Saddle bags have no place on a road bike, and are only acceptable on mountain bikes in extreme cases.
Saddle bags: how do we define them? Is it a saddle bag if it attaches to the seat post and the saddle, if it has a zipper, if it is leather, has two natty straps with buckles, if it swings below the saddle like bumper bollocks?
I weaned myself off a discreet EPMS after twenty-five years of use. I was not happy about transferring the contents to a rear pocket but I’m a team player so I conformed. Previous to that was the ‘core sew-up tire held under the saddle with spare toe clip strap. Back then bikes only had one bidon cage, held on with paint ruining metal clamps. The position forward of the seat tube was reserved for a silca frame pump. Some ride with a tire in a jersey pocket, but with no second bidon to bastardize, it usually had to go under the seat. At least we weren’t wearing tires around the shoulders. I’m not that old, FFS.
When I see professional cyclists out training here, they rock the EPMS. Am I going to correct Ryder, not in this life. I couldn’t catch him to start with, if I did I would be too winded to explain myself and really, why? If you ride clincher tires, with inner-tubes or sealant, one has to carry some tire levers and a spare tube, at a minimum. My custom waterproof phone/money/drivers license/inner-tube/levers/5mm allen wrench bag was a fat bastard. Getting things out of it quickly or elegantly was near impossible.
Then Lezyne came to the rescue with the waterproof mobile phone/money/card /fits in cycling jersey pocket, wallet. They actually didn’t come to the rescue, I paid retail for it but the design rescued me with its brilliance. The phone is in a safe waterproof compartment yet one can access and operate it through the clear plastic window. So all that went into my center rear pocket, but left me with a tube/levers/5mm allen key to stow, in another pocket? Nay, it’s the Lezyne caddy sack, I’m thinking this tucks under the seat, held with old toe clip strap; the clincher rider’s spare tire, without the tire. It’s a sew-up without the outer casing. It’s a nod to the old school in a nice waterproof pvc dry sack, and yes, that is crap.
What does Frank say? I believe his words will be something like “What you have here is a crude looking EPMS held under you saddle with a nasty looking old strap.” Where does he store his spare sew-up tire? I’m already abusing Rule #1, Rule #30 and now Rule #31 too. Luckily or sadly, he is many miles away probably won’t get wind of this.
[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/j.andrews3@comcast.net/EPMS/”/]
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View Comments
@max columbus
Au contraire! Bulging pockets are not sexy. They make you look like a fucking gringo off on his holidays. What's the point in looking as pro as possible with a nice clean steed then messing everything up with three gigantic buboes on your lower back?
I say chapeau Gianni - you're a brave man for posting this. I notice Frank hasn't posted yet - probably walking around Seattle in a shocked daze crying out to no-one in particular "why? Why? for fuck's sake why? He's a Keeper FFS, he knows better!""
No, No and No again.
Not only does your saddle break the cardinal unwritten rule (Middle 1/3 always level), but dangling some grey saggy sack underneath the saddle to rattle and spoil a group ride?
Jersey pockets + gripping + objects into pockets...simple. No more ugly seat furniture please.
@brett
...and a multi-tool. Screw you, you milky coffee drinking serial rule breaker.
I can fit a phone, tube, levers, cards, small multi-tool, separate chain tool and house keys into a Lezyne Caddysack. Thats still leaves 2 pockets free for me to carry Brett's food and his spare tubes. And I still don't need an EPMS.
I blame the size of smartphones. Let dumbphone users be united by their effective space utilisation!!!
@Tugman
You had better get used to it.
@mcsqueak
+1 C'mon, Gianni, you may lose Keeper status.
@brett
Sorry @brett, better looking does not elimate "still looks like shit"
And @Gianni - what the fuck! I don't care if you can tear my pedalwan legs off, get that fucking thing off your bike. I worked way too hard (mentally) to get over my EPMS-love to have a Keeper throw what looks like an oversized maxi-pad under their saddle.
The coolest scrotum in the world, assuming such a thing exists, is still a scrotum. I tend to only like one dangling between my legs at all times including rides, but maybe that's just me.
@Gianni fuckity fuck fuckster fucking what has happened round here? I had to check it was not April Fools Day! There is no point lecturing what the rest of the sane world has already pointed out....my only question is in the name of the lord almighty.......WHY?
You wait till Frank sees what you have done....!
@wiscot
Come on hard men. The only reason bulging pockets look bad is because the bulge in the front of your jersey pulling them tight. Lose the spare around your center you will be fine. Refer to Rule 5. and stop with the Rule 29 violations.
Dam I think I just threw up in my mouth a little with all this crying about bulging pockets. Enough already!
@Gianni Here, try something from these guys...
http://www.loksak.com/
I swan, surfed, and snorkeled all over the islands with one of these in my pocket. I still use it to keep the sweat off the iPhone when I'm on a ride. Holds cash and cards too.
The idea is that if a bike is properly tuned and prepped for the ride then only a minimum of gear is needed and that minimum of gear goes in the pockets. Following the path isn't about comfort. It's about embracing the glorious discomfort of riding like a pro... even if you only just look the part (so all y'all bitching about "no support car" or "not a pro" can stow it)
Rule 5 FFS!