The severity of a crash exists on two planes, the physical and psychological. The physical is the most obvious and one we busy ourselves with in the immediate vicinity of coming down. Our bodies need time to heal, our kits may need replacing or mending, and our bicycles may need repair work. For weeks and sometimes months, we may carry with us the scars that result when our bodies, bicycles, and tarmac momentarily occupy the same space.
We endeavor to reach a point where the mechanics of bike handling has moved into the subconscious. An experienced Cyclist no longer thinks in terms of steering or pedaling; instead, we exist in a stream of subconscious consciousness where our senses are heightened, yet none of our actions exist on a plane of explicit thought as we make subtle adjustments to our stroke, steering, and balance. As our experience grows, the bicycle becomes an extension of our physical selves; it is through finding this harmony that we are able to live on the razor’s edge between grace and disaster.
When disaster does strike, we are faced with scars beyond the physical that take much longer to recover than do our equipment and flesh. In the space of a single moment, the trust we felt in our machine and our ability to control it evaporates, leaving a hollow sense of betrayal that burrows away deeply into our minds. It stays there, far from view, only to surface during moments when we most rely on our confidence to avoid crashes; the sliding of a tire in a corner or the sudden interference of an object with our path – these situations require complete confidence in our machine and skills, yet during the time that our confidence is being rebuilt we doubt our instincts.
This is particularly true of cornering, where we are most prominently faced with the realities of our confidence, trust, and skills. Normally, we sense a crash approaching some time before it arrives. A problem with our trajectory or a slipping tire will give our minds a moment to react, even if our bodies are unable to. As we reflect on the crash afterwards, we’ll understand what happened, and what might have been done to avoid it; we use this knowledge to tell ourselves it was avoidable and tuck that nagging sense of doubt a bit farther out of reach. But a crash with no warning and no remedy sits naked in our minds and permeates every action and sensation as we struggle to regain our confidence.
This past December, I slipped on some black ice on a cold morning commute to the office. There were no signs of anything going amiss; there was only the crash. In the blink of an eye, I went from happily entering a corner to laying on the tarmac. The impact was so sudden, in fact, that the force of the fall was taken up by my hip and elbow – my hands never left the bars – and the impact so swift that my cleat tore apart as the impossibility of my occupying the same space as my bicycle and the road was resolved by my being separated abruptly from both.
My rides since then have suffered from nagging questions that flood my mind as I enter a corner, particularly in the wet; I no longer trust that I can judge the corner adequately or that my equipment will loyally carry me through. Logically, I know that while statistics suggest that one’s chances of crashing remain constant so long as environmental conditions don’t significantly change, I know shaken confidence ensures that crashes come in clusters as self-doubt overrides intuition cultivated over years of experience.
I must force myself to regain my confidence; the only path to doing so lies through ignoring my doubt and wrapping myself in the craft. Vive la Vie Velominatus.
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@Russ M
LBS - but then I'm utterly useless at spannering anything.
I wrote acres of pish about this last summer when I had a Speedplay failure (cleat tore away from shoe). Keep em clean because if they get sticky and you force your shoe out you'll stress the attachment to the shoe and the cleat attachment will eventually break if it's a cheap shoe - any lateral flex in the shoe makes things much worse - Bonts being super rigid don't suffer from this fault but anything with a bit of play on the sole or a slightly baggy fit probably will - hope this makes sense.
@frank
These may be the perfect shoe - however my present Bonts are as indestructible as yours as well as comfortable so absent a sponsor giving me a pair there's no fear of me being able to justify them to the VMH and my starving offspring
@wrench this sounds like the first month or so of my recovery last year, although on a slightly smaller scale. I 'only' broke my collarbone with the crash but know the feeling of reliving the accident in your head over & over. There were plenty of nights where I'd have what would start out as pretty cool dreams about riding end up waking me up when I'd crash & get the feeling of bone breaking again.
One thing I found that helped rekindle the fire was watching & reading about cycling, just stay clear of any crash compilations!
@the Engine
It sure does thanks, Comfort is a big thing for me, not just in the actual feeling of the way it fits but peace of mind. To know that every aspect of my machine and accessory's are in good working order will allow me to lay down full "V"in pursuing the man with the hammer!
@frank
Van driver's first words, "Where did you come from? (He had just past the two of us)." Then, " Look at the damage to my van!" As my riding buddy proceeded to rip into the douchetard, all I wanted to do was ride home. Shaken, but almost un marked, I learned to re-focus my "spider-senses"!
@frank
Just a shot in the dark here;
Could it be a biomechanical issue that you've developed rather than a component issue? I presume that you have been riding with the same setup for a number of years.
I have been very fortunate over the years never to have had knee problems (touch wood). However, a couple of months ago I began to have twinges in my right knee, primarily when climbing stairs. It never seemed to bother me whilst riding though. What I discovered was that (through the wonders of the interwebs) that I had a tightening ITB. I found that with some focussed stretching over a three week period, the issue has disappeared.
Have you had any advice from a biomechanical perspective? (ie. Physio, Osteo)
@mouse ahh the old ITB, one of my faves...have you introduced yours to a foam roller yet? New definition to the word pain.
@Gianni
@Mikael Liddy
@Deakus
Thanks for replying. Through sites like this I'm somehow maintaining a sense of humor and trying to focus on the riding that is to come, even if I won't be pining on a number anytime soon.
Banksy pretty much says it all...
@wrench
Yes. He was channeling the Buddha, there, wasn't he? It's Dukkha-ville, bitches, and we get to apply Rule V.
Wishing you (and @Rob) the fullest, most comprehensive, and speediest recovery.
Wow, my crash story is completely inadequate when compared to what some of you guys have been through. Chapeau for getting back on the bike at all.
My only major crash involved a porsche 911 pulling out of a side street as I was coming down hill. He saw me and stopped but it was too late for me to pull up and I went over the handlebars of my MTB landing flat on my back on the bonnet of the porsche before sliding off onto the bitumen. Needless to say all 188cm and 85 odd kg of me did a number on the porsche's bonnet while a bottle opener I had in my pocket (was riding to my uni bar job) put a beautiful white scratch 3/4 of the way across said bonnet.
Apart from a bruised arse and some knee and elbow skin donated to the road I was ok while my 80s steel framed MTB was untouched except for a slightly buckled front wheel.
The driver was beside himself and thought he'd killed me, couldn't believe it when I rode off to work. Thankfully I got the day off and a couple of free drinks from my boss to calm me down.