Rule #33- Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times.
This is one of the Rules that really defines the term Cyclist to the Velominati. Discussions about Rule #33 flare up on the site occasionally, burn brightly then smolder out. Between faces and legs, it is a lot of man-scraping. Rule #33 is a task master. Compliance is one thing, defending it to the unenlightened is another.
It is during that troublesome extended family summer barbecue where the Velominati earn their stripes when defending shaved guns to the grandfathers of the world. The greatest generation doesn’t get it. They didn’t fight the Japanese and the Germans so you, a grown man, could shave your damn legs.
Usually, your shaved, tanned, naturally glistening Guns of Navarone need no defending, they are just there, twin defenders of freedom, loaded and ready. The greatest generation certainly should understand that, but they don’t.
Aesthetically, the issue is won already. I don’t bother getting into the hand-waving explanations of massage or road rash. Looking down and seeing hairy sweaty legs above my white socks just makes me sick. It’s depressing. It is a violation of all we hold dear. Looking down, 100km into a sweaty suffering ride and seeing glistening, shaved legs, doing the work: all is well with the world.
The wise @G’phant offered up the Tribal thesis years back and it clicked with me. Yes, we are all members of the same tribe; we know each other by our shaved legs. See that guy ahead in the security line at the airport, when security makes him drop his pants to his ankles, look at those legs, those crisp tan lines! He is one of us. He is my brother. It’s a pretty great tribe to be in and no need for tattoos.
Say things are going badly at the extended family barbecue. You have not impressed the soon to be father-in-law with a reasoned argument of how bitchin’ shaved legs look. The tribal argument has only generated a blank stare that questions why his daughter needs this (you). Pull out your smart phone, pull up this movie and tell him to watch this while you go fetch two more drinks (both for yourself).
Form, function and looking fantastic are intertwined and here is the proof.
Thanks to Dave E for the video.
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View Comments
@therealpeel
Look at it the other way around; once you shave you have to get fit or you will look like a poser. Let your legs lead the way. No advice on the wife. They may be more upset at seeing us shave than being shorn. Who knows.
Timely and great piece. I'm a year-round leg shaver. I get some decent veins showing up on the lower legs when I get fit and like to show 'em off - fuzzy hair would hide that. Saw a woman rider on Saturday on an organized ride. At the back of her right leg she had a mini Hincapie vein going on. I wasn't grossed out in the least. Au contraire, I thought it was impressive!
@Gianni
This! I faced the same dilemma when I started riding again a few years ago. I was always smooth back in the day, but by 50 I somehow didn't look 25 anymore (and I live in the howling wilderness now) so I wasn't sure I wanted to go to the trouble. I'm glad I did start shaving again, because it was like a bet with myself (drop some pounds or else) and because it made me feel like a Cyclist again. It really is true, whatever level of fitness you have, looking more Fantastic motivates you to ride faster which makes you fitter and more Fantastic looking, and so on.
Wives, if they don't dig it from the outset, get used to it in time. I know this; I've demonstrated it twice.
@Mike_P
@Mike_P
Wow guy's, Just trying to say lots of other athletes seem to be shaving there legs too, seems to be getting more main stream. Fuck it I love Football, always will. I love cycling, always will.
@anthony
Screw those guys, trolls exist errrwhere
@PeakInTwoYears
This is why I shave the guns through the winter. Even if I'm not on the bike I can at least look fantastic, and this motivates me to maintain my Flemish tan lines, after which I may smite mine enemies who haven't gotten off their duffs all winter.
My Mrs thinks me weird that I have smooth guns but has asked me not to go back to full hairy since she doesn't like it! Go figure. Personally I think it has bought us closer together. We have another thing to discuss and we have on occasion sat together and removed the fur with our his and hers epilators.
@Puffy
There's always someone who just goes that step too far!
@Puffy
A tad too much information! (emoticon here)
Head above parapet time...
Isn't all this sticking too the rules a bit like being in a tribute band? I.e. pretending to be something you're not?
Discuss...