Categories: Anatomy of a PhotoThe HardmenThe Rules

On Rule #49: Keep the Rubber Side Down

Sure, turn that thing upside down. (I said it ironically, so it's not bad luck.)

Gobbles already violated Rule #95 this year when he became the first rider to celebrate winning a Monument by lifting his bike over his head as if he were some kind of savage; not a Belgian road Cyclist, the most civilized of the Cycling Breed.

But Rule #49 is another matter altogether. It astounds me whenever I see a bicycle helplessly turned upon its handlebars and saddle while the pilot optimistically leverages every muscle in their face to inspect the vehicle for evidence of its mysterious ailment. (Surprise ending: It’s the rider, not the machine.)

We, the Velominati, we see the Cycling world through a different lens. We see Cycling through the rose-colored lense of our passion and our reverence for the history, culture, and etiquette of our sport.

Hence, I find myself in disbelief to find none other than The Prophet himself, cluelessly riding alongside his team car in 1976 with a spare bike on its roof inexplicably turned upside down. This was the Year of My Birth; I feel a little bit sullied knowing that such an atrocity occurred while I was in gestation. (It also might explain a few things about my temperament.)

It just so happens that 1976 was the year in which Merckx began his irrevocable slide towards retirement; perhaps his failure to spot the upturned steed was an early sign that the fire in his breath was starting to temper.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

KogaLover says:

Jun 1 2017 at 2:16 am

Speaking about Jan Janssen...
KogaLover says:

Jun 1 2017 at 2:24 am

@the Engine

Umm – caption didn’t appear on the above.

Anyway – point is what about the scenario in the picture?

I avoided the Rule #49 violation but broke a bunch of others (which you’ll all be delighted to list).

Will I burn in the deepest pit of hell being sodomised by Pharmstrong for eternity or are there mitigating factors to be taken into account?

Could one of the more obvious violations be that your saddle is not horizontal?
ErikdR says:

Jun 1 2017 at 2:32 am

@KogaLover

@ErikdR

hi Erik, I was reading a book from a Dutch author, Wilfried de Jong (De man en zijn fiets, or the man and his bike) where somewhere he mentioned having met Jan Janssen who had a way of keeping his rear wheel between his legs and then sway the bike/frame over it in such a way that he kept his hands clean, ie without touching the chain. Yeah, I’d like to see that move!!! That’s the gif I will put on my social media…

Hey there K.L. Sounds interesting - and I can actually almost see what he might be on about. Never tried it myself, but keeping a rear wheel fixed with one's own two legs and then sort of bringing the bike back towards oneself... Could be. And I can even imagine developing just the right 'slight-of-hand' to make the chain sway sideways at exactly the right moment/amount to make it past the cassette.

I'm always amazed - and hugely impressed - by how quickly pro mechanics can fit a new rear wheel into a road bike during races. They do seem to mess it up occasionally, but most of the time there's Formula 1 grade expertise on display.

OK - back to work - and to quietly rejoicing over Tom D's masterful work in the Giro. Dare we dream of (even more) good times ahead for Dutch cycling?
RobSandy says:

Jun 1 2017 at 3:27 am

@ErikdR

@KogaLover

@ErikdR

hi Erik, I was reading a book from a Dutch author, Wilfried de Jong (De man en zijn fiets, or the man and his bike) where somewhere he mentioned having met Jan Janssen who had a way of keeping his rear wheel between his legs and then sway the bike/frame over it in such a way that he kept his hands clean, ie without touching the chain. Yeah, I’d like to see that move!!! That’s the gif I will put on my social media…

Hey there K.L. Sounds interesting – and I can actually almost see what he might be on about. Never tried it myself, but keeping a rear wheel fixed with one’s own two legs and then sort of bringing the bike back towards oneself… Could be. And I can even imagine developing just the right ‘slight-of-hand’ to make the chain sway sideways at exactly the right moment/amount to make it past the cassette.

If you can't get the chain to sway, the way to do it and keep your hands clean is to push the rear mech down to slacken the chain, then slot the wheel in. Never touch the chain.
RobSandy says:

Jun 1 2017 at 3:28 am

@KogaLover

@the Engine

Umm – caption didn’t appear on the above.

Anyway – point is what about the scenario in the picture?

I avoided the Rule #49 violation but broke a bunch of others (which you’ll all be delighted to list).

Will I burn in the deepest pit of hell being sodomised by Pharmstrong for eternity or are there mitigating factors to be taken into account?

Could one of the more obvious violations be that your saddle is not horizontal?

The top tube slopes upwards to I'm sure when the wheel is in the saddle would be perfectly level. @the Engine isn't a savage...
Phillip Mercer says:

Jun 1 2017 at 4:40 am

@the Engine

What the hell is under that saddle?
Le Col says:

Jun 1 2017 at 4:43 am

Volvo...
Teocalli says:

Jun 1 2017 at 4:51 am

@Phillip Mercer

@the Engine

What the hell is under that saddle?

I suspect that was a wee bit more than a 4 Hr ride...........
KogaLover says:

Jun 1 2017 at 4:56 am

@RobSandy

If you can’t get the chain to sway, the way to do it and keep your hands clean is to push the rear mech down to slacken the chain, then slot the wheel in. Never touch the chain.

Already do that but there's still some greasy dirt cropping up in the cages. Which messes with my clean white bartape. Which I do not like. So if anyone can figure out how Janssen does it, I'd be keen to emulate the pros!
the Engine says:

Jun 1 2017 at 5:09 am

@Teocalli

Three days and 36 hours on the road - including a long walk