Hair today, Ronde tomorrow. Photo Cor Vos
Rule #33 has to be one of the most discussed, deconstructed and divisive of all the Rules. I suppose there’s something about grown men who are non-professional cyclists taking a razor to their pins that brings out some strong emotions and it never fails to generate conversation and opinion. But really, who cares what someone else does to their own body and what business is it of ours to question or berate them for it?
The crux is that hairy legs on a road cyclist look like shit. There’s no getting away from it. On a mountain biker, hirsute guns may even look better, unless you’re an XC racer which is really just a roadie with suspension. If you’re a proponent of both, then you have a dilemna. Unless you’re the World Champion of course, then you can do what the hell you like. When Peter Sagan turned up for the early season with a healthy thatch on each of his pistons, the interwebs went into overdrive; how dare the Rainbow Jersey be sullied by such insolence. The counter argument being: awesome, he looks just like me now.
No, he doesn’t. Never will. No matter if he turned into a wookie overnight, he will never look like you/us. But what did happen back in the pre-Spring was he gave gave us all a clause, an out, a caveat for our own hairiness. Now, I’m not suggesting we all just throw away the razors and party like it’s 1969. That’s careless and irresponsible. But, having endured a winter marked by injury, laziness, lack of motivation and too much work, I am using Sags’ example as an adjunct to Rule #33. See, if you’re not actually riding a bike, and it’s cold, and your legs are mainly out of sight (or seen exclusively on a mountain bike), then why go to the trouble of keeping them smooth? It’s not like there’s any muscle, definition, or tan lines to show off.
So it’s decreed that under certain conditions, as outlined above, that the Sagan Clause can be invoked and a Cyclist––on temporary hiatus––can let their hair down until such time as some form of fitness returns or regular chamois time is being logged. Once you feel like a Cyclist again, then the razor can and must come out, because no matter how often you may try to convince yourself otherwise, that shit just don’t belong.
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@TheVid
It is unique to each of us. For me, I mentioned that I was a cyclist and a friend (who used to be a cyclist) asked to see the legs. Not having shaved them yet, I realized I was a charade. A few days later, the pins were smooth.
Worth noting that, for Sagan, his early season (a.k.a. "hairy" results) was unremarkable (for a world champion) but as soon as he shaved the guns what happened? Gent-Wevelgem. Flanders. Maybe he felt that his early season form didn't deserve the ritual either, it's just that his bar is so much higher. As soon as he was ready, he picked up the razor and dropped the hammer.
@BacklashJack
as a newly wed, he may have been too busy "training" to remember to maintain the guns
@Chipomarc
Fucking This right here!!
If you are a cyclist, shave your pins. End of Story. Pretty black and white issue.
-Eddie
When in season I keep the guns clean and neat for several reasons: vanity, ease of massage, and in case of a tumble. In my cycling circle, there are four gentlemen who are going full wookie. The rest of my group is like me. We would love to taunt the hairy ones in the group but each of them is a real crusher. One can out sprint a bullet, two can out climb a ram, and the last can pull on flats like a locomotive. Until one of us can better anyone of them in their element, we have no shaved legs to stand on.
The first time I met the hairiest one in the group was on our speed ride. I was thinking to myself - Is this guy a newbie? Got to be. He won't last long once we open up. Ha, joke was on me. I was full gas in the drops and he paced through on the hoods like it was a coffee ride. My first ride with the second hairiest in the group was a similar experience. I was invited for an 8AM climbing ride. I look over at this fellow full of hair. I should have recognized his skill by his casually deliberate behavior. But again, I pegged him as a newbie. Mistake #2. Turns out he is the KOM on almost every climb in the region and he proved it that day.
Since my snap judgements proved foolish twice, I figured I was due to be proven correct on my third try. Nope. I played the fool again. I have realized that perhaps the best way to camouflage your cycling superpowers is behind unshaven guns.
@EBruner
You left off the Period.
Sagan has it going so well that he no longer looks at his own legs.
Mountain biker here. About 6 months ago, I was going pretty well, training well, riding when I could, in the time that LBS and young family would allow. My hairy legs were looking and feeling pretty good.
I started wondering... what if?
So out with the Wahl, and then the razor.
Result? They look freaking awesome! Muscle definition? Check. Feel? Sweet! In the shower? Smooth! In the pool? Divine! In the bed? Slippery! Win, win win.
The wife is pretty meh about the whole thing. I'm yet to remind her that her legs are hairier than mine. (Probably not safe to either).
I'll never get to rightfully wear a rainbow jersey, with smooth or hairy legs, but I can wear baggy shorts or bibs. My legs look fantastic!
Vain much? Yep. Fuck you. This is me.
I've come to the conclusion that shaving is always better. I'm semi-Velominada this summer, not in great shape, and still shaving. It looks better, my woman (not a wookie) digs it, and it feels great in the wind and in the bed.
Mountain Biker, road commuter here. About 6 months ago was in pretty good trim, training and riding as well as time allows an LBS owner and dad. My legs were feeling good, and I looked then and wondered... what if..
Out came the Wahl and the razor, and they were freaking awesome (in my own twisted reality). I had guns! Smooth, shiny guns. They looked good and felt awesome. In the sheets? Slick. In the shower? Sweet. In the pool? Incredible. With the bibs? Action-ready. MTB Baggies? (no one cares)
Mrs Days say meh, but I can tell she's secretly verrry impressed.
So, I do it, because I like it. Vain much? You bet. Fuck you, I'm a cyclist.
Actually, just checking today, I have leg-stubble. Must be time.