On Rule #33: The Sagan Clause
Rule #33 has to be one of the most discussed, deconstructed and divisive of all the Rules. I suppose there’s something about grown men who are non-professional cyclists taking a razor to their pins that brings out some strong emotions and it never fails to generate conversation and opinion. But really, who cares what someone else does to their own body and what business is it of ours to question or berate them for it?
The crux is that hairy legs on a road cyclist look like shit. There’s no getting away from it. On a mountain biker, hirsute guns may even look better, unless you’re an XC racer which is really just a roadie with suspension. If you’re a proponent of both, then you have a dilemna. Unless you’re the World Champion of course, then you can do what the hell you like. When Peter Sagan turned up for the early season with a healthy thatch on each of his pistons, the interwebs went into overdrive; how dare the Rainbow Jersey be sullied by such insolence. The counter argument being: awesome, he looks just like me now.
No, he doesn’t. Never will. No matter if he turned into a wookie overnight, he will never look like you/us. But what did happen back in the pre-Spring was he gave gave us all a clause, an out, a caveat for our own hairiness. Now, I’m not suggesting we all just throw away the razors and party like it’s 1969. That’s careless and irresponsible. But, having endured a winter marked by injury, laziness, lack of motivation and too much work, I am using Sags’ example as an adjunct to Rule #33. See, if you’re not actually riding a bike, and it’s cold, and your legs are mainly out of sight (or seen exclusively on a mountain bike), then why go to the trouble of keeping them smooth? It’s not like there’s any muscle, definition, or tan lines to show off.
So it’s decreed that under certain conditions, as outlined above, that the Sagan Clause can be invoked and a Cyclist––on temporary hiatus––can let their hair down until such time as some form of fitness returns or regular chamois time is being logged. Once you feel like a Cyclist again, then the razor can and must come out, because no matter how often you may try to convince yourself otherwise, that shit just don’t belong.
That’s my mantra. If you are shaving legs and riding like shiet than you feel like a real impostor. Once that corner gets turned, then looking down to see hairy legs is unacceptable. The hard part is knowing when the transition should happen.
this is an excellent point. shaven, obviously untrained legs, are silly. Sean Kelly guns with hair similarly aggravate aesthetic law.
Hear, Hear!
Having struggled with the lurking dagger of being a Velominada this season (certainly in terms of my overall participation in this discussion of the finer points of being a Cyclist) a good debate, sparked by a controversial post from a Keeper, has roused me from my slumber.
Indeed, I let the thatch grow during the dark months of winter, whilst the guns were shadowed behind full length gear in strict observance of Rule #82.
But once the weather dictated that it was time to ditch the leggings (Sun’s out, guns out) I looked down upon my legs as they powered my machine forward I promptly thought to myself…
“Oh fuck! I’ve got to hurry up and shave. I look ridiculous.”
Honestly, the reason I haven’t shaved is that I don’t feel I have earned it yet. It’s a reward, not a punishment.
@Gianni
Au contraire ! It is precisely at these times of absentia that I need to shave my legs, to remind myself that I am a cyclist!
Back in the day, I remember seeing Doug Shapiro win a race out here in Redmond and noticed how his legs had that two-week stubble look going on – so pro! After much research, here’s how I get the same look without any pesky tan or fitness to interfere:
Get a cheap hair trimmer, the kind with all the attachments.
Prune the gams, no attachment needed.
That’s it. You either end up looking like a guy who hasn’t shaved his legs for a while or someone with really light, short leg hair.
You’re welcome.
I, on the other hand simply made a deal.
My wife loathes my clean shaven guns, so last season I made a deal with her.
when the season ends and I stop racing, I’ll stop shaving.
deal, done, hands shook.
so I took up cyclocross and carried on shaving!
@Rob Taylor
I have brokered a similar deal with my VMH as I did not have the good sense to keep shaving in the “in between years” of being off the bike when I first met her. Perhaps I could have passed it off as alopecia cyclicus or some such. An ailment would garner me less sighs and eye rolling I’m sure.
Does your bike define you as a cyclist? Your kit? Your bitchin’-ass shades?
Of course not.
Your legs define you as a cyclist. Shaving is part of the process, and should be as natural as any part of your development as a cyclist. Even Peter the Great shaved as he got serious again this year and he friggin’ invented the Sagan Clause.
@Gianni
As a perennial Rule #33 violator, this has oft been my thought process: “When I’m a little faster, then it will be time. Until then, it’s added resistance to my training.” or, it’ll be “The rules allow it so long as I can dish out the hurt. When I’m a little faster, it won’t matter.”
So the follow up question to the Velominati is as Gianni has intimated, when should the transition occur?
@LA Dave
… Or Hair, hair!?
shaving is as simple as wanting to be able to massage your legs/or get a massage for those who can afford the everyday indulgence. Me I throw my legs up on the wall, shake my legs out- find those tight spots, work them out. hairy legs aint as easy to massage – that the simple reason…for me anyway.
Hair hair
@Ccos
As a result of photodynamic therapy (for medical reasons) on my legs, my guns are permanently hairless from mid thigh to below my ankles. I just have to shave my thighs to prevent “hamster pants.”
i let my legs get hairy in the winter only. as a Sasquatch my Belgian leg warmers come in nice and full just in time for winter base miles.
Segan is a poor example, he doesn’t really even know or care who Eddy Merckx is
Mrs Phil hates it when I shave. I argue its okay because I have better looking legs than her.
That said, I have to wait until her and the kids are out of the house before I go and get the clippers if I haven’t done it for a while.
When doing maintenance, I have to deal with the two sets of inquisitive eyes of a 3 and a 1 year old. Explaining my guns to a 3 year old can really make you question yourself when you say it out loud.
@Rob Taylor
I doff my casquette.
If I had a wife she wouldn’t dare comment on my leg shaving.
@TheVid
It is unique to each of us. For me, I mentioned that I was a cyclist and a friend (who used to be a cyclist) asked to see the legs. Not having shaved them yet, I realized I was a charade. A few days later, the pins were smooth.
Worth noting that, for Sagan, his early season (a.k.a. “hairy” results) was unremarkable (for a world champion) but as soon as he shaved the guns what happened? Gent-Wevelgem. Flanders. Maybe he felt that his early season form didn’t deserve the ritual either, it’s just that his bar is so much higher. As soon as he was ready, he picked up the razor and dropped the hammer.
@BacklashJack
as a newly wed, he may have been too busy “training” to remember to maintain the guns
@Chipomarc
Fucking This right here!!
If you are a cyclist, shave your pins. End of Story. Pretty black and white issue.
-Eddie
When in season I keep the guns clean and neat for several reasons: vanity, ease of massage, and in case of a tumble. In my cycling circle, there are four gentlemen who are going full wookie. The rest of my group is like me. We would love to taunt the hairy ones in the group but each of them is a real crusher. One can out sprint a bullet, two can out climb a ram, and the last can pull on flats like a locomotive. Until one of us can better anyone of them in their element, we have no shaved legs to stand on.
The first time I met the hairiest one in the group was on our speed ride. I was thinking to myself – Is this guy a newbie? Got to be. He won’t last long once we open up. Ha, joke was on me. I was full gas in the drops and he paced through on the hoods like it was a coffee ride. My first ride with the second hairiest in the group was a similar experience. I was invited for an 8AM climbing ride. I look over at this fellow full of hair. I should have recognized his skill by his casually deliberate behavior. But again, I pegged him as a newbie. Mistake #2. Turns out he is the KOM on almost every climb in the region and he proved it that day.
Since my snap judgements proved foolish twice, I figured I was due to be proven correct on my third try. Nope. I played the fool again. I have realized that perhaps the best way to camouflage your cycling superpowers is behind unshaven guns.
@EBruner
You left off the Period.
Sagan has it going so well that he no longer looks at his own legs.
Mountain biker here. About 6 months ago, I was going pretty well, training well, riding when I could, in the time that LBS and young family would allow. My hairy legs were looking and feeling pretty good.
I started wondering… what if?
So out with the Wahl, and then the razor.
Result? They look freaking awesome! Muscle definition? Check. Feel? Sweet! In the shower? Smooth! In the pool? Divine! In the bed? Slippery! Win, win win.
The wife is pretty meh about the whole thing. I’m yet to remind her that her legs are hairier than mine. (Probably not safe to either).
I’ll never get to rightfully wear a rainbow jersey, with smooth or hairy legs, but I can wear baggy shorts or bibs. My legs look fantastic!
Vain much? Yep. Fuck you. This is me.
I’ve come to the conclusion that shaving is always better. I’m semi-Velominada this summer, not in great shape, and still shaving. It looks better, my woman (not a wookie) digs it, and it feels great in the wind and in the bed.
Mountain Biker, road commuter here. About 6 months ago was in pretty good trim, training and riding as well as time allows an LBS owner and dad. My legs were feeling good, and I looked then and wondered… what if..
Out came the Wahl and the razor, and they were freaking awesome (in my own twisted reality). I had guns! Smooth, shiny guns. They looked good and felt awesome. In the sheets? Slick. In the shower? Sweet. In the pool? Incredible. With the bibs? Action-ready. MTB Baggies? (no one cares)
Mrs Days say meh, but I can tell she’s secretly verrry impressed.
So, I do it, because I like it. Vain much? You bet. Fuck you, I’m a cyclist.
Actually, just checking today, I have leg-stubble. Must be time.
@TheVid
It’s simple, really. Tan lines? Shave. No tan lines? Do whatever you want, because you either don’t need to shave or you don’t “get” to shave (per @John H., who shares my thoughts on this).
Actually, serious question. For those without beards.
Do you have a face razor and a leg razor? Or do you wait until the blade in your face razor is almost worn, when it’s last duty is to clean the guns?
Pray-tell is there a rule?
@Iandays
I can’t imagine there’s a rule for that, although I use a Gillette Mach 3 for the face and a lady’s Venus for the legs. In the latter case it’s shared with the wife and daughter anyway. Somehow the Venus seems softer of material and line and suits the legs better than the Mach 3.
Like everybody else (probably) I first shaved out of curiosity, tribalism etc and I still put razor to legs every other day throughout the year. Those original reasons for the ritual still apply, but I realise that I also enjoy the same feeling after leg shaving as after having shaved my face – just really clean and fresh – hence my doing it year round. Doesn’t anybody else see it as a normal part of their ablutions now?
While living in California nearly thirty years ago, I enjoyed weather that never seemed to invoke Rule #9, and so smooth skin between ankle and hip was essential. Now I live in Ireland, where Rule #9 is like breathing. The hairier, the better, but still, I will never breach Rule #33.
@Steve Trice
Both but I do not use the Venus, since it’s a rip-off but women fall for it (shrink it and pink it, as @Winnipegcyclechick would call it). The perceived smoothness of the Venus is caused by the soapy stuff attached to the blade, which makes it feel like it’s smoother but is not. Just use regular shaving cream and throw away Gillette blue. And I do not use Baxter’s.
But coming back to the topic: lot of hericy going on here… Rule #33 is clear. Some pro’s have EPMS when they go out training but that does not allow us to follow suit.
There should only be one DEIS Natalis (birthday of the Velominatus, where DEIS stands for Decisive Evening In the Shower), and not annual recurrences which is what a Dies Natalis would be.
heresy!
@KogaLover
Shaving cream? I just use well lathered shower gel on the legs.
A month or so back there was a TV Ad with the usual long shapely legs demoing the latest greatest lady razor and weirdly I suddenly realised I was watching the razor……..I need therapy.
@Iandays
One for the face, one for the legs. Same with aftershave lotions…baxters for the legs, various stuff for the face.
Started doing a winter ritual that my friend put me onto, stop shaving in winter….it ensures I wear full leg warmers on every ride (out of shame!)…encourages proper dressing in winter. When September comes round, shave em down!
A timely article. As they so often are. I had a week sans velo last week; I’d managed to coincide a hideous chest cough with my bike going to my local mech for a full service. In the meantime, I wasn’t riding, I wasn’t racing – my motivation to keep the guns smooth was gone.
Got my bike back on friday with a new drive chain and fresh Fizik tape on the bars (white of course, and perfect – my mechanic is a legend), fitted in 60k ride before work this morning. And last night? Got the razor out. Turns out underneath the fluff and stubble I’m still a cyclist.
Oh, and the article – I did quite like the idea of going into hibernation over the winter and letting the hair re-grow. Mostly because I like the idea of that first shave in the spring, as if to say to the world: ‘training is over; now it’s race time’.
But I’m really keen to ride the velodrome regularly through the winter and I’m not sure I could deal with hairy legs indoors. Feels completely different to hiding them under knee warmers/bib tights.
@Spider
Doesn’t there come a point in the growth period when the hair is of such length that it pokes through the fabric of the leg warmers?
Another question from one who has never had polished guns – how high does one do the polishing?
@Steve Trice
Dude, ablutions? Seriously, that cracks me up. Ablutions. Almost makes it sound like some ritual purification kinda thing. And maybe it is? Strange word it is too. I’ve never used it. Cheers
Let’s start a debate about this statement: “ Rule #33 has to be one of the most discussed, deconstructed and divisive of all the Rules.”
I see Rule #29 as the most discussed, deconstructed and divisive of all Rules. Even all Keepers are aligned on Rule #33 while a certain Keeper promoted disobedience to no-EPMS/Rule #29. Just read yesterday an old article with beautiful pictures on #73 (still puzzled myself how cables should run when right brifter operates rear brake) with dissenting Keepers’ opinions.
@Steve Trice
Hasn’t occurred, I do note that the hairs go a bit crazy when the leg warmers come off post ride…but then there’s a shower after the stretch. The largest issue I think is if it rains – normally I’d go bare legs with embro, can’t do that with hair!
@Ccos
Well done! There’s a Lexicon entry right there, in my opinion!
@Spider
Ha ha, indeed not. Once the daytime temperature norm drops below 16° I tend to go with knee warmers or tights all the time. To the best of my recollection I’ve never ridden with embrocation on my legs.
@Randy C
It is an unusual word with, I suspect, origins in the army. I probably picked it up as a lad in the Scouts but it’s normal parlance with my family now – “I’m just off to ablute, dad” – so the strangeness has worn off!