Categories: The Rules

Rule #33 Dilemmas

As I write this, Rule #33 is being hammered on over in The Rules. This is a hell of a Rule, demanding legs be kept shaven at all times. I believe for most Velominati “at all times” is a tough ask. No one is saying you have to shave the guns everyday, unless you have Peter van Petegem’s five o’clock shadow twenty minutes after your morning’s shave.

If you have never done it for whatever reason, you owe it to yourself to try it once. It doesn’t reflect on your sexuality and it’s only hair, it’ll grow back. It will grow back unless you wax your legs and that might be a bit too much of an introduction. Me, I’ve never waxed anything but skis.

I think most cyclists who have never shaved their legs want to experience it but fear the awkward explanations. And it only becomes more awkward if you try to over-explain it. Plain and simple it looks awesome. It looks great like new handlebar tape looks great. And like new handlebar tape, everything keeps looking awesome with some basic maintenance. Forget the long-winded, hand-waving explanations. Most curious people are afraid to ask anyway because it’s politically insensitive to impugn your potential cross-dressing interests. They don’t want to take that chance. Cyclists put in untold hours on the road and nothing is more demoralizing than seeing sweaty, hairy legs down there.

I don’t race. I try to adhere to Rule #33 purely on aesthetic grounds. If I look better on the bike, I will feel better on the bike. Shaved legs do feel better and look better so give it a try. Does that make me a poser? I really don’t care if someone thinks that.

One thing I would love to find out is when do retired professionals stop shaving? I’m sure it’s a chore they fantasize about not keeping up with but really, if they still ride do they still shave? Robert Millar, please advise.

The weird thing is I live in a climate where shorts are most always worn so I see a lot of legs but the weird thing is more guys shave their legs than there are Cyclists out there. The is a subset of men who are naturally hairless or who are shaving their legs despite showing no other outward signs of throwing a leg over a top tube with regularity. I’m afraid to find out more.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

View Comments

  • @Oli

    Freaks!

    Thanks Oli! I always did feel a little bit different from the other kids, but I could never quite put my finger on it.

  • @G’rilla

    Shaved legs. ‘Nuff said.

     

    Some serious manscaping too. Damn Italians. Looks like a classics rider rather than a GT contender to me.

  • @wiscot

    @G’rilla

    Shaved legs. ‘Nuff said.

     

    Some serious manscaping too. Damn Italians. Looks like a classics rider rather than a GT contender to me.

    I suspect the records would show a Track Rider - well a track of sorts.  Training seemed to encompass a unique method of culling the least successful.

  • So I had to register just to comment on this thread. I now have a new answer for the next time someone asks why I shave my legs. I can now say, "I don't shave, I use an epilator." I am a hairy bastard and shaving was a pain as it would be prickly in 1-2 days. I finally took the plunge in January and decided to buy a cheap epilator and try it out. Now I can go 1-2 weeks between maintenance sessions and I'm not wasting razors, shaving cream and water. It also hurts.

  • @Gianni

    Oldsters were late 50s and one late 60s. The two late fifties guys drank prolific numbers of Rolling Rock ponies after every Tuesday and Thursday night lap session around Philly's river drives. One of them was also a pack-a-day More 120 smoker. The late 60s oldster rode a tres jolie Campy record Grandis track bike.

  • @DavyMuur

    Ok, show of hands… Who has to shave their lower back ‘saddle’ area? That is the portion of the back where your jersey pockets would be. I’ve got a patch of really fine kind of woolly hair there that sweats like a bitch in warm weather. Just wondering if anyone else has the same problem.

    I don't shave that area----but this time of year (in Georgia) the humidity is really low and dry skin is a real problem.....especially right there...... SOoooo I slather on the Eucerin in that area before each ride--- otherwise I am constantly reaching back there trying to scratch the itch so to speak ------

  • @RayG

    1. Scrubbing road rash clean is always painful

    2. Massage is a lot easier and more comfortable without the plumage.

    In any case they tend to shave (parts of) you in the hospital before they put you back together any way.

  • Ok, so now most of the hair has been removed from the gun area (below the line of bib shorts) and the VMW didn't complain too much. Result. I haven't decided how I feel about this yet.

Share
Published by
Gianni

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

7 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

7 years ago