Categories: The Rules

Rolling with Rule #80

photo: E. Keller

Always be casually deliberate, even when riding.

You have just attacked off the front to take a town line sprint. It was a just-the-perfect-amount-of-dumb yet successful move. You went deeply anaerobic for a sprint no one else was even mildly interested in, but you did crush them unrestrainedly.

Now, to hide your effort, you deploy the Rule #80 Casual Coast. Left hand on the bars, right hand resting on the thigh, right pedal up to raise the right thigh to armchair height. You coast along as your awesome sprinting momentum eases and the group rolls up. You are a picture of relaxation and confidence. You drift left and regard them as they ride up on your right. Your body language says one thing.

Let that be a lesson, jongens.

My old friend and LBS owner, George “Lefty” Sykes has taught me many cycling things over the years. He invested too much time, swearing and frustration drilling us in the perfect double pace line. The Casual Coast was never mentioned but George was a master of this move. I discerned this posture was as important as riding a double pace line though no one was going to pull me off the road and lecture me about it. This was not a skill, this was just cool. We cyclists don’t do much coasting but this an awesome way to recover and survey your fellow riders from a position of power and relaxed confidence.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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The Pressure says:

Dec 23 2013 at 4:43 am

@Gianni In 1998 a Canadian named Ross Rebagliati won the first ever Olympic gold medal in snowboarding. He was stripped of this award after testing positive for BC kush. However the medal was returned after officials determined that the drug might not be enhancing? Smoke-em if you got em!
Rob says:

Dec 23 2013 at 6:09 am

@davidlhill

@frank

@Gianni

@wiscot

. At Casa Andrews, the faux cig is as crucial to the Good Life as a good beer.

I'm confused by all the talk of fake cigarettes. It is making me question the whole ethos of being a Velominati.

The underlying principle you espouse is "do it properly". eg. Don't pretend to be a pro rider by wearing current team kit. Don't pretend to be a world champ by wearing the world championship jersey. I get that. That's why I've just given a copy of The Rules to my 18 yr old son and told him to "digest" them, as they apply to life and not just to cycling.

By allowing a fake fag surely you'll then allow me to keep an empty bottle of a flemish ale so that those times I can't actually get one I could fill it up with a (whisper it) dark English beer and thus pretend I'm drinking the liquid of the Gods? And that way madness lies........... I could get a cheap far eastern steel frame and get it painted with Bianchi colours and logo.......where does it end?

Either smoke a cigarette, and accept all the potential downsides, or don't.

Or am I missing something?

Cheers,

David

It's not about pretending world champ or pro its about don't be an obvious douch. Therefore painting the cheapo bike Bianchi Celeste* or filling a Belgium empty with swill is just wrong, smoking a fake cigi as you chill is just frigging funny.

*An exception is painting the 753 Team Raliegh Bianchi Celeste because your riding for a Bianchi sponsored team and you love the Raliegh like your second skin but the team was low budget and did not get the top of the line Bianchi's...
stumpy says:

Dec 23 2013 at 7:53 am

@Gianni Size appropriate, yes! Can someone explain the need for child size bikes? Thank you.
wiscot says:

Dec 23 2013 at 8:05 am

About to disappear for some holiday R&R tomorrow. I just want to wish all Velominati around the world happy and safe holidays and I look forward to another 12 months of enlightenment and entertainment courtesy of the Keepers.

Over the holidays I'll forego the Belgian ale on favor of some Spotted Cow from here in WI. http://www.newglarusbrewing.com/index.cfm/beers/ourbeers/beer/spotted-cow
frank says:

Dec 23 2013 at 8:45 am

@davidlhill

What you're missing is that he's just taking the piss, another thing the Velominati are rather fond of doing.
davidlhill says:

Dec 23 2013 at 9:11 am

@frank

I get taking the piss - oh christ yes. That is totally velominati compliant.

But what I don't get is having stash of said offending items in the house (why? To take the piss on a daily basis?).

I don't get setting up a photo with said offending items to recreate an image from the 40's or 50's.

I realise I'm arguing against a pair of keepers and hence I'm wrong, but still......

Cheers,

David

PS had to have an afternoon with prime Australian Shiraz to help me cope with the imagary.....
G'phant says:

Dec 23 2013 at 10:29 am

On another note entirely (and apologies if this has been posted elsewhere already), HardTalk interview with Cavenmaybecanin2014 here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-radio-and-tv-25403183. Gives quite a good account if himself.

Felice Navidad, all.
the-farmer says:

Dec 23 2013 at 10:43 am

@stumpy

@Gianni Size appropriate, yes! Can someone explain the need for child size bikes? Thank you.

So we can all have seatposts the size of franks, ha ha!

my Christmas gift to you all, a rare farmer joke that doesn't involve, sheep, cows, pigs or tractors!
stumpy says:

Dec 23 2013 at 11:10 am

Oh Aunti Ewe...da-a-a-a-a dys home!
Gianni says:

Dec 23 2013 at 1:20 pm

@davidlhill

You are over-thinking this, easily done here at Velominati.com. The fake cigs are just a laugh. Cigs are so anti-athlete that the juxtaposition is funny to me. I've maybe smoked one cig in my life, young and drunk, resulting in beer everywhere. The fake ones are handy if you want to look as ridiculous as a real smoker, again, for a laugh.

The cigarette in the photo is there just for fun.