Hair today, Ronde tomorrow. Photo Cor Vos
Rule #33 has to be one of the most discussed, deconstructed and divisive of all the Rules. I suppose there’s something about grown men who are non-professional cyclists taking a razor to their pins that brings out some strong emotions and it never fails to generate conversation and opinion. But really, who cares what someone else does to their own body and what business is it of ours to question or berate them for it?
The crux is that hairy legs on a road cyclist look like shit. There’s no getting away from it. On a mountain biker, hirsute guns may even look better, unless you’re an XC racer which is really just a roadie with suspension. If you’re a proponent of both, then you have a dilemna. Unless you’re the World Champion of course, then you can do what the hell you like. When Peter Sagan turned up for the early season with a healthy thatch on each of his pistons, the interwebs went into overdrive; how dare the Rainbow Jersey be sullied by such insolence. The counter argument being: awesome, he looks just like me now.
No, he doesn’t. Never will. No matter if he turned into a wookie overnight, he will never look like you/us. But what did happen back in the pre-Spring was he gave gave us all a clause, an out, a caveat for our own hairiness. Now, I’m not suggesting we all just throw away the razors and party like it’s 1969. That’s careless and irresponsible. But, having endured a winter marked by injury, laziness, lack of motivation and too much work, I am using Sags’ example as an adjunct to Rule #33. See, if you’re not actually riding a bike, and it’s cold, and your legs are mainly out of sight (or seen exclusively on a mountain bike), then why go to the trouble of keeping them smooth? It’s not like there’s any muscle, definition, or tan lines to show off.
So it’s decreed that under certain conditions, as outlined above, that the Sagan Clause can be invoked and a Cyclist––on temporary hiatus––can let their hair down until such time as some form of fitness returns or regular chamois time is being logged. Once you feel like a Cyclist again, then the razor can and must come out, because no matter how often you may try to convince yourself otherwise, that shit just don’t belong.
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
A timely article. As they so often are. I had a week sans velo last week; I'd managed to coincide a hideous chest cough with my bike going to my local mech for a full service. In the meantime, I wasn't riding, I wasn't racing - my motivation to keep the guns smooth was gone.
Got my bike back on friday with a new drive chain and fresh Fizik tape on the bars (white of course, and perfect - my mechanic is a legend), fitted in 60k ride before work this morning. And last night? Got the razor out. Turns out underneath the fluff and stubble I'm still a cyclist.
Oh, and the article - I did quite like the idea of going into hibernation over the winter and letting the hair re-grow. Mostly because I like the idea of that first shave in the spring, as if to say to the world: 'training is over; now it's race time'.
But I'm really keen to ride the velodrome regularly through the winter and I'm not sure I could deal with hairy legs indoors. Feels completely different to hiding them under knee warmers/bib tights.
@Spider
Doesn't there come a point in the growth period when the hair is of such length that it pokes through the fabric of the leg warmers?
Another question from one who has never had polished guns - how high does one do the polishing?
@Steve Trice
Dude, ablutions? Seriously, that cracks me up. Ablutions. Almost makes it sound like some ritual purification kinda thing. And maybe it is? Strange word it is too. I've never used it. Cheers
Let's start a debate about this statement: "Rule #33 has to be one of the most discussed, deconstructed and divisive of all the Rules."
I see Rule #29 as the most discussed, deconstructed and divisive of all Rules. Even all Keepers are aligned on Rule #33 while a certain Keeper promoted disobedience to no-EPMS/Rule #29. Just read yesterday an old article with beautiful pictures on #73 (still puzzled myself how cables should run when right brifter operates rear brake) with dissenting Keepers' opinions.
@Steve Trice
Hasn't occurred, I do note that the hairs go a bit crazy when the leg warmers come off post ride...but then there's a shower after the stretch. The largest issue I think is if it rains - normally I'd go bare legs with embro, can't do that with hair!
@Ccos
Well done! There's a Lexicon entry right there, in my opinion!
@Spider
Ha ha, indeed not. Once the daytime temperature norm drops below 16° I tend to go with knee warmers or tights all the time. To the best of my recollection I've never ridden with embrocation on my legs.
@Randy C
It is an unusual word with, I suspect, origins in the army. I probably picked it up as a lad in the Scouts but it's normal parlance with my family now - "I'm just off to ablute, dad" - so the strangeness has worn off!