Categories: Anatomy of a PhotoThe HardmenThe Rules

On Rule #49: Keep the Rubber Side Down

Sure, turn that thing upside down. (I said it ironically, so it's not bad luck.)

Gobbles already violated Rule #95 this year when he became the first rider to celebrate winning a Monument by lifting his bike over his head as if he were some kind of savage; not a Belgian road Cyclist, the most civilized of the Cycling Breed.

But Rule #49 is another matter altogether. It astounds me whenever I see a bicycle helplessly turned upon its handlebars and saddle while the pilot optimistically leverages every muscle in their face to inspect the vehicle for evidence of its mysterious ailment. (Surprise ending: It’s the rider, not the machine.)

We, the Velominati, we see the Cycling world through a different lens. We see Cycling through the rose-colored lense of our passion and our reverence for the history, culture, and etiquette of our sport.

Hence, I find myself in disbelief to find none other than The Prophet himself, cluelessly riding alongside his team car in 1976 with a spare bike on its roof inexplicably turned upside down. This was the Year of My Birth; I feel a little bit sullied knowing that such an atrocity occurred while I was in gestation. (It also might explain a few things about my temperament.)

It just so happens that 1976 was the year in which Merckx began his irrevocable slide towards retirement; perhaps his failure to spot the upturned steed was an early sign that the fire in his breath was starting to temper.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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wiscot says:

Jun 2 2017 at 12:55 pm

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@ErikdR

@KogaLover

Yes, yes, goodness yes – I’ll never forget that as long as I live. 1985. 38 years old (Not me; Joop. I was 27 at the time). Thirty-eight! A strong field including Greg LeMond, Moreno Argentin, Stephen Roche… Joop sneaking off on the left side of the road, out-foxing the lot of ’em – and Mart Smeets, the Dutch sports commentator, utterly losing his shit. Good times. (I must have been peeling a lot of onions at the time, because there was a very distinct trace of salty liquid in the corners of my eyes when Joop crossed the line that day…)

Magic. Nah, lads. Let that orange jersey go up the road. That cat’s too old to be dangerous.

Hadn’t LeMan chased down every fucking guy that went up the road to that point and finally he just said, “fuck it, I’m not chasing another guy down” and, of course, that “guy” ended up winning it. LeMan was so fucking strong. He took second in the sprint if I remember correctly through that haze of Grand Marnier on a Friday night in Germany with a big ride set for tomorrow.

Yes indeedy. I think LeMond was getting tired of chasing everything down and when Joop went, he thought "fuck it." In the break of 13 that contested the finish (The next rider, Kim Andersen, came in at 13 seconds) there were 3 Dutch, 2 Italians, and 1 each from the US, France, GB, Austria, Spain, Belgium, Ireland and Switzerland. Clearly the Dutch had the upper hand and were not going to chase their compatriot. No-one else wanted to drag anyone else so Joop soloed away. LeMond beat Argentin for the sprint for second.

One of the more well-deserved WC wins, that's for sure.
wiscot says:

Jun 2 2017 at 12:59 pm

@frank

My apologies for not making that clear. The quote is about Van de Velde, not Janssen.

In 1988, Johan van de Velde was first over the top of the Gavia on THAT stage. He lost 47 minutes by day's end. The conditions were THAT bad.
Rick says:

Jun 2 2017 at 1:07 pm

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@ErikdR

@KogaLover

Yes, yes, goodness yes – I’ll never forget that as long as I live. 1985. 38 years old (Not me; Joop. I was 27 at the time). Thirty-eight! A strong field including Greg LeMond, Moreno Argentin, Stephen Roche… Joop sneaking off on the left side of the road, out-foxing the lot of ’em – and Mart Smeets, the Dutch sports commentator, utterly losing his shit. Good times. (I must have been peeling a lot of onions at the time, because there was a very distinct trace of salty liquid in the corners of my eyes when Joop crossed the line that day…)

Magic. Nah, lads. Let that orange jersey go up the road. That cat’s too old to be dangerous.

Hadn’t LeMan chased down every fucking guy that went up the road to that point and finally he just said, “fuck it, I’m not chasing another guy down” and, of course, that “guy” ended up winning it. LeMan was so fucking strong. He took second in the sprint if I remember correctly through that haze of Grand Marnier on a Friday night in Germany with a big ride set for tomorrow.

Your hazy memory is correct, LeMan did take second in the sprint. In the post race interview he said he expected the Italians to chase down Joop. Unfortunately for Greg it was too close to the finish line.
Buck Rogers says:

Jun 2 2017 at 1:33 pm

@Rick

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@ErikdR

@KogaLover

Yes, yes, goodness yes – I’ll never forget that as long as I live. 1985. 38 years old (Not me; Joop. I was 27 at the time). Thirty-eight! A strong field including Greg LeMond, Moreno Argentin, Stephen Roche… Joop sneaking off on the left side of the road, out-foxing the lot of ’em – and Mart Smeets, the Dutch sports commentator, utterly losing his shit. Good times. (I must have been peeling a lot of onions at the time, because there was a very distinct trace of salty liquid in the corners of my eyes when Joop crossed the line that day…)

Magic. Nah, lads. Let that orange jersey go up the road. That cat’s too old to be dangerous.

Hadn’t LeMan chased down every fucking guy that went up the road to that point and finally he just said, “fuck it, I’m not chasing another guy down” and, of course, that “guy” ended up winning it. LeMan was so fucking strong. He took second in the sprint if I remember correctly through that haze of Grand Marnier on a Friday night in Germany with a big ride set for tomorrow.

Your hazy memory is correct, LeMan did take second in the sprint. In the post race interview he said he expected the Italians to chase down Joop. Unfortunately for Greg it was too close to the finish line.

Fucking LeMan! What did he have ... two wins and two seconds at the WC, right??? (fucked if I know--third glass of Grand Marnier is just BURYING me in bliss, Baby! Nothing like finally being off call after 10 days straight!
hansel says:

Jun 2 2017 at 5:05 pm

This wheel change talk has me baffled. Are people often struggling with this? Lie the bike against a bush or on some grass drive-side-up, do the work, then drop the upper jockey (correctly indexed) onto the 11, with left hand on seatpost, right hand on wheel rim, give the derailleur cage a gentle shove down-and-back and job's done? Unless you have those weird horizontal dropouts... in which case, call the team car, because you need to abandon the race ASAP
Mikael Liddy says:

Jun 3 2017 at 12:08 am

@Teocalli

or find a convenient tree as was posted here somewhere last year and hang the bike by it’s saddle.

Re the Photo – maybe it’s a sign of distress like flying a national flag upside down?

You rang?
Teocalli says:

Jun 3 2017 at 11:47 am

@Mikael Liddy

That would be the one yes.
Ron says:

Jun 5 2017 at 10:12 am

@frank

@litvi

@frank

@KogaLover

Speaking about Jan Janssen…

Always so classy.

And he still has the same glaring look! Is he just a deeply pensive guy in general, or do the ill-fitting clothes on everyone around him get on his last goddamn nerve?

I think he’s pissed at Dumoulin for wearing the pink jersey with jeans. Not least, for wearing that oversized belt buckle…

Oh god, I'm absolutely thrilled the oversized belt buckle trendy has died. I guess Tom was too busy on training rides to hear the news. I really thought those were some ugly as belts. (Also thrilled the deployment of cargo pants as "biz cas" has died, HATED seeing people in shirts and ties...with cargo pants. Eck!)

And thank you for bring up denim, as I haven't mentioned my No Denim Policy in too long. Don't even own a pair, much less wear denim.
wiscot says:

Jun 5 2017 at 11:04 am

@Ron

@frank

@litvi

@frank

@KogaLover

Speaking about Jan Janssen…

Always so classy.

And he still has the same glaring look! Is he just a deeply pensive guy in general, or do the ill-fitting clothes on everyone around him get on his last goddamn nerve?

I think he’s pissed at Dumoulin for wearing the pink jersey with jeans. Not least, for wearing that oversized belt buckle…

Oh god, I’m absolutely thrilled the oversized belt buckle trendy has died. I guess Tom was too busy on training rides to hear the news. I really thought those were some ugly as belts. (Also thrilled the deployment of cargo pants as “biz cas” has died, HATED seeing people in shirts and ties…with cargo pants. Eck!)

And thank you for bring up denim, as I haven’t mentioned my No Denim Policy in too long. Don’t even own a pair, much less wear denim.

I'm cool with jeans, but wear them less often as other options are available. Cargo pants or shorts? No fucking way. The devil's garb. Just horrible.

People wearing shirts and ties (that's good, I have more ties than I can count and when appropriate wear them 3-4 times a week) but with cargo pants? Who raised these people FFS! That would be like wearing sneakers with a tux. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Speaking of ties, I have a thing right now for the straight blade knit tie. Just got a couple of cashmere beauties on sale from Saks. Everyone should have a black silk knit tie in their wardrobe.
Ron says:

Jun 5 2017 at 11:36 am

I don't know who raised them. I definitely live in a bubble on a daily basis, so when I go out in public these days I'm generally shocked at what people wear around town. It's depressing. It seems, like with wealth and politics, we have two extreme ends. It's either a dandy who looks to be model for the clothing company, far, far too done up for an average day OR it's a guy in stained sweatpants with his slippers on. The world is a bizarre place these days.