Categories: Rantings from the V-BunkerThe Rules

On Rule #41: Garbage Collectors

Rule #41 Violation forces Tour Champ to swap bikes.

[rule number=41/]

Look, people. We’re not making this up; we’re mainlining this shit straight from the rivers of Truth flowing down the slopes of Mount Velomis. They draw from the history and culture of the sport, and from good common sense. They make sense, in fact, even if the Keepers don’t necessarily know why at the time of conjuring. Nevertheless, they apply to the weekend warrior as much as they do to a Tour de France Champion.

Television commentators waxed poetic about the garbage bag caught on Froome’s back wheel being symbolic of how this race has thrown everything at him and still he persevered. Well, I’m here to tell you that his litter collection was little more than civic service and had nothing to do with bad luck: it was penance paid for a blatant violation of Rule #41. Full stop.

Obey the Rules and this sort of shit won’t happen.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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RVester says:

Jul 29 2015 at 6:21 am

@wiscot

I'm getting tired of the notion that Froom could've/would've/should've won the 2012 Tour. He didn't. Because not only did Team Sky think Bradley Wiggins was the stronger rider, Bradley himself showed that in each ITT.

Did Froome show he was faster at certain points in the race? He did. Big deal. Froome wasn't the strongest every leg in the 2015 Tour either. Yet he was the strongest rider overall and he deservedly won. As did Wiggins in 2012.
Paul says:

Jul 29 2015 at 9:24 am

@markb

@frank

@RM2Ride

True. Except that particular hipster just hoisted a silly blue cup at the end of a 23-day vacance en France. It might be hard to argue with that, somewhat.

Dunno, never tried those rings myself. Wonder if they’ll catch on now.

Fair enough, but they didn’t catch on after Wiggo and Froome won the Tour before. I rode Q-rings for a bit myself and found them fantastic some days and awful others. 1000 reasons that could be the case but chainring shape seems to be at most the “marginal” in “marginal” gains. You push on the pedals to make your bike go, not the other way around.

All that said, I love Froome’s win this year much more than 2013; he really showed fight in the end and you have to respect that. This was not an Armstrong or Indurain style win. This was a good race.

Not classic or epic. But good. But better than many. And I walk away from it liking Froome the most I’ve ever liked him. Whatever that means.

Fuck, and I like Sagan now, too. And Cav. What’s happened to me?

I was really gunning for Degenkolb there in the end.

I don’t think he used them on every stage – I could imagine they are pretty awkward when standing going up hill.

Can’t say I *like* Froome as a person – I’m pretty sure a night out with Cav could be pretty wild, but Froomy would be sipping a diet coke in the corner tutting. As a cyclist, he rides ugly but he definitely understands Rule #5.

@frank

@RM2Ride

True. Except that particular hipster just hoisted a silly blue cup at the end of a 23-day vacance en France. It might be hard to argue with that, somewhat.

Dunno, never tried those rings myself. Wonder if they’ll catch on now.

Fair enough, but they didn’t catch on after Wiggo and Froome won the Tour before. I rode Q-rings for a bit myself and found them fantastic some days and awful others. 1000 reasons that could be the case but chainring shape seems to be at most the “marginal” in “marginal” gains. You push on the pedals to make your bike go, not the other way around.

All that said, I love Froome’s win this year much more than 2013; he really showed fight in the end and you have to respect that. This was not an Armstrong or Indurain style win. This was a good race.

Hold on, don't we all agree on this site that Pharmstrong never won the Tour?
ped says:

Jul 29 2015 at 12:21 pm

Guimard vs Brailsford be done

Passed today, another great DS

Il professore, Giorgio Albani
1860 says:

Jul 29 2015 at 12:44 pm

@nobby

See, the thing is, my forks won’t allow the correct application of #41, so do I buy a new bike?

Or, by NOT buying a new bike, am I in direct contravention of #12?

Am I proper fucked either way?

Yes I confirm you are fucked! (obvious-man at work again)....
wis says:

Jul 29 2015 at 12:56 pm

I see your Brailsford and raise you a Raphael Geminiani. Not one for the "marginal gains" school. More of the "big bloody chunks" ecole.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapha%C3%ABl_G%C3%A9miniani
Matt says:

Jul 29 2015 at 2:19 pm

@Mike C

Would Quintana’s facial expression change?

No.
frank says:

Jul 29 2015 at 3:04 pm

@wiscot

@frank

@rfreese888

Is Brailsford the new Guimard? How amazing would it be if he can win a TDF with a 3rd rider like G or a non brit like Landa.

Hard to see any team beating them when they are on song now.

Oh, for fucks sake. Guimard’s legacy is a little more extensive than Brailsford’s. I’m happy for you Brits, but lets not get carried away here.

I so wanted Quintana to win but Movistar will have to plan it better and hope Froome has an off tour next year.

They would have to plan another unusually hilly route if he’s going to have a chance; and this year, I’d say if there was one more mountain to climb, he’d have won the Tour.

Yeah, and if there had been another proper TT in the last week (as there should have been) Froome would have taken minutes out of Quintana.

Exactly, it won't be soon that they design another Tour like this, although it was the best one for ages.

I just can’t warm to CF, but he won it straight – won a stage and defended it brilliantly. NQ will have to get Guimard on his side vis a vis tactics to win. Hated seeing Malmerde on the podium – Nibbles deserved that spot for his stage win and fight back in week 3. Nibbles clearly came in below appropriate strength/fitness. Bertie was cooked and never looked like a serious contender.

I loved Nibbles' fight and that's why I love him so much (and am so disappointed he's at Astana - the only redeeming note from that is that obviously he and Vino hate each other). His flat on l'Alpe was such horrible luck.

Piti is such a problem for so many reasons, but the man looks beautiful on a bike and can lay down some power. I find myself inexplicably rooting for him, like when he attacked Finger Guns on the stage Cummings won.

So happy for MTN Quebeka – a spot in the dotty jumper and a great stage win by Cummings. Totally justified their selection.

I'm quite in love with South Africa; if I was going to move away from Seattle it would be Cape Town. Massive props to that team for sure, although they could stand to have a prettier kit and I'd love it if they did a more classic National Champion's jersey.

The French have much to optimistic about – 5 riders in the top 20. I really thought Pinot was going to get all whiny and petulant after his crappy first week but came back strongly. Chapeau for that. Barguil and Bardet look very promising.

Indeed - Pino stepped up a few rungs in my estimation - and another rider who looks beautiful on a bike. Now if he'd just switch to a team that used black shorts.

Two Dutchmen in the top 10 – been a while there for sure.

Fuck yeah.

Happy too for Greipel – 4 wins for a nice guy. Going for stages rather than GC was a smart move for Lotto Soudal
frank says:

Jul 29 2015 at 3:06 pm

@Paul

No, we just agree he's a cunt.
frank says:

Jul 29 2015 at 3:11 pm

@wiscot

Hinault and Guimard were a killer combo in their day. Froome and Brailsford are a killer combo right now, but the sport has changed so much in the 30+ years that separates those photos that the comparison is unfair. Froome is very good, but he’s no Hinault in any way, shape or form.

Froome handled himself very well – the abuse from fans and media was/is unwarranted. This wasn’t his first rodeo – one tour in the bag already, a 2nd in the Vuelta in 2011 (which he should have won but didn’t as he was working for Wiggo and could/should have beaten Cobo (where’s he now FFS?), and a 2nd in the Tour in 2012 to Wiggins. So let’s recap, if CF had been given free reign over the past 4 years, we could be looking at a 3 time Tour champ and one-time Vuelta winner. He’s been tested and tested and tested and not on scintilla of impropriety.

Yeah, Sky have good gear, but the proper cycling cap Froomie wears looks shit. They need to contact whomever does the Etixx caps.

Finally at the end you're making some real sense!
frank says:

Jul 29 2015 at 3:17 pm

@Barracuda

@ChrisO

@frank

@ped

@rfreese888

Is Brailsford the new Guimard? How amazing would it be if he can win a TDF with a 3rd rider like G or a non brit like Landa.

Hard to see any team beating them when they are on song now.

Oh, for fucks sake. Guimard’s legacy is a little more extensive than Brailsford’s. I’m happy for you Brits, but lets not get carried away here.

Let’s end this now

cool

the antithesisa

Plus One badge passes to you. Spot the fuck on.

I honestly fail to see what is so uncool about that.

I see a guy has won his second Tour with some hard and tactical riding on a course designed to give him the least advantage.

I see another guy who – putting historical comparisons aside – is the most successful and intelligent manager currently in cycling.

I see stylish kit, a stylish car and good looking bikes.

None of that stops me questioning some of Sky’s approach and PR, nor do I particularly warm to Froome but seriously, get over the bitterness guys.

I reckon Im with you on this one @ChrisO.

Given the spanning of years its just the natural progression of things and as you said, whats not to like about black Jags, high end Pinarello’s, Rapha and those Kask lids.

Im envious and exhausted all at the same time.

FWIW, best looking overall team in the game.

Oh, come the fuck on; where's your sense of humor? I'm just saying lets have some reverence for the legends of our sport before we go making these sorts of comparisons.

But more to the point, the contrast between the photos is hilarious. The top photo with the shirtless Guimard and a fucking thumbs-upping Hinault is just so classically rad in the most horrible way that I can't help but love the fuck out of it.