I wonder if Rule #43 should be sublimated on our bibs too. It might be my most favorite Rule. Don’t be a jackass. But if you absolutely must be a jackass, be a funny jackass. Always remember, we’re all brothers and sisters on the road.

As a Keeper on the Velominati site, it irritates me that the Velominati are known mostly for The Rules. While we didn’t invent them nor were we the first to list them, our proselytizing has made us synonymous with The Rules. I would hate for us to be known as the exclusive Cyclists rather than the funny Cyclists.

Frank started this site to write about and discuss the beauty of cycling; The Rules were never part of the plan. If someone wants to start something Rules-wise with me, they better hand me the list because I don’t know them. I might possibly have been a more religious person if it all weren’t so deadly serious. And yes, my inability to take things seriously has been brought up too often, usually at annual performance reviews. But I grew up with the daily option of nuclear annihilation hanging over my head. Us kids all started to talk like French philosophers, at eight years old, smoking cigarettes and asking, mon dieu, what iz ze point of life, eh? Our local cub scout pack just fell apart after a few months… really, earning patches to sew on our uniforms? It made no sense to us young nihilists. Zere is no patch for digging an impromptu bomb shelter? Ahh, fuck it, let’s go out into the woods and smoke more cigarettes.

While I occasionally worry about The Rules smothering all other things Velominati, that worry is always quickly buried by the funny back and forth on the site. While some cycling sites are heavily moderated or troll filled, Velominati seems to thrive on the uncensored winding up. We realize arguing about riding one’s bike could make us all seem like jackasses, but at least we are funny jackasses. Long live Rule #43.

And to prove my point, if I had one… this.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

View Comments

  • @Ron

    @wiscot

    @Ron

    @Teocalli

    @Ron

    My educashun taught me the two key rules.

    1. If you break the rules, don’t get caught.

    2. If you get caught, take your punishment without complaining.

    That keeps things simple! Nice way to go about things.

    I think your #2 point should be sent to Maria Sharapova! It’s one thing getting busted, but when the governing body give your repeated notices 4 months before something goes on the banned list and you and your entourage all fail to pay attention, then you get what you deserve. Maybe she thought she was too big to fail, too pretty to dump. Must be a lot of tennis players scanning that list right now.

    Hey, c’mon…a drug given to soldiers in Afghanistan to help with fight/walking at elevation…what good would that do someone sprinting around a tennis court?

    And, the walking HGH borg Serena has come to her defense, even pointing out her courage in admitting it!

    Easy laddie. Serena an HGH borg? My Serena? She likes the gym, FFS!

    Maybe we can get tennis to replace cycling as the dirtiest sport in the mind of the public?

  • @Neil

    @frank

    @chris

    @gianni perhaps we should have a rule requiring us to all head off to the woods for a sneaky fag when it all gets too serious…

    That doesn’t sound right when read in American English.

    ‘Smokin’ a fag’ even less so. Two nations divided by a common language…

    heheheee. +1 badge right there!

  • @Gianni

    @Stephen

    But really, the only person who gives a sh*te about the rules is an aging, Vietnam vet tasked with caring for his ex-wife’s dog.

    Please explain. Is this a literary reference I should know and don’t because I’m an illiterate Rouler reading cycling droogy?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-z0Pm7tccvc

    Oh Gianni, and here I actually used to have a bit of respect for you.  Time for another (or perhaps your first???) viewing of a movie every bit as awesome as Dr Strangelove.

  • @Gianni

    @Ron

    @wiscot

    @Ron

    @Teocalli

    @Ron

    My educashun taught me the two key rules.

    1. If you break the rules, don’t get caught.

    2. If you get caught, take your punishment without complaining.

    That keeps things simple! Nice way to go about things.

    I think your #2 point should be sent to Maria Sharapova! It’s one thing getting busted, but when the governing body give your repeated notices 4 months before something goes on the banned list and you and your entourage all fail to pay attention, then you get what you deserve. Maybe she thought she was too big to fail, too pretty to dump. Must be a lot of tennis players scanning that list right now.

    Hey, c’mon…a drug given to soldiers in Afghanistan to help with fight/walking at elevation…what good would that do someone sprinting around a tennis court?

    And, the walking HGH borg Serena has come to her defense, even pointing out her courage in admitting it!

    Easy laddie. Serena an HGH borg? My Serena? She likes the gym, FFS!

    Maybe we can get tennis to replace cycling as the dirtiest sport in the mind of the public?

    "My Serena?"  My Sharona! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78hagv86L3c

  • @frank

    @chris

    @gianni perhaps we should have a rule requiring us to all head off to the woods for a sneaky fag when it all gets too serious…

    That doesn’t sound right when read in American English.

    Having had my wrists slapped for calling you a lanky poof, I would only use that in the context of smoking. (The American dictionary would seem to be a bit light on the various uses of the word. Also see below)

    Perhaps I should have phrased it as "requiring us to all head off into the woods for a sly smoko" as that should cover most peoples tastes.

    @Teocalli

    @Neil

    @frank

    @chris

    @gianni perhaps we should have a rule requiring us to all head off to the woods for a sneaky fag when it all gets too serious…

    That doesn’t sound right when read in American English.

    ‘Smokin’ a fag’ even less so. Two nations divided by a common language…

    and of course there is bumming a fag………

    Having been to a British boarding school, I'd like to categorically state that I have never bummed a fag.

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