Categories: Musings from the V-BunkerThe Rules

Rule #43

The boys discussing #43.

I wonder if Rule #43 should be sublimated on our bibs too. It might be my most favorite Rule. Don’t be a jackass. But if you absolutely must be a jackass, be a funny jackass. Always remember, we’re all brothers and sisters on the road.

As a Keeper on the Velominati site, it irritates me that the Velominati are known mostly for The Rules. While we didn’t invent them nor were we the first to list them, our proselytizing has made us synonymous with The Rules. I would hate for us to be known as the exclusive Cyclists rather than the funny Cyclists.

Frank started this site to write about and discuss the beauty of cycling; The Rules were never part of the plan. If someone wants to start something Rules-wise with me, they better hand me the list because I don’t know them. I might possibly have been a more religious person if it all weren’t so deadly serious. And yes, my inability to take things seriously has been brought up too often, usually at annual performance reviews. But I grew up with the daily option of nuclear annihilation hanging over my head. Us kids all started to talk like French philosophers, at eight years old, smoking cigarettes and asking, mon dieu, what iz ze point of life, eh? Our local cub scout pack just fell apart after a few months… really, earning patches to sew on our uniforms? It made no sense to us young nihilists. Zere is no patch for digging an impromptu bomb shelter? Ahh, fuck it, let’s go out into the woods and smoke more cigarettes.

While I occasionally worry about The Rules smothering all other things Velominati, that worry is always quickly buried by the funny back and forth on the site. While some cycling sites are heavily moderated or troll filled, Velominati seems to thrive on the uncensored winding up. We realize arguing about riding one’s bike could make us all seem like jackasses, but at least we are funny jackasses. Long live Rule #43.

And to prove my point, if I had one… this.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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View Comments

universo says:

Mar 10 2016 at 11:34 am

@wiscot

@Buck Rogers

@wiscot

More old school rules right here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgMYKNoCXFs

And remember kids: “Riding without holding the handlebars is about as clever as giving a balloon to a hedgehog”

Hell, that was awesome!

As for Gianni’s ramblings … Spot on. Too often if someone sees me in the V kit and they are cyclists, they go off on how the site is so stupid and Nazi, etc. All they know are “The Rules” and they hate them and the idea of them.

Of course, less than 1% have actually hung around the site, checked out a few articles and realized that at its heart, it is all about reverence for the bike and the history of this glorious sport.

No I am not a complete heretic, I am not going all Martin Luther in the 16th century, but it does seem like a good idea to somehow propagate the true mission of the site; the love of the bike and other Velominatus, and get pass the Rules-centric thoughts.

So go forth and spread the V, not The Rules, eh?

Hear hear! You’re right, the uninitiated hear “Velominati” and think Rule Nazis. You’d think you had to take some kind of oath to be allowed to register or something.

Without rules you have chaos and anarchy. That applies to all aspects of life and not just the bike. I think it’s quite simple: the rules just help you become a better cyclist and, by extension, a better person.

without the Bible...
Ron says:

Mar 10 2016 at 12:07 pm

@wiscot

@Ron

@Teocalli

@Ron

My educashun taught me the two key rules.

1. If you break the rules, don’t get caught.

2. If you get caught, take your punishment without complaining.

That keeps things simple! Nice way to go about things.

I think your #2 point should be sent to Maria Sharapova! It’s one thing getting busted, but when the governing body give your repeated notices 4 months before something goes on the banned list and you and your entourage all fail to pay attention, then you get what you deserve. Maybe she thought she was too big to fail, too pretty to dump. Must be a lot of tennis players scanning that list right now.

Hey, c'mon...a drug given to soldiers in Afghanistan to help with fight/walking at elevation...what good would that do someone sprinting around a tennis court?

And, the walking HGH borg Serena has come to her defense, even pointing out her courage in admitting it!

Maybe we can get tennis to replace cycling as the dirtiest sport in the mind of the public?
wiscot says:

Mar 10 2016 at 12:31 pm

@Ron

@wiscot

@Ron

@Teocalli

@Ron

My educashun taught me the two key rules.

1. If you break the rules, don’t get caught.

2. If you get caught, take your punishment without complaining.

That keeps things simple! Nice way to go about things.

I think your #2 point should be sent to Maria Sharapova! It’s one thing getting busted, but when the governing body give your repeated notices 4 months before something goes on the banned list and you and your entourage all fail to pay attention, then you get what you deserve. Maybe she thought she was too big to fail, too pretty to dump. Must be a lot of tennis players scanning that list right now.

Hey, c’mon…a drug given to soldiers in Afghanistan to help with fight/walking at elevation…what good would that do someone sprinting around a tennis court?

And, the walking HGH borg Serena has come to her defense, even pointing out her courage in admitting it!

Maybe we can get tennis to replace cycling as the dirtiest sport in the mind of the public?

I've give the grunting Russian one brownie point for not denying it. Part of her defense is that she didn't open the attachment with the new list of banned drugs. As someone said, when you have someone like Sharapova who makes so much money and had trainers, managers, agents etc on her payroll and doing nicely, don't you think someone might pay attention to make sure the gravy train was legal? Incompetence, arrogance, stupidity, take your pick. Her career is over I think but she's set for life.

Apparently there were a few tennis players implicated in Operation Puerto, but that all got hushed up. Cycling has a bad rap because it actually tests. Football, baseball, basketball, soccer, tennis and on and on. If they tested the athletes from these sports as often and as extensively as cyclists, there would be hell to pay and they'd be bringing in ringers from the lower leagues to fill the spots left vacant by people serving bans. .
Beers says:

Mar 10 2016 at 12:34 pm

I too have read of riders criticising others with the Rules. I know most of my bunch have read them at some time or another, and most know them, but like fight club, no one talks about them, but everyone complies implicitly. Because it is the natural order of things, not because they want to follow the rules.

I think of it this way though, if I'm walking down the street in my regular clothes, and someone I have never met comes up to me and chastises me for breaking some kind of rule I have never heard of. Fuck them, they are a total jackass. Save it for your mates I reckon.

I just use them to hurl abuse about his sock height being an insult to my buddy as he passes me on a hill, don't even mention a rule number, because who cares about a rule number, except V.

Its for a laugh after all, innit.
Teocalli says:

Mar 10 2016 at 12:48 pm

@wiscot

At least we will be able to watch the tennis without turning the sound down.
frank says:

Mar 10 2016 at 1:00 pm

@chris

@gianni perhaps we should have a rule requiring us to all head off to the woods for a sneaky fag when it all gets too serious…

That doesn't sound right when read in American English.
Neil says:

Mar 10 2016 at 1:15 pm

@frank

@chris

@gianni perhaps we should have a rule requiring us to all head off to the woods for a sneaky fag when it all gets too serious…

That doesn’t sound right when read in American English.

'Smokin' a fag' even less so. Two nations divided by a common language...
Teocalli says:

Mar 10 2016 at 1:24 pm

@Neil

@frank

@chris

@gianni perhaps we should have a rule requiring us to all head off to the woods for a sneaky fag when it all gets too serious…

That doesn’t sound right when read in American English.

‘Smokin’ a fag’ even less so. Two nations divided by a common language…

and of course there is bumming a fag.........
Sebastian Bustos says:

Mar 10 2016 at 1:38 pm

Have you ever read Calvin and Hobbes?? Their game, 'Calvinball' is all about making weird rules on the spot and they have FUN doing it! What does that mean for us? just enjoy doing what you love and embrace the V your own way (without getting caught, of course)
Gianni says:

Mar 10 2016 at 1:51 pm

@Stephen

But really, the only person who gives a sh*te about the rules is an aging, Vietnam vet tasked with caring for his ex-wife’s dog.

Please explain. Is this a literary reference I should know and don't because I'm an illiterate Rouler reading cycling droogy?