Categories: Anatomy of a PhotoThe HardmenThe Rules

On Rule #49: Keep the Rubber Side Down

Sure, turn that thing upside down. (I said it ironically, so it's not bad luck.)

Gobbles already violated Rule #95 this year when he became the first rider to celebrate winning a Monument by lifting his bike over his head as if he were some kind of savage; not a Belgian road Cyclist, the most civilized of the Cycling Breed.

But Rule #49 is another matter altogether. It astounds me whenever I see a bicycle helplessly turned upon its handlebars and saddle while the pilot optimistically leverages every muscle in their face to inspect the vehicle for evidence of its mysterious ailment. (Surprise ending: It’s the rider, not the machine.)

We, the Velominati, we see the Cycling world through a different lens. We see Cycling through the rose-colored lense of our passion and our reverence for the history, culture, and etiquette of our sport.

Hence, I find myself in disbelief to find none other than The Prophet himself, cluelessly riding alongside his team car in 1976 with a spare bike on its roof inexplicably turned upside down. This was the Year of My Birth; I feel a little bit sullied knowing that such an atrocity occurred while I was in gestation. (It also might explain a few things about my temperament.)

It just so happens that 1976 was the year in which Merckx began his irrevocable slide towards retirement; perhaps his failure to spot the upturned steed was an early sign that the fire in his breath was starting to temper.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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ChrisO says:

Jun 1 2017 at 1:53 pm

@ErikdR

@KogaLover

Once you managed to make it work, can you use your right shoulder to sport a camera to record it and then put it on here,

Reminds me that while ago @frank wrote an article about how to jump onto a cyclocross saddle. We need such detailed description in this case too. Or I will ask GCN to show it.

Like this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pnbJ64zvME

Yeah that's sort of what I do, except from behind and take the frame weight on my shoulder.
MangoDave says:

Jun 1 2017 at 4:30 pm

@ChrisO

@ErikdR

But seriously – as @Philip Mercer says: lay her gently down on the grass (or, even more gently, on pavement, if that cannot be avoided) with the drive side up. (I must admit at this point that it can be quite a challenge for someone as clumsy as yours truly, to successfully re-insert the rear wheel ‘with one hand’ while only having the other hand available to steady the machine. Front wheel = never a problem.) Clever tips, anyone?

I use my left shoulder to brace the saddle and lift the bike up and I have the wheel upright between my legs.

It leaves my left hand to hold the rear stay and bring it back and over the cassette and the right hand to push the rear mech down.

I do the same thing. Except, being left handed, I put the saddle over my right shoulder, hold the wheel in the left hand, seat stay in the right hand. Works just fine. Well, unless it's my MTB with disc brakes. Then there is much more fumbling and swearing trying to get things lined up.
frank says:

Jun 1 2017 at 9:16 pm

@MangoDave

@ChrisO

@ErikdR

But seriously – as @Philip Mercer says: lay her gently down on the grass (or, even more gently, on pavement, if that cannot be avoided) with the drive side up. (I must admit at this point that it can be quite a challenge for someone as clumsy as yours truly, to successfully re-insert the rear wheel ‘with one hand’ while only having the other hand available to steady the machine. Front wheel = never a problem.) Clever tips, anyone?

I use my left shoulder to brace the saddle and lift the bike up and I have the wheel upright between my legs.

It leaves my left hand to hold the rear stay and bring it back and over the cassette and the right hand to push the rear mech down.

I do the same thing. Except, being left handed, I put the saddle over my right shoulder, hold the wheel in the left hand, seat stay in the right hand. Works just fine. Well, unless it’s my MTB with disc brakes. Then there is much more fumbling and swearing trying to get things lined up.

Come to think of it, I've done this so many times I have no idea how I do it. Will investigate and report back. Feels strangely like explaining how to hold a pencil.
frank says:

Jun 1 2017 at 9:17 pm

@litvi

@frank

@KogaLover

Speaking about Jan Janssen…

Always so classy.

And he still has the same glaring look! Is he just a deeply pensive guy in general, or do the ill-fitting clothes on everyone around him get on his last goddamn nerve?

He's Dutch. Everyone around him gets on his goddamned nerves irrespective of the reason, il-fitting clothes or otherwise.
Ccos says:

Jun 1 2017 at 9:41 pm

@frank

@MangoDave

@ChrisO

@ErikdR

But seriously – as @Philip Mercer says: lay her gently down on the grass (or, even more gently, on pavement, if that cannot be avoided) with the drive side up. (I must admit at this point that it can be quite a challenge for someone as clumsy as yours truly, to successfully re-insert the rear wheel ‘with one hand’ while only having the other hand available to steady the machine. Front wheel = never a problem.) Clever tips, anyone?

I use my left shoulder to brace the saddle and lift the bike up and I have the wheel upright between my legs.

It leaves my left hand to hold the rear stay and bring it back and over the cassette and the right hand to push the rear mech down.

I do the same thing. Except, being left handed, I put the saddle over my right shoulder, hold the wheel in the left hand, seat stay in the right hand. Works just fine. Well, unless it’s my MTB with disc brakes. Then there is much more fumbling and swearing trying to get things lined up.

Come to think of it, I’ve done this so many times I have no idea how I do it. Will investigate and report back. Feels strangely like explaining how to hold a pencil.

I keep Menchov's 2009 Giro mechanic on retainer. Whenever I flat, that bugger hops out of a waiting car and changes out my wheel in 4 seconds (or at least that's who I channel when I'm doing it myself).
KogaLover says:

Jun 2 2017 at 12:25 am

@ErikdR

Correction: Or I will ask ErikdR to show it.

As you know all Koga's have this small chain hanger on the inside of the right rear stay and maybe I should stop using that. Will try!
RobSandy says:

Jun 2 2017 at 1:27 am

@frank

@litvi

@frank

@KogaLover

Speaking about Jan Janssen…

Always so classy.

And he still has the same glaring look! Is he just a deeply pensive guy in general, or do the ill-fitting clothes on everyone around him get on his last goddamn nerve?

He’s Dutch. Everyone around him gets on his goddamned nerves irrespective of the reason, il-fitting clothes or otherwise.

Bond villain with bike.
frank says:

Jun 2 2017 at 9:45 am

@ErikdR

@KogaLover

Yes, yes, goodness yes – I’ll never forget that as long as I live. 1985. 38 years old (Not me; Joop. I was 27 at the time). Thirty-eight! A strong field including Greg LeMond, Moreno Argentin, Stephen Roche… Joop sneaking off on the left side of the road, out-foxing the lot of ’em – and Mart Smeets, the Dutch sports commentator, utterly losing his shit. Good times. (I must have been peeling a lot of onions at the time, because there was a very distinct trace of salty liquid in the corners of my eyes when Joop crossed the line that day…)

Magic. Nah, lads. Let that orange jersey go up the road. That cat's too old to be dangerous.
frank says:

Jun 2 2017 at 9:46 am

@litvi

@frank

@KogaLover

Speaking about Jan Janssen…

Always so classy.

And he still has the same glaring look! Is he just a deeply pensive guy in general, or do the ill-fitting clothes on everyone around him get on his last goddamn nerve?

I think he's pissed at Dumoulin for wearing the pink jersey with jeans. Not least, for wearing that oversized belt buckle...
Rick says:

Jun 2 2017 at 10:22 am

@frank

@litvi

@frank

@KogaLover

Speaking about Jan Janssen…

Always so classy.

And he still has the same glaring look! Is he just a deeply pensive guy in general, or do the ill-fitting clothes on everyone around him get on his last goddamn nerve?

I think he’s pissed at Dumoulin for wearing the pink jersey with jeans. Not least, for wearing that oversized belt buckle…

The jeans should definitely be black! Rule#15