approaches, forcing someone to do something as the ergo-clicker does nothing but rides along with a dumb grin on his face.
- Rule #81 – Don’t talk it up. Cruel but fair, tempting as it is to talk about one’s most recent road rash to one’s cycling buddies but really, if you are still riding, how bad could it have been? And it was probably your own fault so better to keep quiet. @MarkyMark gave us this gem then he disappeared. MarkyMark come back, you’re famous now.
- Rule #88 – Don’t surge. A rule concerning the mechanics of group riding: when in a paceline, ride the tempo, before you tire, pull off, slow enough to drift to the back as the line ride through. It’s not rocket science, impress people by keeping the pace, not upping the speed when you get to the front. Thanks to John Perry, Sydney Cycling Club for Rule #88.
So there you have it, a slew of new Rules for you to meditate on, discuss amongst yourselves, and of course, Obey.
View Comments
@Barry Roubaix
Let the healing begin in late March. I'm a novitiate in the Belgian Abby's world and I need to start up the steep learning curve of pleasurable Belgian beer drinking. 15% grade on that learning curve, I reckon, I'll be in the 50x26. That's right, god damnit, an f'ing compact in Belgium. I don't care anymore. I'm not pushing my bike up, that is not going to happen.
@Souleur
Ah, Jensing it - the stuff of my dreams - sadly, just keeping the pace ticking at the front had me on the rivet
As per usual, the rollers were 6K away, and sure enough, there I was, 4 back, on the outside line, guaranteed the last two shifts to the foot of the hills, and a celebration of pedalling squares as the charge began - it's always the same - I just try to convince myself I am a super domestique, and make sure I blow in style - I rarely fail - not sure any amount of V would save myself or the poor sod trying to get some air just behind me - one of these days, I'm going to apply some guile....
@Gianni
Is that an f'ing compact drinking technique you espouse? Probably safer than drinking pints in Belgium..... just saying
@Sam
For a moment I thought you were going to say Brailsford had got the WCs for the Yorkie Dales - now that would be a scoop!
@Dr C
I'd love a World Cup Stage up here! thats the dream for me a spring classic with 4-5 of the stomptastic 20% bastards to make the selection.... i'm presuming WCs is a World Cup Race, we have a shocking lac of pro level races in this country
@Sam
set your sights higher - I was thinking rainbows
@Dr C
that would be fantastic wiki says we haven't had it since 1982, which feels like a long time, i'd love it to be up here but i can't see it, but then again the road scene is growing again up here we've got a new elite RR series starting which hopefully should divert some of the attention from the interminable crits, not that i have anything against them but RR is where its at
@Souleur
I just can't keep my eyes of this colour scheme!
Behold the V-Pint in all it's Merckxian Glory!
@sthilzy: man that is a classic, that's a Keeper!