Categories: Rantings from the V-BunkerThe Rules

On Rule #41: Garbage Collectors

Rule #41 Violation forces Tour Champ to swap bikes.

[rule number=41/]

Look, people. We’re not making this up; we’re mainlining this shit straight from the rivers of Truth flowing down the slopes of Mount Velomis. They draw from the history and culture of the sport, and from good common sense. They make sense, in fact, even if the Keepers don’t necessarily know why at the time of conjuring. Nevertheless, they apply to the weekend warrior as much as they do to a Tour de France Champion.

Television commentators waxed poetic about the garbage bag caught on Froome’s back wheel being symbolic of how this race has thrown everything at him and still he persevered. Well, I’m here to tell you that his litter collection was little more than civic service and had nothing to do with bad luck: it was penance paid for a blatant violation of Rule #41. Full stop.

Obey the Rules and this sort of shit won’t happen.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

ped says:

Jul 29 2015 at 3:26 pm

@frank

Thank fuck you got it!
Barracuda says:

Jul 29 2015 at 6:06 pm

@frank @ped Im stuck in an office 10 hours a day, my sense of humour has had a by-pass for the last few weeks.

I assure you I'll be back to my sarcastic self in no time. Point taken
Mike C says:

Jul 29 2015 at 6:41 pm

@Matt

@Mike C

Would Quintana’s facial expression change?

No.

I was hoping that photo would show up
frank says:

Jul 29 2015 at 10:53 pm

@ped

@frank

Thank fuck you got it!

Its a full on Clinton thumbs up, too!
nobby says:

Jul 30 2015 at 5:29 am

@1860

@nobby

See, the thing is, my forks won’t allow the correct application of #41, so do I buy a new bike?

Or, by NOT buying a new bike, am I in direct contravention of #12?

Am I proper fucked either way?

Yes I confirm you are fucked! (obvious-man at work again)….

Aww Gawd Damn it!!!!
nobby says:

Jul 30 2015 at 5:31 am

@frank

@Barracuda

@ChrisO

@frank

@ped

@rfreese888

Is Brailsford the new Guimard? How amazing would it be if he can win a TDF with a 3rd rider like G or a non brit like Landa.

Hard to see any team beating them when they are on song now.

Oh, for fucks sake. Guimard’s legacy is a little more extensive than Brailsford’s. I’m happy for you Brits, but lets not get carried away here.

Let’s end this now

cool

the antithesisa

Plus One badge passes to you. Spot the fuck on.

I honestly fail to see what is so uncool about that.

I see a guy has won his second Tour with some hard and tactical riding on a course designed to give him the least advantage.

I see another guy who – putting historical comparisons aside – is the most successful and intelligent manager currently in cycling.

I see stylish kit, a stylish car and good looking bikes.

None of that stops me questioning some of Sky’s approach and PR, nor do I particularly warm to Froome but seriously, get over the bitterness guys.

I reckon Im with you on this one @ChrisO.

Given the spanning of years its just the natural progression of things and as you said, whats not to like about black Jags, high end Pinarello’s, Rapha and those Kask lids.

Im envious and exhausted all at the same time.

FWIW, best looking overall team in the game.

Oh, come the fuck on; where’s your sense of humor? I’m just saying lets have some reverence for the legends of our sport before we go making these sorts of comparisons.

But more to the point, the contrast between the photos is hilarious. The top photo with the shirtless Guimard and a fucking thumbs-upping Hinault is just so classically rad in the most horrible way that I can’t help but love the fuck out of it.

Its just nice to see a picture of The Badger smiling. Im so used to seeing him mashing the cranks with a 'Fuck The Peloton' look on his lowered angry brow
nobby says:

Jul 30 2015 at 5:37 am

No wonder Rober Millar was terrified of him
wiscot says:

Jul 30 2015 at 7:45 am

@nobby

@frank

@Barracuda

@ChrisO

@frank

@ped

@rfreese888

Is Brailsford the new Guimard? How amazing would it be if he can win a TDF with a 3rd rider like G or a non brit like Landa.

Hard to see any team beating them when they are on song now.

Oh, for fucks sake. Guimard’s legacy is a little more extensive than Brailsford’s. I’m happy for you Brits, but lets not get carried away here.

Let’s end this now

cool

the antithesisa

Plus One badge passes to you. Spot the fuck on.

I honestly fail to see what is so uncool about that.

I see a guy has won his second Tour with some hard and tactical riding on a course designed to give him the least advantage.

I see another guy who – putting historical comparisons aside – is the most successful and intelligent manager currently in cycling.

I see stylish kit, a stylish car and good looking bikes.

None of that stops me questioning some of Sky’s approach and PR, nor do I particularly warm to Froome but seriously, get over the bitterness guys.

I reckon Im with you on this one @ChrisO.

Given the spanning of years its just the natural progression of things and as you said, whats not to like about black Jags, high end Pinarello’s, Rapha and those Kask lids.

Im envious and exhausted all at the same time.

FWIW, best looking overall team in the game.

Oh, come the fuck on; where’s your sense of humor? I’m just saying lets have some reverence for the legends of our sport before we go making these sorts of comparisons.

But more to the point, the contrast between the photos is hilarious. The top photo with the shirtless Guimard and a fucking thumbs-upping Hinault is just so classically rad in the most horrible way that I can’t help but love the fuck out of it.

Its just nice to see a picture of The Badger smiling. Im so used to seeing him mashing the cranks with a ‘Fuck The Peloton’ look on his lowered angry brow

What's also cool is that the Hinault/Guimard pic was taken during the Giro (in 1980 I think) as he was crushing his rivals to win his first Giro. (He'd have won the Tour too if it hadn't been for a knee injury). It was the Giro where Hinault and Bernaudeau won the race with some fine tactical riding over the Stelvio on stage 20 that put Hinault in pink. This pic says "we have it in the bag!"

Contrast Hinault's arms and those of Froome. If you're a striking worker, who are you going to be scared of getting punched by?
frank says:

Jul 30 2015 at 9:17 am

@nobby

Looking for a photo of Hinault and Millar together I cam across this. WANT.
nobby says:

Jul 30 2015 at 9:24 am

OM-fucking-G, that gives me such a trouser tickle. Lemond's OAKLEY'S are just everything to me.