Categories: La Vie VelominatusThe Rules

On Rule #59: Hold Your Line

Anecdotal research suggests that people are being let off-leash without adequate training to perform basic activities such as walking on sidewalks or through airports and busy city centers. I’m assuming this expands to shopping malls, but I never go there so I can’t be sure. It’s easy to blame the mobile phones which apparently grow from our hands, but even when no phone appears to be involved, the same problem exists: people wander about without any apparent awareness that anyone else might be in the vicinity.

Take, for instance, the gentleman who wandered off the Plane Train at SEATAC airport the other day. As he detrained, he stopped to investigate which of the 4 identical escalators best satisfied his fancy. I’m not one to criticize someone’s escalator scrutiny – you can’t over think these sorts of things – my issue is with the choice to stop just outside the exit of the train, completely unaware that he was blocking the way for the other passengers still left on the train.

It isn’t that these are bad people. We’re a product of our society and society teaches us that being a self-absorbed asshole is the right way to go about your life; there’s no limit to what you can accomplish when you don’t give a flying fuck about how those accomplishments impact other people. Which brings me back to my original point: we’re not getting the right training in order to avoid being assholes.

Riding a bike in general and riding in a group in particular teaches you all sorts of things about external dependencies and the trickle effect that our actions have on those around us. Rule #59 extends beyond just riding in a straight line, but to riding predictably and informing those riders who are dependent on you of dangers and obstacles. Cyclists develop a situational awareness that becomes second nature with practice.

I therefore propose that we modify our free-ranging policy to include a provision that mandates all humans be required to take a bicycle racing class and spend significant time riding in a group at speed before being allowed into the wilds of society. Don’t change your line when walking on a sidewalk without peeking over your shoulder. Don’t stop dead in your tracks without checking if someone is behind you. Don’t take a right-hand turn without warning when driving in the far left lane. Don’t block doorways. Don’t knock people in the head when you’re walking with a 2×4.

And for the love of Merckx, take off your headphones.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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VirenqueForever says:

May 16 2014 at 7:54 am

@unversio

Fear it will be long and perhaps pointless but would be consistent with Rules #3 and #43...
unversio says:

May 16 2014 at 8:13 am

@VirenqueForever Hire a hitman to enforce the Rules on your behalf.
VirenqueForever says:

May 16 2014 at 9:17 am

@unversio

@VirenqueForever Hire a hitman to enforce the Rules on your behalf.

Just like Hockey - I love it...

So do you go for Renshaw, Tom Steels or... Marty McSorley?
frank says:

May 16 2014 at 9:35 am

@Barracuda

@frank " I'm assuming this expands to shopping malls, but I never go there so I can't be sure "

My place of work just happens to be co-located in a shopping mall. Somedays its worth sitting outside in the mall for some light entertainment, of particular interest are the shopping trolley retrievers.

These muppets appear to be a law unto themselves, whereby speed and length of trolley train seem to increase as the day goes on.

Many a time whilst walking ive been tempted to yell " Car back" as the trolley train goes smashing down the mall at light speed like a pissed off snake on crack.

I have no idea what a "trolly train" is, but the pissed off snake on crack is gold.

@Puffy

I think this should happen more often to those oblivious of their surroundings! Not paying attention? Lookout, the unvierse is about to bite your ass for it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXiQGpIGlGo

To be honest, though, that isn't high on my list of expectations either. Falling into a sidewalk sinkhole is right there next to "Being Eaten By Dragon" as far as my personal disaster recover planning goes.
frank says:

May 16 2014 at 9:40 am

@The Grande Fondue

@TheVid

My fear is that someday when I'm on a MUP whilst riding my #1, I'll get stopped by some local authority and fined for not having a bell on it. In my head I then argue that few would hear a bell anyway since they all (yes, I know it's an omniscience fallacy) have headphones in their ears. I then would have to accept the fine because in the end, it's the bylaw that cycles have a bell, not that people have to have open ears to hear one.

I'd never considered having a bell on my bike before. But these pics almost made me reconsider

A friend of Gianni's and mine who I ride with on Maui rides with a bell. He dings it at every person he comes by as a form of some kinds of karmic Hawaiian greeting. I actually rather like it. Also, he can ride like a muthafuqa so that helps.

@ChrisO

@Teocalli

@ChrisO Do the locals have 300 words for Sand like Eskimos do for Snow?

Probably although my total Arabic vocabulary is about 20 words and sand isn't among them. If I stay here another 30 years I might be able to converse with a three year old.

The way it was described to me was that Arabic doesn't use adjectives like we do in English and the Latin-based languages.

So where we would say red sand, dry sand, marshy sand, rolling sand, bastard sand etc and could use 300+ adjectives for the same noun, they will have a different word for each of them.

That makes it quite a difficult language to speak, which is why there isn't a single language.

There's classical Arabic from the Koran, there's Modern Standard Arabic (effectively the official version always used in newspapers, news broadcasts and written or official documents, like Mandarin in China), and then there are the spoken variants which tend to be regional. So there is the Meghreb (Egypt/Sudan/North Africa) Arabic, the Levant Arabic (Jordan/Syria/Lebanon) and the Khaleej Arabic (Saudi/UAE/Arabian Gulf) version. Khaleej means Gulf, I know that much ! And within that each country or smaller region may have some specific words. I know Egyptians who have a lot of trouble understanding Gulf Arabs.

So yes, between all that there are probably 3000 fucking words for sand.

Wow, that is so interesting. Just added Arabic to the list of languages I want to study but never will.
frank says:

May 16 2014 at 9:42 am

@Steve-o, @Carel

There aren't many "bike paths" around here, and I wouldn't use them anyway. When non-cyclists mention bike paths to me, I say that they are more correctly called multiuse paths, with joggers, walkers, runners, cyclists, dogwalkers, rollerbladers or whoever else using them and are more hazardous than riding on roads. I also feel strongly that those paths reinforce many motorists' notion that bikes don't belong on the road.

In my opinion, MUPs are the most dangerous places to be. Some of the worst accidents I've seen happen on those things; riders hitting head-on, or hitting an old lady and killing her (happened on the Burke Gillman)...if at all feasible, I will take the road with cars over the path every time.
frank says:

May 16 2014 at 9:47 am

@VirenqueForever

How about the "TriGuy" who shows up to the local group ride and creates chaos instantly by not holding his line, not communicating and just generally being a douche?

Happened last week, group slows up a bit, TriGuy jams on brakes Full On - I have to brake hard not to rear end him...I turn to apologize to rest of group behind me, whereas he is oblivious to all this...

You can't even shame them by calling them out. Oblivious to all the Cat 6 shit pulled.

My favorite is when they ride in their tuck in the paceline. Then surge when they get to the front rather than pulling through like a civilized rider.
razmaspaz says:

May 16 2014 at 9:54 am

Got a thankfully uneventful but slightly jarring reminder of the importance of holding not just line but pace on Wednesday. Near the conclusion of a townline sprint, after doing my usual ride off the front in vain, I got caught and tried to grab a wheel. Coming out from behind said wheel I saw I was beat and sat up. Despite holding a quite predictable line, there was much yelling from behind as the pace slowed unexpectedly.
DeKerr says:

May 16 2014 at 10:19 am

@unversio

@The Grande Fondue

I'd never considered having a bell on my bike before. But these pics almost made me reconsider

No, no, no, no, no-ooooo, no, nope. Disguise it by mounting under the top tube near the seat tube. Stuff in jersey pocket until needed.

My opinion differs @unversio I think that is an elegant design that doesn't appear to detract from the overall lines of the bike. However, as @frank said, you'd better be able to ride like a muthafuqa (Arabic?) to truly pull it off.
Optimiste says:

May 16 2014 at 11:35 am

@frank

@Steve-o, @Carel

There aren't many "bike paths" around here, and I wouldn't use them anyway. When non-cyclists mention bike paths to me, I say that they are more correctly called multiuse paths, with joggers, walkers, runners, cyclists, dogwalkers, rollerbladers or whoever else using them and are more hazardous than riding on roads. I also feel strongly that those paths reinforce many motorists' notion that bikes don't belong on the road.

In my opinion, MUPs are the most dangerous places to be. Some of the worst accidents I've seen happen on those things; riders hitting head-on, or hitting an old lady and killing her (happened on the Burke Gillman)...if at all feasible, I will take the road with cars over the path every time.

That statement brought to mind an incident in 4th grade I hadn't recalled in years. Only the 6th graders were allowed to ride bicycles to school, so on the last day of the school year, my friend and I inexplicably thought it would be a good idea to ride ours. When we arrived, the 6th graders were displeased we were encroaching on their privilege, proceeded to kick our bikes, and were about to inflict some bodily harm. The vice principal intervened and, after chiding us, escorted us into the school. We received several "just you wait" looks from the older kids.

As school let out, my friend and I sprinted to our bikes, frantically unlocked them and took off in a different direction before the others emerged. We ended up riding along a busy road with no sidewalk and a narrow shoulder. Somehow, my mom and his mom were each driving on that same road, saw us and both pulled over. That was weird. After we detailed the events of the day, my mom asked "so you were more worried about some 6th graders than cars on a busy road?" I didn't say it, but I distinctly remember thinking "well of course." Epilogue: just 3 years later, that same busy road became a regular part of my rides when I discovered road bikes.