Categories: Rantings from the V-BunkerThe Rules

On Rule #41: Garbage Collectors

Rule #41 Violation forces Tour Champ to swap bikes.

[rule number=41/]

Look, people. We’re not making this up; we’re mainlining this shit straight from the rivers of Truth flowing down the slopes of Mount Velomis. They draw from the history and culture of the sport, and from good common sense. They make sense, in fact, even if the Keepers don’t necessarily know why at the time of conjuring. Nevertheless, they apply to the weekend warrior as much as they do to a Tour de France Champion.

Television commentators waxed poetic about the garbage bag caught on Froome’s back wheel being symbolic of how this race has thrown everything at him and still he persevered. Well, I’m here to tell you that his litter collection was little more than civic service and had nothing to do with bad luck: it was penance paid for a blatant violation of Rule #41. Full stop.

Obey the Rules and this sort of shit won’t happen.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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frank says:

Jul 27 2015 at 4:40 pm

@DeKerr

It would appear that the “araignée affectueux d’ampoule” can’t help but ride ugly.

I do like his yellow shoes.
Peddler931 says:

Jul 27 2015 at 4:44 pm

I note that the screen cap is from RAI. Is there a rule regarding preference for using an Italian feed when streaming cycling events?
Ccos says:

Jul 27 2015 at 6:18 pm

Actual conversation:

Me: "hey, you shouldn't have your rear quick release facing backwards like that. Someone could run into and and pop your wheel out."

Other dude: "have you ever seen that happen?"

Me: "just fucking put it the right way."
ClydesdaleChris says:

Jul 27 2015 at 6:52 pm

@Peddler931

Only for the Giro. L'Equipe for tour.
Puffy says:

Jul 27 2015 at 7:31 pm

Well said!!
frank says:

Jul 27 2015 at 8:04 pm

@Ccos

Actual conversation:

Me: “hey, you shouldn’t have your rear quick release facing backwards like that. Someone could run into and and pop your wheel out.”

Other dude: “have you ever seen that happen?”

Me: “just fucking put it the right way.”

That's the common argument. Now you can add, "Are you trying to scrape up road kill with that fucking thing?"
frank says:

Jul 27 2015 at 8:08 pm

@Peddler931

I note that the screen cap is from RAI. Is there a rule regarding preference for using an Italian feed when streaming cycling events?

For the Giro, yes. For the Tour there is so much coverage it isn't even really a French event anymore, apart from occurring largely in France and being organized - and owned - by Frenchmen. All those things aside, its pretty much a Globally-owned enterprise, so you can watch it on whatever network you want.
frank says:

Jul 27 2015 at 8:10 pm

@Nate

It’s been too long since an article had a Mt Velomis reference.

I've long envisioned an animated film of the creation of The Rules on Mount Velomis, but I can't find an animator who will do that shit for free.
frank says:

Jul 27 2015 at 8:15 pm

Can I also point out how much the Osymetric chainrings fuck with your chain tension? Froome's bike looks like a hipster turned his ten-speed into a "fixie" without a chain tensioner.
RM2Ride says:

Jul 27 2015 at 9:16 pm

True. Except that particular hipster just hoisted a silly blue cup at the end of a 23-day vacance en France. It might be hard to argue with that, somewhat.

Dunno, never tried those rings myself. Wonder if they'll catch on now.