Categories: The Rules

Rule #33 and the Summer Barbecue

It’s a drag

Rule #33- Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times.

This is one of the Rules that really defines the term Cyclist to the Velominati. Discussions about Rule #33 flare up on the site occasionally, burn brightly then smolder out. Between faces and legs, it is a lot of man-scraping. Rule #33 is a task master. Compliance is one thing, defending it to the unenlightened is another.

It is during that troublesome extended family summer barbecue where the Velominati earn their stripes when defending shaved guns to the grandfathers of the world. The greatest generation doesn’t get it. They didn’t fight the Japanese and the Germans so you, a grown man, could shave your damn legs.

Usually, your shaved, tanned, naturally glistening Guns of Navarone need no defending, they are just there, twin defenders of freedom, loaded and ready. The greatest generation certainly should understand that, but they don’t.

Aesthetically, the issue is won already. I don’t bother getting into the hand-waving explanations of massage or road rash. Looking down and seeing hairy sweaty legs above my white socks just makes me sick. It’s depressing. It is a violation of all we hold dear. Looking down, 100km into a sweaty suffering ride and seeing glistening, shaved legs, doing the work: all is well with the world.

The wise @G’phant offered up the Tribal thesis years back and it clicked with me. Yes, we are all members of the same tribe; we know each other by our shaved legs. See that guy ahead in the security line at the airport, when security makes him drop his pants to his ankles, look at those legs, those crisp tan lines! He is one of us. He is my brother. It’s a pretty great tribe to be in and no need for tattoos.

Say things are going badly at the extended family barbecue. You have not impressed the soon to be father-in-law with a reasoned argument of how bitchin’ shaved legs look. The tribal argument has only generated a blank stare that questions why his daughter needs this (you). Pull out your smart phone, pull up this movie and tell him to watch this while you go fetch two more drinks (both for yourself).

Form, function and looking fantastic are intertwined and here is the proof.

Thanks to Dave E for the video.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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View Comments

Mike_P says:

Jul 15 2014 at 3:04 pm

@JACD214

Excellent! Great news, to be sure.

I began shaving my guns maybe 18 months ago and didn't even question continuing during the winter. Sure, I was covered head to toe for six degree riding and no one could see; but I knew it. I couldn't bear the thought of looking down and seeing hairy pins... No, these babies will remain clean 365/24.

Besides, leg warmers feel better against skin.

Good man. You'll get to enjoy the pleasure of applying a warming winter embrocation without looking like a matted furball the cat just threw up.
DCR says:

Jul 15 2014 at 4:04 pm

@piwakawaka

@DCR

What about shaved arms?

skin suits have long sleeves.

Very true. But in the dead of the summer when temperatures reach into the triple digits I usually prefer short sleeves to long. As it is I don't shave the arms.

Anyone else here chime in on arm shaving?
Deakus says:

Jul 15 2014 at 4:07 pm

I recently had just this conversation with a pedalwan. He was determined that this was not a road he would go down.

When he asked why, I simply pointed him to this clip of the USS Missouri broadside letting rip with "ripple fire" and asked him. "Do you see any fur on those guns?"

He is now reflecting on his life choices.

http://youtu.be/vj-15O-BTDw
unversio says:

Jul 15 2014 at 5:33 pm

@DCR

@piwakawaka

@DCR

What about shaved arms?

skin suits have long sleeves.

Very true. But in the dead of the summer when temperatures reach into the triple digits I usually prefer short sleeves to long. As it is I don't shave the arms.

Anyone else here chime in on arm shaving?
Optimiste says:

Jul 15 2014 at 8:11 pm

Nice video on the aerodynamics of clean guns. It's always a plus when science coincides with faith. But whether tradition, tribe, or aero benefit, it's the right thing to do. And knowing I'm right is all the proof I need.
therealpeel says:

Jul 15 2014 at 8:25 pm

@Beers

From what I understand those bastions of machismo the rugby players are also fond of shorn pistons. No one asks them though, nor questions their masculinity. Probably because they are twice our size. As for me, I just turn turn to them and say "Why do I shave my legs? Why do you do your hair like that, why did you pick that shirt to wear? Because you want to? Well, there's your answer then." All of the VMH's girlfriends and most importantly the VMH like it, and that's as good a reason as any for me!

The VMW does not like it on me. Bummer. Plus, when I am too fat to climb and peaking in more than two years I feel like a poseur with shaved legs.
piwakawaka says:

Jul 15 2014 at 9:14 pm

@DCR

@piwakawaka

@DCR

What about shaved arms?

skin suits have long sleeves.

Very true. But in the dead of the summer when temperatures reach into the triple digits I usually prefer short sleeves to long. As it is I don't shave the arms.

Anyone else here chime in on arm shaving?

The other video those guy's did for beards showed no real difference, I'm guessing it would be similar for the arms, our guns on the other hand are moving both vertically and laterally through the air, this double gain is enough to make a real difference.

I love spying another proud cyclist with their shaved guns on display in non cycling circumstance, a brother (sister) from another mother!
Teocalli says:

Jul 16 2014 at 12:21 am

@anthony

@Beers

From what I understand those bastions of machismo the rugby players are also fond of shorn pistons. No one asks them though, nor questions their masculinity. Probably because they are twice our size. As for me, I just turn turn to them and say "Why do I shave my legs? Why do you do your hair like that, why did you pick that shirt to wear? Because you want to? Well, there's your answer then." All of the VMH's girlfriends and most importantly the VMH like it, and that's as good a reason as any for me!

Plenty of footballers are looking pretty hairless as well these days, Ronaldo, and Sanchez come to mind, Nobody has given me shit for it in a long time.

I think with the footballers it's more likely a sign of their immaturity?
VeloJello says:

Jul 16 2014 at 1:31 am

@Teocalli

@anthony

@Beers

From what I understand those bastions of machismo the rugby players are also fond of shorn pistons. No one asks them though, nor questions their masculinity. Probably because they are twice our size. As for me, I just turn turn to them and say "Why do I shave my legs? Why do you do your hair like that, why did you pick that shirt to wear? Because you want to? Well, there's your answer then." All of the VMH's girlfriends and most importantly the VMH like it, and that's as good a reason as any for me!

Plenty of footballers are looking pretty hairless as well these days, Ronaldo, and Sanchez come to mind, Nobody has given me shit for it in a long time.

I think with the footballers it's more likely a sign of their immaturity?

That. Plus a million. The biggest fucking preening bunch of wankers I have ever met. Self righteous pricks.

Nurse, time for my shot!
tessar says:

Jul 16 2014 at 1:43 am

@piwakawaka

@DCR

@piwakawaka

@DCR

What about shaved arms?

skin suits have long sleeves.

Very true. But in the dead of the summer when temperatures reach into the triple digits I usually prefer short sleeves to long. As it is I don't shave the arms.

Anyone else here chime in on arm shaving?

The other video those guy's did for beards showed no real difference, I'm guessing it would be similar for the arms, our guns on the other hand are moving both vertically and laterally through the air, this double gain is enough to make a real difference.

I love spying another proud cyclist with their shaved guns on display in non cycling circumstance, a brother (sister) from another mother!

Actually, arm hair does test slower than shaved arms (that's also according to the Specialized tunnel, they just didn't do a film on that). I'm sparsely-haired in my arms anyhow, but for important races, that goes too. My skinsuit only goes to the elbow.