Categories: The Rules

Rule #33 Dilemmas

Look good to feel good.

As I write this, Rule #33 is being hammered on over in The Rules. This is a hell of a Rule, demanding legs be kept shaven at all times. I believe for most Velominati “at all times” is a tough ask. No one is saying you have to shave the guns everyday, unless you have Peter van Petegem’s five o’clock shadow twenty minutes after your morning’s shave.

If you have never done it for whatever reason, you owe it to yourself to try it once. It doesn’t reflect on your sexuality and it’s only hair, it’ll grow back. It will grow back unless you wax your legs and that might be a bit too much of an introduction. Me, I’ve never waxed anything but skis.

I think most cyclists who have never shaved their legs want to experience it but fear the awkward explanations. And it only becomes more awkward if you try to over-explain it. Plain and simple it looks awesome. It looks great like new handlebar tape looks great. And like new handlebar tape, everything keeps looking awesome with some basic maintenance. Forget the long-winded, hand-waving explanations. Most curious people are afraid to ask anyway because it’s politically insensitive to impugn your potential cross-dressing interests. They don’t want to take that chance. Cyclists put in untold hours on the road and nothing is more demoralizing than seeing sweaty, hairy legs down there.

I don’t race. I try to adhere to Rule #33 purely on aesthetic grounds. If I look better on the bike, I will feel better on the bike. Shaved legs do feel better and look better so give it a try. Does that make me a poser? I really don’t care if someone thinks that.

One thing I would love to find out is when do retired professionals stop shaving? I’m sure it’s a chore they fantasize about not keeping up with but really, if they still ride do they still shave? Robert Millar, please advise.

The weird thing is I live in a climate where shorts are most always worn so I see a lot of legs but the weird thing is more guys shave their legs than there are Cyclists out there. The is a subset of men who are naturally hairless or who are shaving their legs despite showing no other outward signs of throwing a leg over a top tube with regularity. I’m afraid to find out more.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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Teocalli says:

Feb 14 2016 at 3:51 am

@ChrisO

@Rob

A Velominati hour on festum-prophetae where we all attempt it for bragging rights. Right here I lay it down that I can beat Frank’s time.

Well his time would be one hour…

Brilliant!
gilly says:

Feb 14 2016 at 5:00 am

Off thread I know but had to share my Valentine's card from Mrs G
Buck Rogers says:

Feb 14 2016 at 5:18 am

@ChrisO

@Rob

A Velominati hour on festum-prophetae where we all attempt it for bragging rights. Right here I lay it down that I can beat Frank’s time.

Well his time would be one hour…

Ha! For the WIN!!!
Buck Rogers says:

Feb 14 2016 at 5:19 am

@gilly

Off thread I know but had to share my Valentine’s card from Mrs G

Damn!!! That's a MIGHTY fine VMH you have there!!! Treat her right!!!
Buck Rogers says:

Feb 14 2016 at 5:21 am

@Rob

@piwakawaka

@Rob

@EBruner

@emerson

Hey, it was 1984.

I remember when we all thought like that!

As to the question at hand (or foot?) I have not shaved since I hung up the race wheels… yes I miss the feel, the look and worst of all the respect. After 2 years in Miami I toy with the idea, even to the point of floating a small balloon past the VHM as to why it would be a good idea. She points out that I ride that dam bike too much anyway and I don’t race any more so why would I do something that raises more questions about my attachment to masculinity?

A Goal is what would put me back in the tub with a pink razor. The last one was the 200 on 100 ride. But events like that do not come about often and somehow down in the flat lands 250 km rides are easy to come by. So unless I go for the hour (the only goal is to out distance Frank’s mark) or start lining up again (not happening unless retirement and divourse happen) I will live with the shame.

I like your idea for a Velominati Hour, I shave, I also live in a temperate climate and wear shorts most days, fucked if I’m going to shave my legs and hide them in trousers.

Yes on that, shaved and shorts are the way to go. I do remember the feeling of fresh shaved and long pants or sheets!

A Velominati hour on festum-prophetae where we all attempt it for bragging rights. Right here I lay it down that I can beat Frank’s time.

Well since you missed the 200-not-on-100 ride last summer, you better make some quick plans to get in the Battenkill Gran Fondo with the rest of us!!! (a bunch of the 200-0n-100 crew are riding it together--you can stay at my place!). I'm actually, for once, being serious here as well!
gilly says:

Feb 14 2016 at 5:49 am

@Buck Rogers

@gilly

Off thread I know but had to share my Valentine’s card from Mrs G

Damn!!! That’s a MIGHTY fine VMH you have there!!! Treat her right!!!

You know it!
Ccos says:

Feb 14 2016 at 8:08 am

My VMH has for years conceded to "allow" me to shave during racing season (life is sometimes about concessions). This provides several benefits though: a long racing season (I still shave during cold weather cross season) and that great first feeling of freshly saved guns under the sheets in springtime.
Owen says:

Feb 14 2016 at 9:38 am

@Ccos

My VMH has for years conceded to “allow” me to shave during racing season (life is sometimes about concessions). This provides several benefits though: a long racing season (I still shave during cold weather cross season) and that great first feeling of freshly saved guns under the sheets in springtime.

The VMH once got asked whether she thought it was weird that I shaved my legs. Because she is a keeper, she just deadpanned back that one of us had to.

Why yes, V-Day is commencing with a comically large bottle of shit champagne mixed into orange juice.
Joe Cline says:

Feb 14 2016 at 10:16 am

My VMH requires year-round shaving. I assume life-time is understood (by both parties).
BikeMike says:

Feb 14 2016 at 11:13 am

My VMH is a big fan of the shaving, and she reminds me to HTFU regularly. When anybody else asks me why, I just tell them, "I shave for the same reason anybody does: so I don't snag my hose."