Categories: The Rules

Rolling with Rule #80

photo: E. Keller

Always be casually deliberate, even when riding.

You have just attacked off the front to take a town line sprint. It was a just-the-perfect-amount-of-dumb yet successful move. You went deeply anaerobic for a sprint no one else was even mildly interested in, but you did crush them unrestrainedly.

Now, to hide your effort, you deploy the Rule #80 Casual Coast. Left hand on the bars, right hand resting on the thigh, right pedal up to raise the right thigh to armchair height. You coast along as your awesome sprinting momentum eases and the group rolls up. You are a picture of relaxation and confidence. You drift left and regard them as they ride up on your right. Your body language says one thing.

Let that be a lesson, jongens.

My old friend and LBS owner, George “Lefty” Sykes has taught me many cycling things over the years. He invested too much time, swearing and frustration drilling us in the perfect double pace line. The Casual Coast was never mentioned but George was a master of this move. I discerned this posture was as important as riding a double pace line though no one was going to pull me off the road and lecture me about it. This was not a skill, this was just cool. We cyclists don’t do much coasting but this an awesome way to recover and survey your fellow riders from a position of power and relaxed confidence.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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View Comments

Beers says:

Dec 21 2013 at 11:19 pm

@bugleboy21

After I finished my food, I decided to sit up and offer my wheel as a friendly show of respect.

And much respect to you for your noble deed..
Rom says:

Dec 22 2013 at 4:30 am

@Mike_P

@Buck Rogers

@Gianni

@wiscot

Nice shot there Gianni. Adding to the superbly casual aspect of the image is the lack of a bottle or even anything substantial the rear pockets. The Cipo-like ciggie is very old school too! The look on your face says "damn, now where did I put my lighter?" I guess that how you roll on Maui, non?

Actually, that is not far from the truth. Not me, as I've never smoked real cigarettes but the fake ones amuse me endlessly. But I do roll with a crowd of amazing cyclists here who do not fear some maui-wowie on a long road ride. Again, not me, I can crash in a wet corner without, thank you very much.

Here is an alternate photo, where it looks like I am taking a big drag. Me and Cipo!

Jesus those calves! My two calves put together would still only be half of one of yours. Fuckin calf envy right here, Mate!

Me too. I have always been in the "pathetic calves" class. @gianni they are a work of road art.

My calves look like that under the wookie suit.
scaler911 says:

Dec 22 2013 at 8:38 am

@Gianni

@scaler911 @Nate

Maybe it would be cooler to be rolling your own while waiting for people to catch up.

@ChrissyOne Thanks. Gadzooks it right! Serotta does not mess about. I lusted after a Colgano lugged Carbone frame but this may be better. It's custom made, the original owner was smaller than I am, yet it fits me well. And he kept it in perfect shape. Chapeau to him.

@frank

Years ago I was warming up on the rollers for the state hill climb champs. The van parked next to me opened up and three dudes roll out Spicoli style after they'd hot boxed it in there. So stoned they could barely see straight. I took the second step to one of them.
Mike_P says:

Dec 22 2013 at 12:14 pm

@Rom get them shaved like they should be and prove it then :-)
Rom says:

Dec 22 2013 at 3:38 pm

@Mike_P

@Rom get them shaved like they should be and prove it then :-)

I've heard they will look even bigger once shaved. I've tried that with other body parts and it seems to work. :)
unversio says:

Dec 22 2013 at 3:45 pm

@Rom

@Mike_P

@Rom get them shaved like they should be and prove it then :-)

I've heard they will look even bigger once shaved. I've tried that with other body parts and it seems to work. :)

Imagined to be bigger...
Gianni says:

Dec 22 2013 at 3:58 pm

@scaler911

@Gianni

@scaler911 @Nate

Maybe it would be cooler to be rolling your own while waiting for people to catch up.

@ChrissyOne Thanks. Gadzooks it right! Serotta does not mess about. I lusted after a Colgano lugged Carbone frame but this may be better. It's custom made, the original owner was smaller than I am, yet it fits me well. And he kept it in perfect shape. Chapeau to him.

@frank

Years ago I was warming up on the rollers for the state hill climb champs. The van parked next to me opened up and three dudes roll out Spicoli style after they'd hot boxed it in there. So stoned they could barely see straight. I took the second step to one of them.

I love stories like that. Spicoli-style. So climbing and tasty buds work together? Sheeeit, maybe I need to see if it helps my climbing. Anything would, I can't go any slower uphill right now.
Mikael Liddy says:

Dec 22 2013 at 6:06 pm

bah, if only I'd read this on Saturday morning I would have known exactly how to act when I took out our group's Super Bonus Point World Championship with a devastating uphill sprint!

I went for Frank's classic locked arms & gentle spinning pose as the vanquished finally caught up, little did I know there was a dedicated move for such an event.
davidlhill says:

Dec 23 2013 at 2:06 am

@frank

@Gianni

@wiscot

. At Casa Andrews, the faux cig is as crucial to the Good Life as a good beer.

I'm confused by all the talk of fake cigarettes. It is making me question the whole ethos of being a Velominati.

The underlying principle you espouse is "do it properly". eg. Don't pretend to be a pro rider by wearing current team kit. Don't pretend to be a world champ by wearing the world championship jersey. I get that. That's why I've just given a copy of The Rules to my 18 yr old son and told him to "digest" them, as they apply to life and not just to cycling.

By allowing a fake fag surely you'll then allow me to keep an empty bottle of a flemish ale so that those times I can't actually get one I could fill it up with a (whisper it) dark English beer and thus pretend I'm drinking the liquid of the Gods? And that way madness lies........... I could get a cheap far eastern steel frame and get it painted with Bianchi colours and logo.......where does it end?

Either smoke a cigarette, and accept all the potential downsides, or don't.

Or am I missing something?

Cheers,

David
HeinrichHausslersHairstyle says:

Dec 23 2013 at 3:31 am

Wearing my Velominati top on Beach Rd recently I was caning it at the front of a small group thru Sandringham, Brighton and Elwood. Ensuring I stayed at the front, my stroke constant, not looking around, timing traffic lights to perfection. My heart and lungs ready to implode, no fucker was going to pass this Rule 5 exemplar. Eventually I casually sat up and the group rolled thru; one rider looked at me and uttered one word, "Mercx"...my work was done.