On Rule #41: Garbage Collectors
[rule number=41/]
Look, people. We’re not making this up; we’re mainlining this shit straight from the rivers of Truth flowing down the slopes of Mount Velomis. They draw from the history and culture of the sport, and from good common sense. They make sense, in fact, even if the Keepers don’t necessarily know why at the time of conjuring. Nevertheless, they apply to the weekend warrior as much as they do to a Tour de France Champion.
Television commentators waxed poetic about the garbage bag caught on Froome’s back wheel being symbolic of how this race has thrown everything at him and still he persevered. Well, I’m here to tell you that his litter collection was little more than civic service and had nothing to do with bad luck: it was penance paid for a blatant violation of Rule #41. Full stop.
Obey the Rules and this sort of shit won’t happen.
I once managed to get a plastic bag stuck on the tip of my ski while I was tucking down the Glacier Saddle on Whistler. It sucked.
It’s been too long since an article had a Mt Velomis reference.
Genius and true. Obey the Rules
Just checking. Are our 8-yr old selves going to use “shit” as often as possible instead of “fuck” now, or am I doubly cool using both?
In an attempt to fulfill Rules #2 and #3, last week I responded to a post in a Facebook cycling group where some guy was asking what kind of earbuds to buy for cycling. I quickly cited Rule #62, including imparting the safety benefits of doing so. I was clearly in the minority, but seemed to gain some acceptance among these unclean souls by responding to the allegation that combining a love of music and cycling makes both better, whereby I stated: “I like drinking and driving but have enough sense to know that you do not mix those two activities.”
-VLVV
Fucking crazy, a bike worth more than most of us will ever hope to swing a leg over, by a rider we can only watch and wonder about, during the the largest bike race (and the only one that John Q. Public thinks there is) gets derailed by a .002 cent plastic bag that should be stuck in some friggin sea turtles face.
Several rule violations going on; for us: yes #41.
For all those tards that walked by, stepped over or dropped some of their own shit onto the road and did not pick up their own trash- shame on them. Thats a rule their parents should have taught them. Bend down and pick up your trash.
All this trash talk is making me sick.
Yeah, that’s skewer position is garbage.
@Matt
Fuck an apostrophe.
It would appear that the “araignée affectueux d’ampoule” can’t help but ride ugly.
@DeKerr
I do like his yellow shoes.
I note that the screen cap is from RAI. Is there a rule regarding preference for using an Italian feed when streaming cycling events?
Actual conversation:
Me: “hey, you shouldn’t have your rear quick release facing backwards like that. Someone could run into and and pop your wheel out.”
Other dude: “have you ever seen that happen?”
Me: “just fucking put it the right way.”
@Peddler931
Only for the Giro. L’Equipe for tour.
Well said!!
@Ccos
That’s the common argument. Now you can add, “Are you trying to scrape up road kill with that fucking thing?”
@Peddler931
For the Giro, yes. For the Tour there is so much coverage it isn’t even really a French event anymore, apart from occurring largely in France and being organized – and owned – by Frenchmen. All those things aside, its pretty much a Globally-owned enterprise, so you can watch it on whatever network you want.
@Nate
I’ve long envisioned an animated film of the creation of The Rules on Mount Velomis, but I can’t find an animator who will do that shit for free.
Can I also point out how much the Osymetric chainrings fuck with your chain tension? Froome’s bike looks like a hipster turned his ten-speed into a “fixie” without a chain tensioner.
True. Except that particular hipster just hoisted a silly blue cup at the end of a 23-day vacance en France. It might be hard to argue with that, somewhat.
Dunno, never tried those rings myself. Wonder if they’ll catch on now.
@RM2Ride
Fair enough, but they didn’t catch on after Wiggo and Froome won the Tour before. I rode Q-rings for a bit myself and found them fantastic some days and awful others. 1000 reasons that could be the case but chainring shape seems to be at most the “marginal” in “marginal” gains. You push on the pedals to make your bike go, not the other way around.
All that said, I love Froome’s win this year much more than 2013; he really showed fight in the end and you have to respect that. This was not an Armstrong or Indurain style win. This was a good race.
Not classic or epic. But good. But better than many. And I walk away from it liking Froome the most I’ve ever liked him. Whatever that means.
Fuck, and I like Sagan now, too. And Cav. What’s happened to me?
I was really gunning for Degenkolb there in the end.
Just checked my own setup and I’m good. Exactly per the rules. Whew – breathed a sigh of relief. Offending the velominati would be a bad thing.
@frank
I don’t think he used them on every stage – I could imagine they are pretty awkward when standing going up hill.
Can’t say I *like* Froome as a person – I’m pretty sure a night out with Cav could be pretty wild, but Froomy would be sipping a diet coke in the corner tutting. As a cyclist, he rides ugly but he definitely understands Rule #5.
@frank
and largely won by non Frenchmen much to the chagrin of Frenchmen. Schadenfreude.
@Teocalli
Poor Frenchies. Awwww.
1st post Tour crit, sagan wheelie fail!
http://www.nieuwsblad.be/sportwereld/cnt/dmf20150727_01794242
Maybe after the podium presentation
Like the new slider that has just appeared against the recent posts.
@frank
Odd-shaped chainrings don’t affect chain tension, only location. It seems counter-intuitive but you can set up a singlespeed with an oval ring and have perfect chain tension, and I have.
Don’t they charge the consumer extra for plastic bags in France? Seems like you’d want to hold onto that treasure more closely…
@ped
Wait, Green jersey wins, yellow jersey second, Belgian champ third? That’s amazing – almost as if it was planned that way . . . surely not (rolls eyes).
Is Brailsford the new Guimard? How amazing would it be if he can win a TDF with a 3rd rider like G or a non brit like Landa.
Hard to see any team beating them when they are on song now.
I so wanted Quintana to win but Movistar will have to plan it better and hope Froome has an off tour next year.
@markb
He definitely used them in the mountains; if anything I’d have thought he’d not use them on the flat but per this photo it appears he does. I have understood, however, that the rings are most effective when used intermittently.
@rfreese888
Oh, for fucks sake. Guimard’s legacy is a little more extensive than Brailsford’s. I’m happy for you Brits, but lets not get carried away here.
They would have to plan another unusually hilly route if he’s going to have a chance; and this year, I’d say if there was one more mountain to climb, he’d have won the Tour.
@Ron
Gold!
@Oli
I was wondering about that, but that chain tension looks fucking awful. That’s another demerit for the team mechanic!
(Although the most likely explanation is he’s just going over a bump…)
@Peddler931
Whatever gets you the highest quality picture with the best commentators!
@Teocalli
Thank you sir! I love it when you lot notice those little things!
Let’s end this now
cool
the antithesis
@wiscot
Sooooooooooo cynical, are you trying to replace Jalabert on French tv?
@frank
Yeah, and if there had been another proper TT in the last week (as there should have been) Froome would have taken minutes out of Quintana.
I just can’t warm to CF, but he won it straight – won a stage and defended it brilliantly. NQ will have to get Guimard on his side vis a vis tactics to win. Hated seeing Malmerde on the podium – Nibbles deserved that spot for his stage win and fight back in week 3. Nibbles clearly came in below appropriate strength/fitness. Bertie was cooked and never looked like a serious contender.
So happy for MTN Quebeka – a spot in the dotty jumper and a great stage win by Cummings. Totally justified their selection.
The French have much to optimistic about – 5 riders in the top 20. I really thought Pinot was going to get all whiny and petulant after his crappy first week but came back strongly. Chapeau for that. Barguil and Bardet look very promising.
Two Dutchmen in the top 10 – been a while there for sure.
Happy too for Greipel – 4 wins for a nice guy. Going for stages rather than GC was a smart move for Lotto Soudal
@ped
At the risk of sounding a bit like an alcoholic…my Merckx that beer looks good!
@ped
Plus One badge passes to you. Spot the fuck on.
@frank
Malheur – a beer named sadness +12%,
What would make the fab 4 really interesting is to put them and only them into a two week race. All of them fresh and rested. Allow no drafting. You gotta pull your own ass along the entire route. Then let’s see who is really a bad ass. Would Froome crack like the Chris-tal glass he is? Would Contador go off like quick draw McGraw? Would the shark get eaten? Would Quintana’s facial expression change?
Froome won the Tour, no doubt. Without the Sky train pulling him along, I don’t think he could have. Could he have defended his lead like Contador did in the Giro? Would he have even gotten back up after dislocating his shoulder? Probably not. ..
Not much love for Froomey around here. That’s a great shame, I reckon. I’m not his biggest fan but he rode well, comported himself well in the face of some scurrilous and at times despicable media and “fan” behaviour and, apart from accusing Nibali of attacking when he had a mechanical (he did), he never put a foot wrong. I would even go so far as to say he showed some flashes of panache at several points of the Tour, a Tour I think he fully deserved to win. And until proven otherwise it was a clean win by most accounts, other than the accounts of those searching for the slightest suspicion on which to crucify him.
No one mentions Quitana’s time on the Alp,
pretty dubious company, and it’s a tiny piece of isolated data, but no questions and certainly none of the sort of treatment Froome got.
@frank
I honestly fail to see what is so uncool about that.
I see a guy has won his second Tour with some hard and tactical riding on a course designed to give him the least advantage.
I see another guy who – putting historical comparisons aside – is the most successful and intelligent manager currently in cycling.
I see stylish kit, a stylish car and good looking bikes.
None of that stops me questioning some of Sky’s approach and PR, nor do I particularly warm to Froome but seriously, get over the bitterness guys.
@ChrisO
I reckon Im with you on this one @ChrisO.
Given the spanning of years its just the natural progression of things and as you said, whats not to like about black Jags, high end Pinarello’s, Rapha and those Kask lids.
Im envious and exhausted all at the same time.
FWIW, best looking overall team in the game.
@ped
Chapeau for the Elbow/Hawley reference. I was thinking about Richard Hawley last night; I went to a festival he organised in the Peak District called the Teddy Boy’s Picnic. He’d managed to persuade Norma Waterson and Martin Carthy to play as support, and it was the most magical gig I’d ever been to.
None of this has anything to do with cycling.
@piwakawaka
Out of interest, what was Quintana’s time up there?
@RobSandy
39:23, places him 22nd all time. Pantani 36:50 1,2,3, Armstrong 37:36 4, Ullrich 37:42 5, Indurain 38:14 7, Zulle 38:14 8, Riis 38:16 9,Virenque 38:22 10.