Categories: Anatomy of a PhotoThe HardmenThe Rules

On Rule #49: Keep the Rubber Side Down

Sure, turn that thing upside down. (I said it ironically, so it's not bad luck.)

Gobbles already violated Rule #95 this year when he became the first rider to celebrate winning a Monument by lifting his bike over his head as if he were some kind of savage; not a Belgian road Cyclist, the most civilized of the Cycling Breed.

But Rule #49 is another matter altogether. It astounds me whenever I see a bicycle helplessly turned upon its handlebars and saddle while the pilot optimistically leverages every muscle in their face to inspect the vehicle for evidence of its mysterious ailment. (Surprise ending: It’s the rider, not the machine.)

We, the Velominati, we see the Cycling world through a different lens. We see Cycling through the rose-colored lense of our passion and our reverence for the history, culture, and etiquette of our sport.

Hence, I find myself in disbelief to find none other than The Prophet himself, cluelessly riding alongside his team car in 1976 with a spare bike on its roof inexplicably turned upside down. This was the Year of My Birth; I feel a little bit sullied knowing that such an atrocity occurred while I was in gestation. (It also might explain a few things about my temperament.)

It just so happens that 1976 was the year in which Merckx began his irrevocable slide towards retirement; perhaps his failure to spot the upturned steed was an early sign that the fire in his breath was starting to temper.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

RobSandy says:

Jun 1 2017 at 5:12 am

@KogaLover

@RobSandy

If you can’t get the chain to sway, the way to do it and keep your hands clean is to push the rear mech down to slacken the chain, then slot the wheel in. Never touch the chain.

Already do that but there’s still some greasy dirt cropping up in the cages. Which messes with my clean white bartape. Which I do not like. So if anyone can figure out how Janssen does it, I’d be keen to emulate the pros!

Keep your cages clean.
wiscot says:

Jun 1 2017 at 5:46 am

@KogaLover

Speaking about Jan Janssen…

Yeah, I watched the vid. Janssen and Zoetemelk were both there. Classy move all around! (BTW, that's Joop next to Tom.)
wiscot says:

Jun 1 2017 at 5:49 am

@ErikdR

@KogaLover

@ErikdR

hi Erik, I was reading a book from a Dutch author, Wilfried de Jong (De man en zijn fiets, or the man and his bike) where somewhere he mentioned having met Jan Janssen who had a way of keeping his rear wheel between his legs and then sway the bike/frame over it in such a way that he kept his hands clean, ie without touching the chain. Yeah, I’d like to see that move!!! That’s the gif I will put on my social media…

Hey there K.L. Sounds interesting – and I can actually almost see what he might be on about. Never tried it myself, but keeping a rear wheel fixed with one’s own two legs and then sort of bringing the bike back towards oneself… Could be. And I can even imagine developing just the right ‘slight-of-hand’ to make the chain sway sideways at exactly the right moment/amount to make it past the cassette.

I’m always amazed – and hugely impressed – by how quickly pro mechanics can fit a new rear wheel into a road bike during races. They do seem to mess it up occasionally, but most of the time there’s Formula 1 grade expertise on display.

OK – back to work – and to quietly rejoicing over Tom D’s masterful work in the Giro. Dare we dream of (even more) good times ahead for Dutch cycling?

Funny you should say that. I've always been amazed at how poorly a lot of bike mechanics swap out wheels. I know the F1 teams practice like crazy to save just a few seconds on a pit stop., You'd think each year, pro team mechanics would go through some boot camp of switching out wheels. It should involve riders too - as it would certainly speed up the whole process if the rider, upon stopping for, say, a puncture, dropped the chain onto the smallest cog.
KogaLover says:

Jun 1 2017 at 5:49 am

@RobSandy

@KogaLover

@RobSandy

If you can’t get the chain to sway, the way to do it and keep your hands clean is to push the rear mech down to slacken the chain, then slot the wheel in. Never touch the chain.

Already do that but there’s still some greasy dirt cropping up in the cages. Which messes with my clean white bartape. Which I do not like. So if anyone can figure out how Janssen does it, I’d be keen to emulate the pros!

Keep your cages clean.

Which means I must stop riding?
ErikdR says:

Jun 1 2017 at 6:09 am

@wiscot

Ha! You may well have exposed me as one who watches wáy too little pro cycling nowadays. (I try to convince myself that it's because I'm 'too busy').

I don't have much (or any) evidence to support my claim - other than the fact that I have seen (or at least: I seem to remember having seen) pro mechanics switching rear wheels - and sending riders on their merry way again with a frantic push - in a matter of seconds. Conversely, I myself have been known, after puncture repairs, to fiddle with my rear wheel for what felt like minutes (and still not get it quite right sometimes, as I would discover upon re-mounting the bike). Maybe I'm just setting the bar pretty low.

Good point about dropping the chain to the smallest cog, by the way. In fact, I would have expected pro riders ALWAYS to do that? (Even I am usually smart enough, once I've become aware of a rear puncture, to push the shifter for the rear mech all the way forward before dismounting...)
ErikdR says:

Jun 1 2017 at 6:34 am

@wiscot

@KogaLover

Speaking about Jan Janssen…

Yeah, I watched the vid. Janssen and Zoetemelk were both there. Classy move all around! (BTW, that’s Joop next to Tom.)

That's an interesting picture. As a devote follower of Zoetemelk's career, I can say that I have never seen Joop look so ecstatically happy in any photograph - not even those that document his own TdF win in 1980.

As Krabbé said: few have taken the job of being a professional cyclist more seriously than Joop Zoetemelk.
KogaLover says:

Jun 1 2017 at 7:22 am

@ErikdR

As Krabbé said: few have taken the job of being a professional cyclist more seriously than Joop Zoetemelk.

And wasn't it until his 38th that he finally earned to wear the rainbowjersey? I can still remember the thrills in 1985from when I was young eventhough I wasn't into cycling yet.

And on the TdF: other riders have had more than 16 starts, but none has yet matched Zoetemelk's record of actually completing the event 16 times.
ErikdR says:

Jun 1 2017 at 7:58 am

@KogaLover

Yes, yes, goodness yes - I'll never forget that as long as I live. 1985. 38 years old (Not me; Joop. I was 27 at the time). Thirty-eight! A strong field including Greg LeMond, Moreno Argentin, Stephen Roche... Joop sneaking off on the left side of the road, out-foxing the lot of 'em - and Mart Smeets, the Dutch sports commentator, utterly losing his shit. Good times. (I must have been peeling a lot of onions at the time, because there was a very distinct trace of salty liquid in the corners of my eyes when Joop crossed the line that day...)
wiscot says:

Jun 1 2017 at 9:26 am

@ErikdR

@KogaLover

Yes, yes, goodness yes – I’ll never forget that as long as I live. 1985. 38 years old (Not me; Joop. I was 27 at the time). Thirty-eight! A strong field including Greg LeMond, Moreno Argentin, Stephen Roche… Joop sneaking off on the left side of the road, out-foxing the lot of ’em – and Mart Smeets, the Dutch sports commentator, utterly losing his shit. Good times. (I must have been peeling a lot of onions at the time, because there was a very distinct trace of salty liquid in the corners of my eyes when Joop crossed the line that day…)

Totally class move inviting Zoetemelk and Janssen to the shindig. Joop's WC was an awesome win - as was his compatriot Gerrie Knetemann's win in the 1985 Amstel Gold race. I was apparently peeling onions during the latter race . . . . Knetemann was also world champ in 1978. Both Knetemann and Zoetemelk rode for TI-Raleigh too.
ErikdR says:

Jun 1 2017 at 9:40 am

@wiscot

@ErikdR

@KogaLover

Yes, yes, goodness yes – I’ll never forget that as long as I live. 1985. 38 years old (Not me; Joop. I was 27 at the time). Thirty-eight! A strong field including Greg LeMond, Moreno Argentin, Stephen Roche… Joop sneaking off on the left side of the road, out-foxing the lot of ’em – and Mart Smeets, the Dutch sports commentator, utterly losing his shit. Good times. (I must have been peeling a lot of onions at the time, because there was a very distinct trace of salty liquid in the corners of my eyes when Joop crossed the line that day…)

Totally class move inviting Zoetemelk and Janssen to the shindig. Joop’s WC was an awesome win – as was his compatriot Gerrie Knetemann’s win in the 1985 Amstel Gold race. I was apparently peeling onions during the latter race . . . . Knetemann was also world champ in 1978. Both Knetemann and Zoetemelk rode for TI-Raleigh too.

Re Knetemann's Gold Race: Yep - that was another memorable victory. And that time, it wasn't so much the reporter(s), but Knetemann himself who cried his eyes out, if I remember correctly?