Nothing says “amateur” more than an imperfect handlebar tape job, a dirty bike or a nasty grimy chain. Conversely, a clean bike feels faster. And new handlebar tape and a clean chain imbue a rider with extra fortitude and a little extra snap in the legs.
The professionals don’t need to wrap their own bars-they have full- time mechanics who can do it blindfolded. No matter how carefully I did my handlebar tape around shop owner George, he would regard the job, and then cruelly shoot me a look that said “amateur!” I have studied him wrapping tape. It looks effortless and he might also be talking to a customer, mocking a minion, his mind on many things – but the final result is perfection.
This drives me crazy.
It should not be so hard. I replace my tape maybe two or three times a year, just seldom enough to forget how to do it properly.
The Velominati have spent a lot of energy debating bike color co-ordination (see Rule eight) and I had a bad tire/tape issue, so I had to go white (I don’t do black tape). There is no doubt white looks great; the question is how long will it look great?
The bike shop I like to use, close to us, did not carry my favorite Fizik tape. It is bombproof and magically never ever gets dirty. So I bought what they carried, some white Deda tape.
I stripped off the old and tried to put on the new. After three attempts of rewrapping with more tension and less overlap each time, I was still short on one side. The tape was so stretched I might as well have been wrapping my bars with plastic wrap or the old Benotto cello tape. Son-of-a-bee-aatch!! (F’ing Italians, would it kill them to give me another few centimeters? The other side was better – could they be different lengths? F’ing Italians!) The only way to make it even meant both sides ended up short and too far from the stem-completely unacceptable! This put me in a mood most foul.
I called the other shop within riding distance, a Specialized shop, and was told they had three kinds of white Specialized tape. Three kinds- really? Of course when I got there, it wasn’t so-but the one they did carry has rocked my world. Specialized S-Wrap Classic 3 ply fake leather with some sweet dot perforations. It is $25 but supplies more than enough tape for the perfect wrap. It’s mighty fine looking and feels perfect; perfect cushion, perfect grip, oh, I’m in love. But, will it stay white? How bad will it look in a month? Two weeks of fair weather riding leaves the tape still bright white.
Again Specialized has impressed me with their form and function. I have some Specialized S-Works road shoes and a pair of their leg warmers and they are great. Their glue-less inner tube patches: the jury is out. Sure they lose some cachet because their items are made in China not Italy but until the Italians give me a little more tape, I’m an S-Wrap boy.
*Is it wrong to be this excited about handlebar tape? Is it dangerous to ask this question? I’m hesitant to answer either of these. And yes, Rules violations in photo, how many can you find?
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@Marcus That is a classic cartoon/movie but there is no help from any of the Velominatus with the wife/significant other, have you noticed the resounding silence on that one. Lets face it we are good at riding our bikes but that means we suck at just about everything else - like personal interactions. Oh sure some of us are married and/or have been in long-term relationships but really the truth is that conversation you quote must go on in every Velominatus household quite frequently.
The only hope I can offer for the future is that 3 things will lessen the conflict. Kid in college, dog dead, and menopause. Seriously life gets incredibly good! I won't go into details but suffice it to say in my case the dog was the last to go and at the end we were having conversations about her being selfish and if she really loved me she would give it up for the cause.
Anyway it all worked out and life is good, I am regularly doing 300-400Km a week and am on track to be peaking in July.
And that call on Rule #37, what a catch, I looked at that late at night thinking something was not right but missed it, good one.
@Marko
Have I taught you nothing?! Electrical always shrinks over time and leaves a small smudge as it does so. Very unappealing. The finishing tape needs to be applied just like the rest of the tape, firmly and with consistent pressure - not so much it stretches but enough that it stays snug. Clean your hands first to keep good adhesion on the tape, and don't touch the last little bit of it as you apply the end, or it will eventually come loose. If it does start to come loose there, you can just apply a drop of super glue to it.
@frank
I can never seem to get that shit to stay smooth and not wrinkle! And the adhesion is way inferior to electrical tape. Regardless of how sterile the environment is in which I apply it, it eventually starts to unpeel. I have not seen the shrinkage you mention but will have to pay closer attention.
@Marko
Just when I think you can't screw up any more, you do something like this and TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF.
(I, on the other hand, have learned a lot from Dumb and Dumber and quote it often.
@Marko
It happens every time your bike goes in the pool.
@Rob, @Marcus
I have to second Rob's enthusiasm for the observation on Rule 37. Well done! What Rob didn't mention is he's a recent convert of this Rule.
As for how to deal with the issue at hand (great video, Marcus) I never saw it last night and now it's morning here in the Pacific Northwest, so now I see it. My strategy for this matter, as I stated briefly on the Lexicon, is to make sure she always has a better bike that I do. It helps a lot. Why would she want my bike when hers is better?
@brett
On spacers, here's an excerpt from the text messags Marko and I have been exchanging on his 2cm stack of spacers ABOVE his stem:
Background detail: Marko is coming to Seattle after the Tour de Blast where we will be having almost all the Velominati Authors gathering in one location for the first time (only the Aussie Brett will not be in attendence).
@frank
Looking forward to the pics, though methinks the transcripts of the ride would be fun. Happy climbing, all!
Highlight of my last tour de blast in 08, was not being blown over on the last couple of miles on Johnson ridge as I saw happen to several others. Is this a yearly pilgramage to the volcano for you boys? As only a recent reader I've yet to peruse the extensive catalog of stories here. I couldn't arrange time off this year to do the ride, so will miss spotting some of the new kit in action.
@john e cakes
Actually, this is a first for most of us. Jim did it a few years back, and we're doing this year for the first time. We'll miss Brett for sure.
You must be from the PNW; we've looked at the profile and both that and the distance don't seem bad, but everyone I talk to say's it's brutal. I even chatted about it when getting the kit made with the guys at Castelli USA in Portland and they said it's hell.
This hurricane you're talking about doesn't brighten the picture any.