Categories: Anatomy of a PhotoThe HardmenThe Rules

On Rule #49: Keep the Rubber Side Down

Sure, turn that thing upside down. (I said it ironically, so it's not bad luck.)

Gobbles already violated Rule #95 this year when he became the first rider to celebrate winning a Monument by lifting his bike over his head as if he were some kind of savage; not a Belgian road Cyclist, the most civilized of the Cycling Breed.

But Rule #49 is another matter altogether. It astounds me whenever I see a bicycle helplessly turned upon its handlebars and saddle while the pilot optimistically leverages every muscle in their face to inspect the vehicle for evidence of its mysterious ailment. (Surprise ending: It’s the rider, not the machine.)

We, the Velominati, we see the Cycling world through a different lens. We see Cycling through the rose-colored lense of our passion and our reverence for the history, culture, and etiquette of our sport.

Hence, I find myself in disbelief to find none other than The Prophet himself, cluelessly riding alongside his team car in 1976 with a spare bike on its roof inexplicably turned upside down. This was the Year of My Birth; I feel a little bit sullied knowing that such an atrocity occurred while I was in gestation. (It also might explain a few things about my temperament.)

It just so happens that 1976 was the year in which Merckx began his irrevocable slide towards retirement; perhaps his failure to spot the upturned steed was an early sign that the fire in his breath was starting to temper.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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wiscot says:

Jun 1 2017 at 10:35 am

@ErikdR

@wiscot

@ErikdR

@KogaLover

Yes, yes, goodness yes – I’ll never forget that as long as I live. 1985. 38 years old (Not me; Joop. I was 27 at the time). Thirty-eight! A strong field including Greg LeMond, Moreno Argentin, Stephen Roche… Joop sneaking off on the left side of the road, out-foxing the lot of ’em – and Mart Smeets, the Dutch sports commentator, utterly losing his shit. Good times. (I must have been peeling a lot of onions at the time, because there was a very distinct trace of salty liquid in the corners of my eyes when Joop crossed the line that day…)

Totally class move inviting Zoetemelk and Janssen to the shindig. Joop’s WC was an awesome win – as was his compatriot Gerrie Knetemann’s win in the 1985 Amstel Gold race. I was apparently peeling onions during the latter race . . . . Knetemann was also world champ in 1978. Both Knetemann and Zoetemelk rode for TI-Raleigh too.

Re Knetemann’s Gold Race: Yep – that was another memorable victory. And that time, it wasn’t so much the reporter(s), but Knetemann himself who cried his eyes out, if I remember correctly?

Yes indeed. He was very much at the tail end of his career and riding for Skil-Sem. The weather was appallingly wet and rainy and Knetemann needed his gl;asses to see.

Some Gerrie goodness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKe6fwdN0NQ

Some Joop goodness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atjxVhNfmw0
ChrisO says:

Jun 1 2017 at 12:02 pm

@ErikdR

But seriously – as @Philip Mercer says: lay her gently down on the grass (or, even more gently, on pavement, if that cannot be avoided) with the drive side up. (I must admit at this point that it can be quite a challenge for someone as clumsy as yours truly, to successfully re-insert the rear wheel ‘with one hand’ while only having the other hand available to steady the machine. Front wheel = never a problem.) Clever tips, anyone?

I use my left shoulder to brace the saddle and lift the bike up and I have the wheel upright between my legs.

It leaves my left hand to hold the rear stay and bring it back and over the cassette and the right hand to push the rear mech down.

Then you just bring the frame down and release the mech and it sort of slots in.

I think... it's one of those things I just sort of do. I certainly don't touch the chain - there's often a bit of grease on the cage but it's not much and just on thumb and forefinger usually.
frank says:

Jun 1 2017 at 12:06 pm

@RobSandy

I’m just going to say that this is one where I observe the Masturbation Principle. Sure, it might happen, once in a while. But I’m not going to brag about it and I’m sure as hell not going to do it with anyone watching.

But I love the conjecture that the upside down bike so close to the Prophet’s mighty presence somehow sucked the V away.

And its for sure his bike too - not a lowly teammates' - the bar tape is white, whereas his teammates had blue tape such as on the one sitting on the car's boot.
frank says:

Jun 1 2017 at 12:10 pm

@the Engine

THE. FUCK.

We're way past the masturbation principle on that EPMS, my friend.

@ErikdR

Every time I take my 9,5 kilogram carbon road bike out for a spin, I pack a 6,5 kg Park work stand and a 2 kg toolbox into a specially sewn, tubular canvas casing, sling it over my shoulder and bring that along for the ride. Problem solved.

But seriously – as @Philip Mercer says: lay her gently down on the grass (or, even more gently, on pavement, if that cannot be avoided) with the drive side up. (I must admit at this point that it can be quite a challenge for someone as clumsy as yours truly, to successfully re-insert the rear wheel ‘with one hand’ while only having the other hand available to steady the machine. Front wheel = never a problem.) Clever tips, anyone?

Yes, lay 'er down drive side up, resting on skewers, bar, and saddle edge. No frame paint ever touches the ground.

Then just get used to snapping the wheel in under the chain, and into the frame. Doesn't have to go in fully on the first try, once the wheel is close to the dropouts, you can let go of the frame and use both hands to slide it into place.
ErikdR says:

Jun 1 2017 at 12:10 pm

@wiscot

Have just watched those two videos. Fantastic stuff. Cheers!
frank says:

Jun 1 2017 at 12:12 pm

@KogaLover

Speaking about Jan Janssen…

Always so classy.
ErikdR says:

Jun 1 2017 at 12:25 pm

@ChrisO

@ErikdR

But seriously – as @Philip Mercer says: lay her gently down on the grass (or, even more gently, on pavement, if that cannot be avoided) with the drive side up. (I must admit at this point that it can be quite a challenge for someone as clumsy as yours truly, to successfully re-insert the rear wheel ‘with one hand’ while only having the other hand available to steady the machine. Front wheel = never a problem.) Clever tips, anyone?

I use my left shoulder to brace the saddle and lift the bike up and I have the wheel upright between my legs.

It leaves my left hand to hold the rear stay and bring it back and over the cassette and the right hand to push the rear mech down.

Then you just bring the frame down and release the mech and it sort of slots in.

I think… it’s one of those things I just sort of do. I certainly don’t touch the chain – there’s often a bit of grease on the cage but it’s not much and just on thumb and forefinger usually.

Cheers. I'll certainly give the shoulder-bracing trick that you describe a try, and experiment (read: muck about) with things until I can make it work. Like so many other things, it'll probably require some practice.
KogaLover says:

Jun 1 2017 at 1:02 pm

Once you managed to make it work, can you use your right shoulder to sport a camera to record it and then put it on here,

Reminds me that while ago @frank wrote an article about how to jump onto a cyclocross saddle. We need such detailed description in this case too. Or I will ask GCN to show it.
litvi says:

Jun 1 2017 at 1:27 pm

@frank

@KogaLover

Speaking about Jan Janssen…

Always so classy.

And he still has the same glaring look! Is he just a deeply pensive guy in general, or do the ill-fitting clothes on everyone around him get on his last goddamn nerve?
ErikdR says:

Jun 1 2017 at 1:38 pm

@KogaLover

Once you managed to make it work, can you use your right shoulder to sport a camera to record it and then put it on here,

Reminds me that while ago @frank wrote an article about how to jump onto a cyclocross saddle. We need such detailed description in this case too. Or I will ask GCN to show it.

Like this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pnbJ64zvME