Categories: The Rules

Rule #33 and the Summer Barbecue

It’s a drag

Rule #33- Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times.

This is one of the Rules that really defines the term Cyclist to the Velominati. Discussions about Rule #33 flare up on the site occasionally, burn brightly then smolder out. Between faces and legs, it is a lot of man-scraping. Rule #33 is a task master. Compliance is one thing, defending it to the unenlightened is another.

It is during that troublesome extended family summer barbecue where the Velominati earn their stripes when defending shaved guns to the grandfathers of the world. The greatest generation doesn’t get it. They didn’t fight the Japanese and the Germans so you, a grown man, could shave your damn legs.

Usually, your shaved, tanned, naturally glistening Guns of Navarone need no defending, they are just there, twin defenders of freedom, loaded and ready. The greatest generation certainly should understand that, but they don’t.

Aesthetically, the issue is won already. I don’t bother getting into the hand-waving explanations of massage or road rash. Looking down and seeing hairy sweaty legs above my white socks just makes me sick. It’s depressing. It is a violation of all we hold dear. Looking down, 100km into a sweaty suffering ride and seeing glistening, shaved legs, doing the work: all is well with the world.

The wise @G’phant offered up the Tribal thesis years back and it clicked with me. Yes, we are all members of the same tribe; we know each other by our shaved legs. See that guy ahead in the security line at the airport, when security makes him drop his pants to his ankles, look at those legs, those crisp tan lines! He is one of us. He is my brother. It’s a pretty great tribe to be in and no need for tattoos.

Say things are going badly at the extended family barbecue. You have not impressed the soon to be father-in-law with a reasoned argument of how bitchin’ shaved legs look. The tribal argument has only generated a blank stare that questions why his daughter needs this (you). Pull out your smart phone, pull up this movie and tell him to watch this while you go fetch two more drinks (both for yourself).

Form, function and looking fantastic are intertwined and here is the proof.

Thanks to Dave E for the video.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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View Comments

Mike_P says:

Jul 16 2014 at 4:10 am

@VeloJello

@Teocalli

@anthony

@Beers

From what I understand those bastions of machismo the rugby players are also fond of shorn pistons. No one asks them though, nor questions their masculinity. Probably because they are twice our size. As for me, I just turn turn to them and say "Why do I shave my legs? Why do you do your hair like that, why did you pick that shirt to wear? Because you want to? Well, there's your answer then." All of the VMH's girlfriends and most importantly the VMH like it, and that's as good a reason as any for me!

Plenty of footballers are looking pretty hairless as well these days, Ronaldo, and Sanchez come to mind, Nobody has given me shit for it in a long time.

I think with the footballers it's more likely a sign of their immaturity?

That. Plus a million. The biggest fucking preening bunch of wankers I have ever met. Self righteous pricks.

Nurse, time for my shot!

and..breath !!! Aren't the Thought Police likely to arrest you for alleged blasphemy like that, in your Toon Army part of the World?
Mike_P says:

Jul 16 2014 at 4:12 am

@tessar

@piwakawaka

@DCR

@piwakawaka

@DCR

What about shaved arms?

skin suits have long sleeves.

Very true. But in the dead of the summer when temperatures reach into the triple digits I usually prefer short sleeves to long. As it is I don't shave the arms.

Anyone else here chime in on arm shaving?

The other video those guy's did for beards showed no real difference, I'm guessing it would be similar for the arms, our guns on the other hand are moving both vertically and laterally through the air, this double gain is enough to make a real difference.

I love spying another proud cyclist with their shaved guns on display in non cycling circumstance, a brother (sister) from another mother!

Actually, arm hair does test slower than shaved arms (that's also according to the Specialized tunnel, they just didn't do a film on that). I'm sparsely-haired in my arms anyhow, but for important races, that goes too. My skinsuit only goes to the elbow.

I worked with a guy who shaved his arms and the backs of his hands. He wasn't a sportsman at all, just shaved. Even in my universe, that's just weird.
ridebikesdrinkbeer says:

Jul 16 2014 at 4:33 am

Yeah, I dont, uh, really care what someone thinks of my silky smooth stems. They (people that aren't on bicycles or even worse, fellow cyclists that do not obey the rule) look perplexed when I give them a straight faced answer that "it looks fucking stupid to have a forest growing below the cut off line of your sleek kit" as though it's some kind of joke.
Nate says:

Jul 16 2014 at 6:41 am

Very timely topic, Gianni. I just arrived on the East Coast of three weeks of rusticating. No bike, and I was contemplating allowing some growth to form on the lower limbs. Thanks to your article I will not be engaging in such blasphemy: even if I am temporarily off the bike, I am still a Cyclist.
Durishin says:

Jul 16 2014 at 6:50 am

So this is interesting and, obviously, true.

Drag is induced when a fluid separates from a surface. In face, F1 cars often use vortex generators at the trailing edge of a surface to induce swirl and reduce drag. It's shown up in production cars occasionally as well - like this Mitsu Evo.

Given that, it seems the lowest drag solution might be to shave the front of the legs and leave the posterior 1/4 - 1/3 fully forested.
Durishin says:

Jul 16 2014 at 6:51 am

Tried to embed. Duh... Aforementioned Mitsu Vortex Generators (above).
Mike_P says:

Jul 16 2014 at 7:10 am

@Nate

Very timely topic, Gianni. I just arrived on the East Coast of three weeks of rusticating. No bike, and I was contemplating allowing some growth to form on the lower limbs. Thanks to your article I will not be engaging in such blasphemy: even if I am temporarily off the bike, I am still a Cyclist.

Here here. I've always found that when off the bike for injury, illness or family reasons, keeping the guns shaved really helps me keep the faith.
Ron says:

Jul 16 2014 at 10:54 am

@Nate

Very timely topic, Gianni. I just arrived on the East Coast of three weeks of rusticating. No bike, and I was contemplating allowing some growth to form on the lower limbs. Thanks to your article I will not be engaging in such blasphemy: even if I am temporarily off the bike, I am still a Cyclist.

Welcome! Enjoy your time over here. I'm heading to northern Ontario in early August for a week at a pal's cabin, located in the middle of no where. I'll use the lake to stay on top of Rule 33.
Owen says:

Jul 16 2014 at 11:04 am

@therealpeel

@Beers

From what I understand those bastions of machismo the rugby players are also fond of shorn pistons. No one asks them though, nor questions their masculinity. Probably because they are twice our size. As for me, I just turn turn to them and say "Why do I shave my legs? Why do you do your hair like that, why did you pick that shirt to wear? Because you want to? Well, there's your answer then." All of the VMH's girlfriends and most importantly the VMH like it, and that's as good a reason as any for me!

The VMW does not like it on me. Bummer. Plus, when I am too fat to climb and peaking in more than two years I feel like a poseur with shaved legs.

The VMH gets asked all the time if it creeps her out. She has the common decency to reply that it's far from the creepiest thing I do. It's also funny to make people uncomfortable by loudly being concerned that I missed a spot.
Gianni says:

Jul 16 2014 at 12:43 pm

@Durishin

So this is interesting and, obviously, true.

Drag is induced when a fluid separates from a surface. In face, F1 cars often use vortex generators at the trailing edge of a surface to induce swirl and reduce drag. It's shown up in production cars occasionally as well - like this Mitsu Evo.

Given that, it seems the lowest drag solution might be to shave the front of the legs and leave the posterior 1/4 - 1/3 fully forested.

yeah, that should work and look extremely weird at the same time. Let's hope that does not catch on. I'm hoping my skin is dimpled enough to do the same thing.